The value of putting structure into a child’s life

We all love some routine in our life. This gives us predictability and reassurance. We grow familiar with routine and we can rely on its regularity. Having said this, I would be the first to say introduce variety and flexibility into a child’s life. They need to create and explore outside the routine of everyday life. Being creative, stretching the imagination takes them into new territories of growth on so many levels. They also start to value being a risk-taker.

So, I have said it, providing variability is important for a child’s growth. This article is now a little in defence of routine and structure.

Learn how to provide the balance and choose occasions to allow both systems to thrive.

In a child’s life, they need periods to be calm and stable. They need predictability and this certainly comes with putting in place some suitable structures and boundaries. When a child’s world is turned upside down through, for example, family crisis the first thing they often crave is routines and boundaries. They are comforting and reassuring.

At the beginning of each school term, children love being back in the predictability of classroom routine. Here they can evaluate themselves and measure success more easily. There is a comfortable familiarity and measurability about the classroom.

In working with children who were having some anxiety issues, it was common practice to keep the environment in which we chatted consistent. It was also important that I maintained my usual predictable tones and worked in a familiar way with the child. These structures acted as a safe and predictable boundary in which to engage. The minute I stepped out of these boundaries, the child would become confused and struggle in responding to me comfortably.

Here are a few thoughts on putting boundaries and structures in place.

• Ensure the boundary is realistic and that the child understands the purpose of the boundary.

• Set up weekly routines at home with regard to basic issues such as homework routines, reading in bed, eating between meals etc. These can be discussed regularly with the family and renegotiated where necessary.

• Where possible invite your child into setting up routines for themselves. It is always much more likely to be successful if it comes from the child.

“What time do you think is reasonable for bed? Let’s discuss the jobs you have to do before bed to work out bedtime.”

• Discuss some routines you have set up for yourself. Talk about why the routine helps you in different ways.

• Talk about the structures that are set up in the classroom. This is an excellent way of talking about the value of structures.

“So, your teacher lets you eat snacks ten minutes before the bell. Why does she do this?”

• Pets are an excellent opportunity for a child to develop important structures that impact on a pet’s quality of life.

• If you are planning a holiday discuss with your child some structural issues that need to be considered.

“We are going camping soon, let’s make a list of important aspects of the trip that need to be considered.”

• Setting boundaries, establishing routines ensures that in the life of the child they are familiar with predictable parts of their life.  They can rely on knowing what will happen under certain conditions. The trick is to find a balance between providing structure and allowing the child to creatively explore the great unknown.

Too much controlling structure will stifle a child just as too much open-ended scenarios provides insecurity for the child. Learn how to provide the balance and choose occasions to allow both systems to thrive.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.”

— Aristotle  

Routine leads to developing life habits.

Some people just love routine. Others struggle with keeping up the pace of routine. We are all different in managing our lifestyles. Whatever the style you have adopted, consider the fact that you are the modelling patterns for your child. I am referring now to regular attendance at school.

This is a pattern worth developing. The more a child values being in school each day, the better balance they have an understanding of routine. As a  Principal, it was not uncommon to see children unsettled returning into a  classroom later in the day or after several days absence. Of course illness etc. can interfere in regular attendance but attending school on time, each day provides stability and predictability for a child. They love routine and feel secure in knowing how their day will start. They are conscious of their relationships with their peers and understand how they destabilise when not regularly present at school.

All families are busy and have different and varied ways of operating. The size of the family, working parents, sick children etc. impact on how a family starts the day.

Attempting to make a good start each day demonstrates to the child that it has priority in family life and is valued.

Perhaps discussing as a family how this can best work and agreeing to morning routines may help.

Some parents set up a weekly chart and each day tick off their good habits in following morning routines. They even celebrate at the end of the week when it all went to routine. Whatever the method, the message to the child is that regular and punctual school attendance is strongly valued in their family.

Keep up the conversation at home about how morning routines are working. Of course, it will break down from time to time but it is all about imprinting in the child, the family value that consistent attendance at school is an important family value.    

Routine is important for a child, particularly school.