How focussed are we on being on time?

Do we live by the clock? Does it give us a sense of security so that we feel we can achieve everything we set out to do?

Take care not to measure everything by the clock. If we tend to be too focussed on being on time, monitoring our actions by time and feeling that if we are watching the clock, we will not operate in a much more efficient and successful way.

A problem can develop when we are preoccupied with time. We miss the little things that are so important especially with children. Their spontaneity can sometimes slow us down but is that such a bad thing? To stop and take the time to savour the special unpredictable moments with your child are more powerful than simply being focussed on the time and getting it right.

Are you so preoccupied with being on time that the stress in the family house goes up several notches?

Teachers are compulsive planners who know that their time is precious and that they have a set requirement of work to complete in a specific time. However, despite their preoccupation with time and awareness of its importance in their work, they still will stop the lesson. With the children, they will savour those special moments in the classroom that enrich the day and the experiences. Such awareness of the spontaneous precious moments that can happen at any time are important for refreshing the day. They are all about deeper more meaningful contact with people. They can also be instrumental in changing plans and directions for the day. Teachers realise that listening and redirecting actions can enable a classroom to flow more smoothly and more productively.

 Consider:

• Can you listen to the small things that happen around you with your child?

• Are you so preoccupied with being on time that the stress in the family house goes up several notches? Can you relax a little in this area?

• Can we plant in our mind the realisation that we put the value of our children over time and the things that must be done?

• Think about how preoccupied you are about time. Can you make some adjustments and still feel that can manage the situation?

Those precious moments we capture on camera with our children can sometimes be missed when we become too preoccupied with time.

“Take care of the minutes and the hours will take care of themselves.”

— Earl of Chesterfield.

Finding some one on one time with your child.

How difficult is it to find time for all the things you need to do? Of course it is difficult.

We live in a very busy world with time being the most precious commodity we can find.

This article is about establishing some quality ‘one on one time’ regularly with your child. This is not easy, especially if you have several children, but it is not impossible and just so necessary.

Consider the advantages:

Small doses of ‘one on one’ time together regularly can make an amazing difference in building wonderful, long term interpersonal relationships.

Your child will feel special. You can just talk about the uniqueness of the child and they can tell you their feelings which they alone own.

 It demonstrates to the child that their uniqueness is special and you value it and want to focus on it.

The child realises that this time together will give them an occasion to be with their parent alone. Therefore, they may store up important things to say to them during this time.

 Here are some suggestions to find that individual time with your child.

• Discuss with the family the importance of spending individual time with each child. They may have their own ideas on how this is possible.

• Put the information on the fridge so that you can refer to it regularly.

• Check on the school timetable. There may be some better times to remove them from school for a few hours.

• Attending sporting events is important but occasionally just take them yourself and spend time with them afterwards to talk about the game.

• Write little notes to your child. Put them in their lunch box:

“Catch you tonight. Let’s talk after dinner.”

• Are there any joint activities you can do together, such as a club, art classes etc.

• When going to the shops for a quick purchase could just one child go with you?

• Talk to them about the things you notice that are unique to that child. For example, their unique smile, sense of humor etc. It is about bringing out their individuality and that is what you love the most.

An important key to building relationships is to keep reminding the child that spending one on one time is important to you. It is amazing what you learn from just being together.

Small doses of ‘one on one’ time together regularly can make an amazing difference in building wonderful, long term interpersonal relationships.

Enjoying the moment with your child

How time passes when we simply don't notice the uniqueness of our child, the journey of their growth or their shift from childhood into adolescence, from adolescence into adulthood. This article merely touches on the value of stopping to smell the roses and enjoy the moment with the child.

We are very explicit with our families in terms of the things that we want to pay attention to and these are often around functional and aspirational things. For example, achieving at school, playing sport, doing homework etc. We are all keen to put emphasis on very typical aspects of our life which are common in many families. We expect to be attentive and reflective around such important issues.

What is unique are the individual moments to be shared with your child as they develop over the years. For example, if you bike ride with your child, stop for a minute and reflect on how joyous that experience is for all of you. When you sing a song together, set the kitchen table together, watch a humorous movie together,  these are all times to reflect on that special moment that is a snap shot of your life together. It is difficult for parents with young children to imagine their child older, more independent. Time passes and this comes around quicker than we can imagine. Ask any parent whose last child is leaving primary school! A great way of understanding the preciousness of the moment is to look back on photos. Here we easily stop and reflect on that scene and contemplate how things have changed.

We cannot suspend time, but there is some evidence that time accelerates in our mind when everything is going well. Try to simply take some time to enjoy the moment whether it be watching your child in a classroom, sports field, play ground etc and reflect on the joy of that moment. Being more in harmony with the uniqueness of the present moment makes for a calmer disposition all round.

 Here are a few thoughts to get you in a reflective mindset.

• Take a big breath and just look around.

• Look for the lighter side of the moment.

• Tell yourself why this is special.

• Pretend you are snapping a photo of that moment and remind yourself why?

“If you are always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you are in?”

— HPLYRIKZ.com

Nine parenting tips to make life easier and enjoy your children

Consider just how busy you are on so many levels. You want to get the very best from your relationship with your child but sometimes struggle to enjoy the experience due to family pressure, work or tiredness. As parents the time flies quickly and before you know it, our three year old has turned five and then eight and so it goes quickly. Parents often feel regret about missed opportunities due to demands on them and limited time. All these feelings that you have as a busy parent are quite normal and I would add healthy as you reflect on the values of your child and the preciousness of them growing up quickly.

Over the years I have observed many families' habits in designing family structures to find time with children. I have also experienced my own journey in finding ways to spend more time with the children.

 Here are some thoughts on how to remain sane and enjoy your child even though the clock ticks so fast.

• Slow down. This may seem impossible but try and find some aspects of the week where you can reduce or slow down some activities. If you look at the week ahead you may find activities that could be pushed to the next week or simply taken out. The more you reduce the business, the more space you will find for your child.

• Start uncluttering. Even keeping the house a little simpler can reduce your workload and you may notice your child more often. The Swedish are very good at keeping things simple. Just consider Ikea!

• Set up a chart with a  'tune in' date included each week where you simply spend time with your child. If you have several children, perhaps this can be done over several weeks.

• Always check in with yourself each week to establish how you have engaged with your child that particular week. Have you had sound conversation, laughter together, cuddles, positive talk etc? This helps us to catch up if we have neglected some personal time with our child.

• Reading to a child at night is wonderful for spending quality time together. With a larger family, try reading to them all once or twice a week. Choose a novel that they can enjoy together.

• If you have family routines like walking the dog, gardening etc. try to include your child in that activity. This is a wonderful time to share together. Just simply hanging washing on the line is a great shared time to talk.

• If you had a busy week and not made much personal time to talk, write a note to your child and leave it under their pillow, in their lunch box etc. Little surprises like this can enliven your experiences together.

• Ask the child to list times when they think you can connect together. You will be surprised the array of ideas that a child will present.

• Find a special interest that just you and your child share together. I know of one family who has a special jigsaw puzzle set up on a table that only dad and the child work on together.

In working with families, I noticed that parents who reflected on their child's development were more inclined to feel the loss of connection when they did not spend quality time with them.

This is about reducing regret for missed opportunities but rather capitalising on occasions, modifying your routines etc. to find precious time with your child.

“If you want your child to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them. And half as much money.”

— Abigail Van Buren 

Parents often feel regret about missed opportunities due to demands on them and limited time.