Make the most of your mistakes

We all make mistakes and thank God for that!

Einstein, the great physicist, was famous for commenting on how repeated mistakes led to his final discoveries. We need error to check our thinking and stimulate us to look for other ways and processes to be successful. Having said that, it is still often a concern for some children when they make a mistake. Some children develop a fear of making a mistake. In working with children it often appeared to be tied up with their belief that they will let their parents down. Unfortunately, the more they are conditioned to hanging onto this fear, the less they will try as they feel more secure in just not having a go! After all that makes them feel more secure!

Teachers often struggle with this issue in the classroom. At the risk of sounding too sure of myself, I see this problem generally in first children. They are more inclined to be cautious and only take one step forward and sometimes two steps back!

We need to understand that they fear disappointing others. Therefore, we need to reassure them that we applaud the effort not the outcome. It is all about celebrating, 'having a go'.

 Here are some suggestions for supporting the child through this habit forming problem.

•  As a family set up a 'having a go' sheet. Every time the child tells you that they really had a go over some tricky situation put a tick on the sheet and agree to some reward when the chart has completed ten ticks. This is all about changing patterns and affirming the effort.

• Be spontaneous and when you notice an attempt, affirm the child.

• When you look at the school work that comes home, take care to comment on the work completed and the effort made. Avoid highlighting the mistakes.

          Here you say:

           “These are where you have growth curves to learn more. We all have growth curves.”

             Talk about your growth curves that you are working on to improve yourself.

• Across the week when chatting, talk about one situation where you had a go even though it was hard. Discuss how you felt? Take care not to talk about too many successes. Just focus on the effort you took. Keep in mind their fear of disappointing you. Reinforce how happy you are when they simply, 'have a go'.

  You could say,

            “ I love your efforts. You always have a go and that is what I love about you”

There are some excellent children's feeling books obtainable in most libraries. This could be a great way of talking about fears of making mistakes. Talk to the school librarian or to the local librarian about suitable books. Remember, we are changing their thoughts on what really pleases us. It is all about the effort.

“ Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

— Albert Einstein

We need to understand that children fear disappointing others. We need to reassure them that we applaud the effort not the outcome. It is all about celebrating, 'having a go'.

Improvement and Achievement - where does it begin and end?

Have you noticed how praise is important on so many levels? We all need praise, no matter at what age! This blog is about understanding that we need to be quite specific when we praise. We need to  ensure that we know the purpose for praise and that we target it well.

“Well done on your test. All that preparation made a great difference. Bravo!”

In order to improve and to achieve, we need to feel reassured that our efforts are truly valued. We need reassurance. The more we target our praises, the closer the mark to giving the child an authentic acknowledgement, one which makes a real difference to the child!

“What a wonderful effort you made to clean the kitchen. All the items are away in their right spot. Thank you.”

By being specific, the child is aware that you are grateful for some particular task. It shows that you have clearly thought it through and that it has real value to you. By mentioning it clearly, it throws more evidence on the impression it has made on you.

By being authentic in your praise they understand that their achievement was sincerely based on your awareness of their deeds.

General praise such as “you're a good boy” has little value compared to “ what a good boy for opening the door as I have groceries in my hand.”

Improvement is best understood and more likely to continue when the child clearly understands the value of their deeds. Teachers are aware of this and in working with children they are extremely conscious to speak clearly and acknowledge their work as specifically as possible. 

In working with children myself, I observed that affirming with real definition, builds their sense of general self confidence.

“Thanks Mark for shutting the door quietly. It often jams.”

Here the child recognises that they supported your real concerns about the door! Incidental but effective affirmation. This sets the scene for a confident healthy discussion to follow. Reassurance builds on reassurance and success.

Keep in mind that through your example in praising and affirming well, the child is more inclined to model this in how they affirm others. It is all about giving the best example through our communication style.

mprovement is best understood and more likely to continue when the child clearly understands the value of their deeds.

Enjoying the process

Did you ever see the Australian Film, “The Castle” ?

Michael Kerrigan loved his wife's cooking. This was a wonderful example of affirming and celebrating the effort. Yes I agree the story was exaggerated but nonetheless it highlighted how affirming people's efforts spurs them on to greater heights.

Children particularly respond to affirmation along the way. This means that we acknowledge their progress and not wait till the work is complete.

For example, “You have started your homework. Well done.”

“I love the way you got up in time for school.”

It is all about celebrating the journey.

”Thanks for putting away your clothes. Well Done”

Applaud the small efforts many of which we just take for granted. This gives the child the understanding that they are valued.

A great trick of mine is to always make some small affirmation if a child enters my office. This gives me some brownie points as the child feels appreciated. “ Thanks for visiting me, I appreciate how you entered so quietly”. Immediately we are on a good footing! Even if we need to talk about some serious matters.

It is all about demonstrating to your child that you value their efforts. It's also teaching about gratitude. This is a word we hardly hear mentioned these days.