Who are your best friends at school? The office team of course!

Schools are busy places. Some of the best people for you to get to know are the office team.

I speak now as a Principal who relies heavily on my office team.

They have such an excellent understanding of people's needs and are always the first to let the Principal know if someone needs some extra support.

They keep well briefed with the Principal and are much easier to access sometimes than the Principal. They are very reliable to pass messages onto others.

Once office staff are familiar with you and the family, they are very conscious to support you when you need to learn more about the school or simply to get some facts straight.

Office staff know to be extremely confidential and will point you in the right direction when you have specific inquiries.

I often think that the engine of a school is the office team. Keep them in mind as your support team when your child is at school. They play a critical role in the day to day life of the Principal.

Home is a great place to start reading

Parents have such an influence on their children.

Teachers often comment on how a child repeats what their parents say, or shows mannerisms like mum or dad, or simply talks frequently about their parents.

One of the most valuable things a parent can do as a model is to read with them.

Research tells us that early reading with children has a significant influence on the development of their speech, how they interact with parents and sharpening their auditory skills.

I recommend leaving picture books scattered around the house and having special times together to read. Share the reading together at night. Reading together can be so much fun and a chance to further spend quality time together.

If the child sees that you value reading, they value reading.

Your example has an impact on your child. 

When there are significant absences from school

Teachers often comment that when children are absent from school for a reasonable length of time, they can feel more vulnerable returning to class and fitting back into the classroom environment.

They sometimes feel that through their absence their relationship with the other children is more vulnerable and that socially engaging with them will be difficult.

 When a child is absent for a few weeks, it is a good idea to keep talking about school and if the child has been sick, I would encourage a few phone calls with friends to keep in touch.

If there has been an extended holiday which has caused the absence, consider the child writing emails or keeping in touch through whatever social media the school is using. This gives the child the sense that they are not so removed from their school and that dialogue with friends is alive and well.

In today's world of fast communication, it is not difficult to keep the conversation going between school and family.

Absences from school

Confidentiality in a school setting

Throughout your time at school, information will be gathered concerning enrolment data and educational information about your child.

Confidentiality is a critical part and schools respect all information that parents provide.

From time to time, extra information may be gathered regarding a child’s learning. This is stored in a secure place and is only accessible by appropriate teachers and the Principal. Records of children leaving the school are securely archived and are the school's responsibility.

Owning the Problem

Sometimes as parents we think it is our role to solve all their problems.

We should encourage children to at least attempt to work through their problems as this will make a difference in building social stamina.

When parents take over all their problems, the child shows less interest in being responsible in solving their own issues.

Children who learn the art of solving problems become excellent negotiators and confident, independent thinkers.

"I" Statements

These are great tools when communicating messages to children. The Parent Effectiveness Training Course as devised by Dr Thomas Gordon teaches about 'I' statements. I highly recommend this course to parents. 

These are great tools when communicating messages to children.

For example:

”I am sad that you have not finished your meal”,

“I am happy that you can play at school”,

“I am disappointed that you don’t clean your room and now I have more work to do”.

These are effective ways to communicate messages. It is a clear precise way to talk to children.

Note the emphasis is on how their behaviour has impacted on you.

Therefore, we are not criticising the behaviour, rather the impact it has on the parent.

”I” statements stimulate the child’s thinking ability. They are more inclined to change the child’s behaviour.

Try and avoid using the word, ”YOU” when referring to your child. We know that this implies a sense of judgement and using a child’s name more frequently is a better option, it suggests a deeper relationship.

Building Social Stamina in children

Establishing friendship groups is important. Encourage children to play with as many of their classmates as they wish.

Children need to feel comfortable moving in and out of different social groups. The more they accept differences, the more emotionally mature they grow.

The child must be happy in order to succeed. Talk to your child’s teacher if this changes. It is important to let them know if there are any changes in home life or if other circumstances are likely to distress your child.

Stress on children can impact on their performance in school. Keeping your teacher informed with regard to changing circumstances will help them plan effectively for your child. School provides many challenges.

Your child will be exposed to many different values and ideas. Work through issues gently with your child, encouraging them to understand that all families are different and occasionally have different opinions as well.

Ensure that your child attends all school activities as this will help them feel strongly connected to the school.

We know that early learning at school will have a profound effect on your child’s attitude or disposition towards learning. Therefore, supporting the teacher and working closely with the school is important in ensuring that the early learning experiences are rich and fulfilling.

Your child needs a positive disposition in order to succeed at school. This involves building enthusiasm, being confident, committed, co-operative and flexible. All of these qualities will evolve and grow as children experience school life.

From time to time they will have lapses and this is to be expected as each day presents different challenges, just like it does for adults.

What's in a school year?

There are four term in a school year.  

A teacher thinks and plans four terms, each with 10 or eleven weeks work. As parents you will soon get into a similar routine of planning around the four terms.

First term is all about establishment, building relationships, getting to know the children in class and establishing friendship groups. Some children are not great change agents and this can take a little time. For some children, it may take the whole term, especially if they bonded well with the previous teacher and class. Teachers are settling into routines and it is important that the parents understand how the teachers work. This way you can support your child best by talking about the teacher's style..

Term two, routines are well set up and expectations very clearly set. This is a time to ensure your child has established patterns of working at home and at school.

Term three is serious consolidation and by this time, teachers have a lot of data about their students where they set goals very specifically for each child. This is also winter time and it is not uncommon for children to have bouts of illness. Keep an eye on their health and make certain they get plenty of sleep around this time.

Term four is a happy one and a time to really deepen their connections with teachers and class. Towards the end of the year, anxiety can creep in with the prospect of change. This is a time to chat to them about the excitement of change and remind them how they settled into their current class. 

 Remember school is about routine and each term has its own character and purpose. 

How can you plan for the different school terms?

Finding friends when you first start school

Feeling connected is what this is about.

Parents often worry that their child will not bond with other children and begin to feel isolated.

The good news is that teachers are really switched on about this matter. Schools usually have a special playground or designated areas whereby prep teachers are rostered on during the breaks. Most schools set up a buddy systems where your child has a senior child overseeing them in the yard. This is quite comforting to the child and parents value this support.

All schools are very aware that early days in prep means extra special attention is given to the children settling in to school. Within a few weeks, friendships begin to form and children find small networks on the yard with which to play.

 Ask your teacher the following questions:

• Is my child bonding well with other children?

• Are they on their own during the breaks?

• Do they engage well with other children?

 Just an occasional check in with the teacher will give you that reassurance.

The thought of our children not making friends at school is heartbreaking.

Prep teacher - a child's perspective

Do you remember your prep teacher? To a prep child, the teacher is such a powerful image in their mind. Parents often bemoan the fact that the prep teacher seems to be first in the mind of the child before the parents!

What this means is that the teacher will have a most impressive impact on the life of the child for that first year. This is why the child needs to hear and see that their family equally values the presence of that teacher in the child's life. What I am saying here is that in order for the child to feel secure in that first year, they need the reassurance from their parents that they are in a strong and trusting relationship also with the teacher.

If at any point, you feel some discussion is necessary with the teacher regarding a matter, ensure that the child still feels reassured that everyone is on the same page. When children feel less secure they will often shut down and not talk as much about their school day if the the overall trust between school and home is not strong.

The good news is that prep teachers are chosen for the very specialised ways they handle children's emotions. Prep teachers are wonderful nurturers and passionate early educators, skilled in working closely with young families.

It's only a balloon

Balloons can be lots of fun.

They also are easily available and can be great to express feelings.

For example, if a child has had a bad day, ask them to blow up the balloon thinking about all the things that went wrong.

They can mention them with each new breath taken. Then let it go!! Wow it splatters everywhere and of course makes the appropriate sound.

Then you say..."problems are blown away into the air !"

Children can draw a sad face on the balloon before they let it go.

I have used this with younger children and they enjoy the experience of letting their sad feelings just blow away.

It's all about how we value the child

I have often said that one could write a PHD on the following. In my office my feelings chart is used quite often. The one feeling children always talk about is the feeling of “being proud”.

When this is examined, it is about the child feeling that their actions are not giving the parents a feeling that they are proud of them.

This may seem strange as we think that we reinforce them often. This is sometimes why children are reluctant to “have a go”. Will they fail and what will people think then?

A good response to this is to simply to remind them often of the things that make you proud.

“I am so proud of your efforts at school”.

“I am proud that you had a go at something hard.”

Even though we acknowledge their efforts they are always checking in with us as to whether they are valued. Using the word proud has high value in their minds.

For those that like the drama

This may not be for everyone but acting out situations can be a great way of telling stories and learning about feelings.

When a child is feeling sad and you feel up to the exercise, try acting out a story that they are familiar with.

For example act out, the three little pigs. The child joins in and soon the attention goes to the drama and the child's attention is taken from their first preoccupations.

When the dramatisation is over you can suggest "now you seemed sad . Are you feeling better now?”

Another acting out is through finger puppets. Children enjoy becoming the character and sometimes discuss their feelings through the puppets. I have seen this dramatic activity done also with plastic gloves and the child draws the characters, firstly on the fingers of the gloves.

Using drama is about transferring the feeling onto the character and talking through the emotions. I have always found that children who struggle to express themselves and don't feel confident around peers show a great interest in drama and often excel in this field. They thoroughly enjoy taking on another character and expressing them in a public way.

No surprises that many of our famous actors were not confident children in their own right.

It's all about the sand and the feeling

Sand is magic! The feeling, the sensation in your hand and the sense of control you have with sand is very satisfying.

I once had a group of year six children ready to graduate who wanted a special day dedicated to themselves just to play in the sandpit! They wanted to keep the child alive in them even though the adolescent in them was present ! Look at the beach and watch how children play happily together for hours, just digging!

A wonderful new product is kinetic sand which can be purchased in children shops everywhere. This product is wonderful for those children who just need space when they are overwhelmed by emotions. Having a sand tray at home will give them the freedom to rest mentally and just be!

These sand trays work very well for children on the spectrum or for those children less able to regulate their emotions. If they are kept in a shallow box they can be readily made available when a child needs that space.

I have proudly kept a small sand tray in my office for quite some time. I find those children needing time to recover from heated emotions looks to it for comfort. A little bit of beach life in my office is a wonderful idea!

Reading through the problems

There are many beautiful feeling books that are written for children to think through their problems.

They work well as the child sees the problem as some one else's problem and as the story unfolds and a solution is found, the child can put themselves in the place of the character.

Many good children's libraries stock these books. As well they can be purchased on line.

Remember, that when you read the story to the child, highlight how the character solved the problem and ask. "Have you ever had that feeling yourself?”

Children are very familiar with using books to tell stories that have a message. Teachers use this method all the time.

Remember, repeating the stories is also a good idea to reinforce the concepts and deepen the understandings especially with younger children.

On the subject of writing

Sometimes children find it difficult to express their feelings publicly.

Sometimes their feelings of sadness are hard to express.

Keep a large book at home where they can draw their feelings that they would like to discuss.

When you have discussed the feelings and they have been addressed, it is always fun to rip out the page together, screw up the paper, throw it away celebrating that we have really resolved that problem!

This works well with children from preschool to year six. The dramatising of destroying the paper is good therapy making the child feel better.

Keeping a happy journal that tells of success

Research tells us that using positive psychology with children is highly effective in building emotional stamina. Success builds success and children will always grow from the positive in their life. How do we feel as adults when our boss gives us affirmation. This is often a stimulus to feeling successful. SOMEONE VALUES ME!

Keeping a positive journal is highly effective. This is a book where you write positive statements about your child.

For example, “ Today, I loved the way you smiled at me”. This book then becomes a collection of positive memories. Simple concepts are all that is needed.

I recommend no more than one thought a day or even a few statements across the week. Children love going back over the book and reading the positive comments. This is especially helpful when they are having less happy times.

In counselling, we would call this narrative therapy, where we recognise that the written word is so valuable. I have used this method quite often in school and also my staff. Just imagine, we write beautiful thoughts on a birthday card. This is likened to receiving a birthday card more often! How many birthday cards do we keep over the years?

A little box with tricks inside

Parents often tell me that getting children to talk about their concerns is difficult. Some parents have found great success in using this idea.

Invite the child to decorate a small box, no bigger that a shoe box even smaller is a good idea. Ask them to decorate it in a way that expresses themselves. The child keeps the box in a special place in their room. When they feel they want to talk about a problem, suggest they write the problem down on paper and leave it in the box. At night, just before bed, when parents tuck them in ready to say goodnight, ask them would they like to discuss the content of the box.

Many children enjoy the mystery and privacy of such an activity. A parent can only read the content when invited. This seems to work well for all ages in a primary setting. Younger children might just draw pictures.

When things are not smooth sailing

As the prep year turns into a few weeks, sometimes situations change for the child. The friendship they thought was solid can shift, or perhaps someone acted inappropriately on the yard. Perhaps the child was not hearing effectively the directions of the teacher. There are many small factors that can suddenly turn a sunny situation into feelings of sadness.

This is all about a child learning to adjust to changing scenarios. It is early days of building resilience in a child, developing emotional intelligence and building social literacies. Parents can suddenly feel anxious when what seemed a perfect start turns around to being a child who does not want to go to school. Sounds dramatic but the turn around in the child's mood can happen quickly and dramatically.

What the parent does now is critical in showing the child how to deal with school issues.

Here are some easy steps to follow:

• Listen to their concerns.
• Show empathy but recognise that this is a problem we need to talk to the teacher about.
• Try and get the child to articulate to the teacher the problem.

Sometimes this does not work subject to the child's emotional maturity. Once the teacher knows the concerns, they will work with the child on the problem. 

Tap in with the child along the way asking how is the problem going? Remember, we are teaching them that from an early age they own the problem and with good support we can find solutions.

Don't forget to affirm the child once the problem is solved. “Well done. I am proud that you worked out that problem with help from those that you trust.”