Back to school and living the new norm

What is that new norm? It is about living with Covid 19 present around us. It is also having a raised awareness of how the condition can influence our lives. We are still reeling from the difficult year we had in 2020. Now our children return to school and try to start afresh with a new teacher, new friendships, challenges on the yard etc. We all remember the time when so suddenly school was shut and children went online at home to study. No surprises that we have some residual grief about the losses and isolation we all had to endure.

With the above in mind, I recommend that parents consider the following thoughts for a year that, for our children, will be a new norm. The schools may have changed some rules to adjust with dealing with the pandemic and children are aware that washing hands, keeping a distance etc. are all new rules we are living around.

 Consider:

• When planning for term one, go easy. The children may take extra time to adjust to the new school year and term one is all about meeting and greeting, setting boundaries and establishing oneself in the classroom.

• Check in regularly with your child.

“This year has started well. How are you finding the new start?”

• Be in touch with the teacher to ensure that your child is starting well. Best to do this early rather than finding out after too many unsettling times have occurred for the child.

• Setting up a routine is important. Invite your child to help with the plan for that routine. Establish where they will do their homework and talk about the balance of activities across the week. Given the break they had last year, a whole term of afterschool activities across a week could be quite a task.

• Ensure that bedtime is regular. Given the recent holidays and the different patterns of last year, establishing routine bedtime could be difficult for some time.

• Talk occasionally as a family about the unique journey everyone had in the family last year. There may be some grief and disappointments that your child needs to talk about. Perhaps some anxiety about being away from you more often this year. Also, talk about the positive side to the home schooling and to your time together. It was, after all a unique year, unlikely to ever be repeated.

• It is also important to talk generally about the state of the pandemic and how we are managing ourselves. There will be the new issue of the vaccination and there will be much talk about this matter both in the media and amongst the community. Let your child know that keeping abreast of current information that is accurate is important.

• Are there aspects of last year that you wish to take up in 2021? Many families are already bemoaning the fact that they will have less quality time with their children. Plan to keep up some good habits you may have developed from last year when in isolation.

 We all go into this new year with the hope that it will be better for everyone. As a family, we have grown in so many ways being together so intimately. We have initiated new ways to entertain ourselves and just be family.  May the new year, bring with it recently acquired wisdom from 2020 and the hope that we go forward well prepared for 2021 and the new norm.

“Children will listen to you after they feel listened too.”

— Jane Nelsen

Back to school post covid

Are we expecting too much?

Oh, what a year it has been for everyone! Here we are with a few weeks to go, Christmas in the air and school back in action.

Are we normal again? What is normal and is it important to be back in what we understood as normal? Who knows the answer to that question?

With all the variation of the year, changing expectations and the ever-present idea that we could be back in lockdown if everything goes pear-shaped, are we expecting too much?

Here are a few tips to make for a gentle exit to the year and a happy entry into the holiday period.

• Be gentle on yourself. If you notice that you are not operating as normal, so be it!  Now is a balancing act of getting everything done for Christmas and at the same time remaining calm.

• Keep simple and happy routines going for the children. They deserve to feel safe and be reassured of normality in their life. They need to feel a sense of familiarity in their world.

• Don’t set expectations too high with regard to learning. The children are getting back into what is a broken year for school and even teachers will find it hard to assess the performance of the children. You may find the school report quite modified to suit the situation. Remember learning has occurred this year in a whole different way.

• Keep home life stable and not too unsettled. Be predictable and reliable when promising children what lies ahead.

• Take care when disciplining poor behaviour. Check in to find out what is driving the problem. Children can still be unsettled in the school, with friends etc. There may be some matter affecting their ability to function well.

• Take care not too overcrowd the week. Let some form of normality operate in your family life. What can you take out of your week to simplify life for the family? Look positively to the Christmas period. It is an excellent time to heal from our unsettled year. Watch old joyous Christmas movies filled with warm feelings, goodwill and happiness.

• Reduce negative talk around the house. This can make children anxious.

Finally, keep up the listening with our children. They need to feel heard as they come to understand what they have been experiencing this year.

“Keep your face always towards the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.”

— Walt Whitman

As we anticipate the end of the year

So much change and difference has been occurring this year. The news each day about the pandemic, the staggered return to school, the anticipation of holidays, the finishing off a very short unsatisfying school year and so the list goes on. It is natural that our children will be cautious and double-checking with us about holidays plans, Christmas etc.

All of us are placing hope in the new year that it will be as normal as we have had in the past. Children also are quietly placing their own hope in the new year that they will not be anxious anymore about the unknown.

𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧:

• Talk about the positive news we here especially with regard to the incredible speed of the vaccine.

• Talk about the holidays and Christmas being a time to slow down, enjoy the summer spirit and share happy times together. Talk about the plans that you are putting in place for January.

• There are some good news stories appearing in the paper. Talk about the great examples of courage and generosity that are present in our society.

• Invite your child to be part of the holiday plans. This is also a time to talk about what is possible as a family.

• What kind of Christmas are you planning? This is a great time to inject happy, positive feelings around the family. Consider how you will celebrate the festive season and include your child in the planning. The more they engage in activities that are affirming and joyous the more reassurance they gain about the future. We are all talking about the new norm we will live in post the pandemic. Let us at least try to put back some happy normality such as the celebration of Christmas, Summer and holidays. We are fortunate to have this on our doorstep.

• There will soon be the end of the year school functions and it is so important that the children farewell their class in the normal way. Teachers will of course modify the celebrations to suit the occasion but it is a chance to talk about the year and the challenges it has presented. It will be a chance for all school participants to farewell the grief that all felt with such a compromised school this year.

• Try to attend farewell school functions if included as it provides some security and a sense of normality for the child. It also is a vehicle to talk about the modified school year and the loss the child has felt with friendships etc.

• Even though as family lockdown presented all sorts of challenges and opportunities school holidays are all about rest and recovery. Giving your child what would be a normal family Christmas and holiday will be comforting and reassuring after such a tumultuous year. They will love that sense of normality in their life.

Finally, whilst I understand that we’re all talking about what has happened this year, try to reduce the anxious conversation around your child and talk about the hope of Christmas and the New Year. Such talk is healthy for everyone in the family.

Providing balance to your child’s life.

We all need balance in our life. The last few months have challenged families in how they provide such balance and how they keep the overall momentum and spirit of the family going.

Balance is all about ensuring that variation and some real difference comes into play. Having more of the same can be restrictive, tedious and does not give the child opportunities to think in alternative ways. It hinders the ability to process different information and to succeed through various channels. When you spent those long hours working with children on the computer during the home-schooling period, did you not crave letting loose and freeing up time to do other more relaxing activities?

Classrooms are all about providing a day’s activities that contain balanced activities with recreation, spare time, alternative activities etc. The variance stimulates a child to perform better. It’s like pressing a refresher button every so often.  It is all about encouraging children to change direction and process their thoughts differently. This is excellent for stretching the brain in different directions. It enables children to look forward to activities in which they know they can succeed.

The good news is that many of the activities we enjoyed before coronavirus lockdown have returned and so now, we can plan our week confident that we can provide some balance for the week.

Consider:

• Can the children return to sport?

• Are there new sports or outdoor activities they can join?

• Given the quality time you had together in lockdown such as riding bikes etc, can this still be part of your regime?

• Have you mapped out time for homework, time for family activities? Time for personal space etc?

• Are you able to hang onto some of those great family habits of sharing time together now that we are back to post covid normal?

Your child will be adjusting to school, home, reengaging with friends, etc. Keep an eye on the balance and as a family discuss what the week should look like for all family members.

We do not live in a perfect world and families strive to be the best but this will come with twists and turns. Those twists and turns are all about finding some balance especially when times get tough and a new alignment is needed to keep the family well orientated. Such alignment will need frequent upgrades every so often.

 Families are after all a work in constant progress.

“Restore balance. Most children have technology, school and extracurricular activities covered.
It’s time to add
A pinch of adventure
A sprinkle of sunshine
and a big handle of outdoor play.”

— Penny Whitehouse

SO, WE ARE ALL BACK IN ACTION!

How does it feel to be back into weekly routine with the children at school? Much relief I imagine as well as mixed feelings of having less connection to the children throughout the whole day. These times are curious indeed and we will all have various feelings about what is happening, is about to change again and what is safe and constant in our life. As we approach the normal anxiety that comes with Christmas preparations, we are still dealing with settling the children back into school for a few weeks and planning those summer holidays hopefully with more choice than we have at the moment.

No surprises that the family will be a little unsettled as everyone fits back into a routine, wears masks, shops within 25 Kms etc.

Post Covid 19 - and our new routines.

Unusual times calls for some unusual actions to get everyone through the darkest hours. Here are some thoughts to help ease the stress.

• Be kind to yourself, if routine isn’t as you knew it, so be it for the remainder of the year.

• Allow the children to be moody and unsettled as they are still finding their balance back at school and in the home.

• Check in with your child to ensure that they understand what is happening and that they are not being guided by misinformation which can happen through schoolyard gossip.

• Reassure your child that we are getting to the end of the year and with this comes hope for the New Year. We need to build in that component of hope as we work to simply getting better.

• Share family time as with the return of school this will mean less time together and to date, you have had an amazing quality time together.

• Keep up with family activities as these have probably increased over the past few months and they have been a great healing time together. Reduced family time will be a loss for the children.

• Expectations at school will be different and so it is still important to tune into what is being asked of your child. This tells them that your interest in school is still alive.

• Keep family conversations going about how everyone is settling back into routine. The child will feel some loss and gain in all sorts of ways. It is best to talk about these feelings and together work through those shifting emotions.

With a few weeks of the school year left and with the approach of Christmas I have three thoughts on my mind:

Slow down

          laugh together

                    share conversations about this year’s journey.

Let’s understand the value of our unique time together.

What more can we say about the tricky situation we face ourselves in with the lockdown and homeschooling? Here, I suggest we think about how children are learning differently and this has its amazing merits.

Consider the following list of ways children are now learning and experiencing life. Think about how you can enhance and enrich the situation.

Make the most of this stressful time. Value this unique time with your children.

• You are having more conversation with your child across the day. Make them valuable conversations.

• Given the hours you are together, ensure that those hours provide happy experiences. Keep laughter and lightness alive across the day.

• If you are enjoying more outside exercise with your child, start talking about and noticing the beauty and differences in nature. With winter in its grip, this is a great time to observe temperature changes and how the season is crisp and the skylights different.

• With exercise comes more awareness and sensitivity to the body. Talk about your changing fitness levels and have fun in playing and exercising together where possible.

• Be smaller in the way you act and be childlike from time to time. This can be such fun and enlightenment for your child. They need to see the child within their parent.

• Silence can be seen as golden. Enjoy the passive, quiet times when you are simply together. See them as an opportunity to be in each other’s presence without complications of conversation, noise, expectations, etc.

• Of course, food is important during these unsettling times as it often nourishes the spirit and not just the body. Engage in cooking together and enjoying exploring with new flavours, colours etc. in food. Don’t be frightened to simply experiment, make a mess together etc.

• Is there some manual activity you can do with your child? Build a cubby house, make a go-cart etc. Such manual exercise together builds strong bonds.

• This is a time for the family to learn about the value of just sitting and also being active. Talk about how both have value and how to create the balance and not see each of them as rivals.

• This is a wonderful time to really know yourself as a family. What makes your family tick? Explore this question with all the family and talk about how you act as a family unit. Once the busy, noisy regularity of the week goes back to normal you will not have that quality thinking time as a family. There is a certain dynamic that drives your family. Explore it while the opportunity presents itself.

There are many simple activities and experiences going on in the isolation of your family across the day. Think about the simplicity that will be gone once normality comes back. Will we then be craving a quieter time? Will we be regretting the opportunities we had to be just family?

Enjoy the simple, uncluttered moments with the family. Remember that this unique time has some special value in your life.

“Live intentionally. Forget that and your life will be lived for you.”

— Linus Mundy

The changing nature of families

Just when you think everything in your family is sitting cosily, along comes change. Yes, it is true. The nature of families continues to evolve and change, as you and the children experience normal life experiences and the children start to grow. It was common at school for parents to ask how can their beautiful, innocent child that demonstrated sweetness and light suddenly become difficult and present such unattractive behaviour.

Young parents sending their first child to school were always being surprised at the changes their child was making in their first year. Suddenly the child’s exposure to so many other influences loomed loud in their life.

Finally, families are a living, breathing organism that needs regular emotional nourishment from within.

As a family there are certain factors that drive a healthy life across all the age periods that the child and family will experience. Nothing remains constant. Families will experience changes for a variety of reasons that will influence your child’s response. For example, you may go back to work after being at home for some time. A crisis, perhaps a death or illness can have a big impact on how a family operates and how emotionally they feel. As a family there could be crisis which has major changes in the life of everyone. Schools can change, teachers can move schools suddenly, destabilising your child’s feeling of being secure. A child being ill can impact on their emotional response to situations, a new arrival appears in the family and so the list goes on.

What we are saying here is that there are several consistently sound factors that healthy families can live with comfortably, which incorporates and accepts change. Of course, a major feature of late is the adjustments we are all making with Covid 19 in our life. Let’s look at some stable aspects to a family that will help us weather the storm as our family evolves over the years.

The first thought is to accept that change is inevitable and that you welcome the change and various aspects of growth that you notice in your child. This may mean accepting some differences that challenge you as well.

As a family talk about open communication and how you welcome talking about changing ideas, beliefs and values that your child is coming across. Let them know that you respect their growth which will come with the introduction of challenging thoughts and values.

Children become quite sensitive about their friends. Welcome all types into your home. This reassures your child that you value their opinion. You may have some concerns but there are ways and means of having discussions later that do not put judgement on their choices.

As a family try different things across the years. More of the same has its value but if a child wants to try a different sport, activity etc. have ago with them in testing difference.

Compliment them on their growing awareness of life. Sometimes children become anxious to express a different opinion in the house. Welcome and invite different opinions with your children. This leads to healthy, open discussion. Merely enforcing your values only limits the conversation. It certainly doesn’t mean that they will adopt your values in the longer term.

If and when something of a major nature occurs in the family, be open and honest with your child. Of course, providing age appropriate information is necessary. However, the child needs to feel included when the family is in crisis and needs to have an honest understanding of what has happened to change their lives.

It is important for a child to feel that their opinion matters. When they discuss new topics, which can cause you to have some concerns, be authentic in your response and genuinely interested in what they have to say. Open, honest discussion means that children will trust the importance of parents around them with their inner most thoughts. They feel safe sharing with trusting parents that listen respectfully.

It is valuable from time to time to talk as a family about what drives all of you. In this way, children have reinforced ideas about what makes their family tick. They accept and enjoy its uniqueness.

In working with children, I was impressed with the emotional maturity of children who felt comfortable in open and honest discussions with their parents. They would choose them as the first port of call when they had a problem. They also had no reservation in talking about unsettling topics given that they knew parents would be receptive to their discussion and value their thoughts.

Finally, families are a living, breathing organism that needs regular emotional nourishment from within. The family continues to be nourished by healthy discussion and the ability of all members, no matter what age to feel valued and credible as part of the group.

“To improve is to change,
to be perfect is to change often.”

— Winston Churchill

Emptiness can be a virtue

With all that is going on at the moment parents are actively filling hours with busy activities and ensuring some of these hours have an educational basis to them. It is easy to feel that emptiness is a waste of time and a chance for real idleness to step in. Here we are challenging this thought. How much responsibility do we have as competent parents to fill in those busy hours for our children?

Our children live very busy lives both in and outside coronavirus times. As parents, we become focussed on ensuring that time is well spent and that by the end of the day, we can justify significant hours in useful exercises. I understand that a busy, active mind keeps idle fingers at bay.

Here I am also suggesting that creating space where children can create their own entertainment etc. can also be seen as a valuable tool. Busy people need breaks. A child needs time to think about what drives them in interests and what keeps them happy. Yes, I appreciate that distractions such as social media, television etc. can be a problem. I also believe that a child simply needs space to think freely and not be controlled by what we, the parents think is a valuable use of time.

Have you ever watched how free and engaged children are on the beach? We do not interrupt their play and enjoy seeing them just engage with nature and be happy in themselves. Here I am suggesting we bring that beach feeling into our home and legitimise the feeling that spare, independent time is acceptable and valued.

Often, we tend to be judgemental of how they use spare time. If they are not active, we think they are wasting valuable time. Sometimes just having spare time gives a child a chance to catch their breath and reflect on what they next want to do. Such spare time is undirected and is simply in the hands and control of the child. As parents, I suggest we are not critical of how they use that time and this gives them the freedom to feel that what they choose to do is totally up to them.

Think about ourselves. When we have spare time, do we want to be advised about how best to use that time? Often it is simply a chance to mentally enjoy respite from the busy days. Similarly, children deserve the right to have some time to themselves. It is a time to clear the head. It is all about just being a child and that may involve activities but also it may involve just a quiet time. It is a time for a brain rest. It is not about filling free time with busy activities.

Teachers often set free time in classrooms and they place no expectations on children. They see this time as an occasion to break from the pressures of the day and restore mental health before resuming activities. This can mean creating a vacancy in thinking which is quite refreshing before starting new work.

When working with children, I was very conscious of tapping into what the day had been for the child. If it had been very busy and overstimulating, I was reluctant to start conversations, especially towards the end of the day. The child needs mental respite from busy activities. Best to talk about matters when the child is mentally refreshed and interested.

In today’s world, we talk a lot about mindfulness and the readiness of people to take ownership of their own emotions by being at peace. I believe that creating a space that enables a person to mentally rest from stress or business helps restore a healthy more open attitude.

Similarly, a child needs mental space and the more we introduce and value their right to have it, the more emotionally capable they are in resolving matters. In this area, I believe they are no different from adults.

Consider the following:

• Morning is generally better to talk about matters if the child is refreshed and their thoughts uncluttered.

• Tiredness is not a time to talk about complicated issues. If you give your child some time to empty their mind, they are more receptive to listening with understanding.

• A child that values some mental space develops great habits in being mentally healthy. They grow to value their own sense of personal emptiness. They see it as an opportunity to feel mentally refreshed.

Never underestimate the value of creating some mental space for children. They have a right to own this space for themselves.

“Mental health is not a destination, but a process. It’s about how you drive, not where you’re going.”

— healthyplace.com

A child needs mental space and the more we introduce and value their right to have it, the more emotionally capable they are in resolving matters. In this area, I believe they are no different from adults.

If it all gets too much!

And it will from time to time. This is a new norm for all of us and we are learning to live in a whole different way around ourselves and each other. There will be whole new set of skills we are trying to learn on the run as we have so many uncertainties around us.

Let’s not to be too hard on ourselves when we:

Are there days when if is all too much?

• simply don’t understand our child’s behaviour

• find it difficult to listen to each other properly

• become less tolerant of poor behaviour and show less interest in understanding it

• lose interest in being constantly supportive

• find it hard to be the teacher and worry about their learning

• become fatigued and intolerant when repeating instructions

• use language that isn’t appropriate.

Let’s accept that we are not perfect and our vulnerable human side will come out when we feel frustrated or unsatisfied. The circumstances we are all living around are almost surreal and there is no guidebook.

Now that you understand that being perfect just isn’t on the radar, consider the following to help ease the tension and turn negative into positive where and when possible.

• If you enjoy music play it often and enjoy the wonderful release it gives you.

• Just ignore some behaviour recognising that your child is also trying to regulate themselves in the new world. Only fight the battles that are really important and don’t do it when you are not in a good space to respond.

• Check the day activities. Include some positive experiences are built in to the day. This could be games together, cooking etc. Remember that you are building a stronger relationship in difficult circumstances. Every little effort helps.

• Can you build in rest during the day? This could be as simple as sitting on the couch, watching some television etc. Not everything must be hyperactive and stimulating. Teaching children to just be calm is so important.

• Remember, that we are adjusting to a new norm. You are creating your own world in your home with your children.

• If housework has now increased with the family being at home, do you have to keep up the same pace. Change routines here so that irritability and fatigue don’t creep in. How tidy does the house need to be?

• Go through all your beautiful photos of the children over the years. This can be a great rediscovery for the children and a chance to put some order into them.

Learning for the children comes from many sources and not just a classroom. Your home in its own way is a classroom. Relax and know that you are teaching them throughout the day in various ways. You may be discussing the coronavirus, making pasta, discussing the wellbeing of the pets. All are learning experiences for the child.

Be alert to your levels of tiredness. This could be in the middle of the afternoon etc. Do less in that time and pull away from heavy, heated discussions and activities. Recognise your pressure points and tune into your moods. This will help you make choices which will not cause further anxiety and escalation of emotions. Children read your every mood.

Listen to the serious update news once and not anymore for the day. Repeated news that is disturbing can bring down moods very quickly. Find something positive to listen to during the day.

Praise yourself for doing such a great job in such a difficult, unprecedented situation. We often hear how difficult it was for families during the war. We are now in our own war and need to recognise how clever we are in finding ways through it.

Have you already discovered how you are using your intuition and self-awareness to make the home workable? You are probably noticing differences that you may introduce after we get through the worst of it. From adversity comes innovation. Well Done!

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation in which I rebuilt my life.”

— J K Rowling

The power of simply walking away

This is a great strategy to use in difficult times. We are all living in confined spaces for some time. This is the new norm. We are all trying to reinvent a situation in the home that works for all involved from the youngest to the oldest. Whoever thought that such a confined and prolonged situation would happen?

Well it certainly has and whilst we have to recreate, we also need to recognise our trigger points and all the various aspects of the day that can set us off. It is natural to be reactive in confined spaces.

This article is simply to remind us of an excellent strategy, one that is used by many people when they feel overwhelmed. This strategy works on various levels. It all about the art of simply walking away when it gets too much. This strategy works because it creates some emotional space between the incident and the feelings of heightened anger or frustration which invariably lead to an explosion.

Does this look like you at times?

Once you leave the immediacy of the situation and simply distance yourself from what has upset you, you will automatically slow down this heightened feeling. Other forms of this strategy are to avoid walking into situations when you know you will react. This is taking quite a proactive stand.

Creating the distance has a remarkable calming effect on the intensity of the problem. If the problem was a ten out of ten, now it may be an eight out of ten.

If you anticipate reacting badly to some potential situation at home, can you remove yourself for a short period to slow down your response? It really works.

In working with children, it was accepted that you never responded straight away, you allowed a moment or two to elapse which led to better outcomes in dealing with the problem. It helped to process the problem better and to prepare a more suitable response. Teachers are quite skilled in doing this as there are many times in a busy day in a crowded classroom that they can be quickly overwhelmed by a problem.

Removing yourself is effective for the following reasons.

• You are not overreacting and saying and doing things that you later regret. Keeping everything in proportion is so important.

• Creating space helps you have time to process the problem and put it into perspective. It is amazing how your brain works to recover from the heightened anger quickly when you allow that mental space.

• It allows the child to think about what has just happened and this gives them time to respond with less anxiety.

• You are generally sounding calmer and direct your comments to the child in a more acceptable way. The child is more likely to listen if the parent is in control.

• The more you train yourself to step away when feeling very upset, the more you will appreciate that the outcomes are better for all concerned.

• You are also demonstrating to your child that you need time to understand what has just occurred. You are not over judging.

Keep in mind that at all times in communication with your children you need to manage how you communicate by being in control.  When situations look precarious find ways to step away from the situation at least for a little while until you feel more in control. Whilst living around each other in confined spaces train yourself to recognise the trigger signs that set you off. Being in control will also be noticed by your children which is a calming agent for them.

This article is a simple one. It just gives us an excellent method of managing tempers that can quickly escalate.

Practice walking away in your mind and perhaps physically walking away from the situation for a moment. Be silent in voice and body. You have nothing to lose but much to gain in showing effective self-discipline in highly charged situations.

“The best answer to anger is silence.”

— Marcus Aurelius

Have you thought about designing a family Mission Statement?

This can be a great family activity and one which highlights all the gifts and treasures that you have as a family. Children are often very aware of developing mission statements as teachers often design one for their classroom at the commencement of each school year. It is more than a set of rules to work around, it is also about the values inherent in the class.

Basically, it is about writing down all the things that you know and value about your family. It is about what makes your family a unique group. It outlines the values that you as a family want to live by and that you all recognise as important and unique to you as a family unit.

All parties in the family take an active role in selecting aspects of family life that are special and familiar to you. It is a wonderful activity to do as a whole family and encourages everyone to reflect on what constitutes you as a unique family unit. Take time to work on this project. This lends itself to much discussion, reflection and negotiation.

Your Mission Statement could read something like this:

A family mission statement outlines the values that you as a family want to live by and that you all recognise as important and unique to you as a family unit.

• In our family, we love eating together and talking about our day.

• In our family, we enjoy playing together in the yard across the week.

•  As a family, we are open about our problems and listen to each other with understanding.

• As a family, we value each member as being important.

• As a family, we love to laugh together often.

• As a family, we value being active and enjoy the outdoors.

Notice that your Mission Statement will be all about the uniqueness of your family. You could call it a charter by which you desire to live.

Children love discussing what is important to them and invite your children to write this all down and when it is finished put it on the fridge for occasional reference. 

Given the isolation we are all experiencing at the moment, now is an excellent time to deepen your thinking on how your family operates. What are the strengths you have noticed over the past few weeks?

Mission Statements can be updated and altered to suit the changing nature of a growing family. In a school setting whilst a Mission Statement was constant in the room for the year, it was not uncommon to discuss how it could be improved, areas in which the class needed to improve and possible areas to develop. It is a great tool to simply discuss the shifting status of your family.

Children love that it is a constant, reliable component of the family values and something to live up to. It also encourages them to understand that families are all different and each has their own way of operating and connecting. It teaches them to reflect on honouring their family values and gives them a sense of pride and purpose.

Of course, by nature of being a child, mistakes happen. The Mission Statement gives you a vehicle to remind each other about what you value. It provides boundaries and acts as a positive incentive for all. When you refer to it always talk about the positive aspects that make it unique to yourselves. It is a proud family statement about who you are.

It is not a weapon in which to be disappointed in children when they let you down. It is simply a set of values that we work towards in a positive and happy way. It is a wonderful statement of family and the special dynamics that operate in that unit. Make it fun and engaging for all in putting it together. Make it enjoyable, easy to understand and above all attainable.

“The job of the mission statement is to articulate the essence of why the organisation exists.”

— Sam Frank

Growing up in a generation where it is all about me

It is sad to say but our children are very much part of a generation where considering themselves as the all-important one is a feature of their life. Whilst there are sound factors in looking after yourself and putting yourself forward to ensure safety, improvement and ongoing development, it can at times come at the cost of thinking of others.

Our children are being moulded into their own generation and will model and develop ways and means of being, subject to the development of that culture. This is natural. What I am suggesting is to be a parental model that introduces the strong presence of compassion, unselfishness and gratitude into their life.

The more children see and live in the presence of such values they are more inclined to use them in their own experiences. The more they see their parents utilising these values in their own lives with others and themselves, they grow more inclined to model what they are taught.

Consider the following thoughts which offers some positive ways to present those virtues in the life of the child.

Do your children experience parental model that introduces the strong presence of compassion, unselfishness and gratitude into their life?

• Talk openly about kind acts that you notice around you. Compliment your child when they demonstrate thoughtfulness to others. Encourage them to look for the generous spirit of others

“I was so impressed when I saw how your friend shared his toys.”

• Many of the movies you share together as a family often carry simple messages about humility and gratefulness. Talk about these virtues as a family. Of course, you can teach a great deal through reading books together.

• When you are working through problems with your child, consider how you are communicating with them and how you show compassion through their problems.

• Do you become overwhelmed by the issue or do you discuss it with a calm disposition and a tolerance for mistakes?

• Developing highly effective listening skills with your child is an excellent way to demonstrate that you are a calm and reasonable person who values their child.

• Take care in choosing the right language when speaking to your children. Positive language that is consistent and reinforcing to the child is very important. Take care that inappropriate or indirect name-calling is not present.

• When discussing situations with your child that may be on the news or perhaps issues that have happened at school always look to being compassionate in how you interpret the situation. Definitely stay away from the “blame game” and from talking inappropriately about a person. Here you are teaching your child that you respect the integrity of others even though the situation may be difficult.

• When your child talks about their special needs here you can open up their thinking to think of others.

“I understand that you were hurt with rough play but I wonder if others also felt that pain?”

• Sharing and collaborating are great skills to develop. Where possible teach your child to be inclusive and to reach out to others. Demonstrate this in your own life when dealing with others.

“Those chocolates look lovely that grandma gave you. Do you plan to share them with your friends?”

• The idea here is to encourage thinking of others as more important in sharing in the pleasure than simply eating them alone.

• When opportunities present invite people into your child’s life. This teaches them that sharing experiences has more joy in it than being in isolation.

• Being inclusive with birthday parties, family social events etc. teaches your child to enjoy many and varied people.

• In a world where children are exposed to so much stimulus and with so many messages about firstly looking after yourself, it is important to build a balance between selfcare and the care and awareness of others.

Sound modelling from inclusive parents provides a climate in which a child learns to see the world from a much broader perspective.

“It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.”

— LR Knost

Keeping you the parent well and healthy makes for a happier child

Most important! Your health as a parent under all the stress that is current is an important factor in keeping the home fires burning well. The old saying, “if mamma ain’t right, the whole family ain’t right” has some truth in it.

Walking through depleted shops, listening to the current news is enough to fester feelings of being very sad and in some cases sets off depression.

Rising above this and maintaining all that you do in the life of the family is a big ask for anyone.

Of course, here we are advising you how to look after your family during such a crisis and forgetting to mention that your mental and physical health takes a high priority. The question you ask is how can I maintain my own sanity and feel capable in managing the family during these demanding times?

The answer is not simple but it does draw on your own ability to be a little selfish and put yourself first.

Can you do any of the following?

A healthier and happier parent makes for a happier child.

• Take an occasional walk. Some people just use a shopping centre as a place to leisurely walk. Walking can be so invigorating. Of course, the greener the environment, the more uplifting is the spirit.

• Can you listen to music while working?

• Do you have an activity that you really love and feel better after completing? Is it possible to find space for this in your busy life?

• Can you read at night? Is this a relaxing time for you?

• How about a treat? Some mums just love a facial, bath, spa etc something which soothes the soul.

• How about stopping and having coffee and cake just on your own.

• Do you enjoy reading the newspaper, magazines etc?

• Exercising at home to video clips, music etc. gives you the exercise and the mental space. This is also great fun to do with your child.

• How about being in regular contact with special friends and assuring regular communication to feel good and have a laugh.

Focus on the positive in your life and keep those happy feelings alive in you.

The trick here is to set aside time for yourself. It does not have to be a lot of time. In fact, intermittent breaks are very relaxing and rewarding. It just needs to be built into your weekly routines. You need to recognise its value and appreciate that if you are more self-aware and mentally rested, you project a much calmer and reassuring image in the family. Also, you are much happier in yourself.

There is no one way of being and feeling relaxed. Valuing yourself enough to recreate in some way is the key. It is about recognising that your well being influences your children and those around you.

However, in saying that, I stress that your motivation in seeking a space should be more about nurturing yourself. If you come from that awareness you are more inclined to honour it. Also, your child grows to understand that nurturing yourself, the parent is a healthy way to live.

There is the requirement here of some self-discipline. In your busy world, discipline yourself to focus on you for a short time.

Remember, “if mamma is right the whole family is right!”

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. ”

— Martin Luther

Isolation and being at a distance - what does that mean?

Education is the key to explaining and teaching our children why so much in the way of rules and regulations have come into being in the last week. There is no escaping the importance of giving your child correct information that is age appropriate.

However, there is one important aspect which I believe is also important to highlight to your child. The reason of such rigid confinement is driven by love. It is about the humanity of our society wanting to keep us safe and to reduce illness. There is no inhumane thinking to let the disease run its course through society. What better motives can a society have than to look after each other.

If a child feels that the purpose behind such restrictions is drawn from a caring perspective, they are less inclined to feel the anxiety and stress of the isolation. Therefore, we need to teach our children the following points which will help them understand the motives for the government’s actions.

Our society wants us safe and healthy. The restrictions give us every opportunity to look after each other by keeping a distance.

New measures are put in place as the scientist look at the data and decide what extra restrictions will help us. Therefore, as the situation changes, it is all based on sound scientific information.

If we follow directions, we will speed up the healing process and limit the spread of the disease. Isn’t it wonderful that through our care, we can make such a difference to people’s health?

The restrictions need to change as the situation changes. Our parents look to the news to know what is next to do. They are not reading the news to feel more anxiety, but rather be responsible in responding. They are being responsible adults in learning how to act on the latest update.

Helping our children to understand the motives for the government’s actions during COVID-19.

The news can seem intense and a cause to worry. How lucky we are to have the availability of hearing our response to the virus. Are we getting better or do we need more restrictions? Let’s be a help.

I will be home for some unusual amount of time. I will need to think about how I can entertain myself. In that time, as a family we will work it out.

My parents may seem worried but often this is because they are conscious to do the right thing for society and our family.

Isn’t it wonderful that we are all pulling together as a team to look after each other. Everyone is in it together. No person is given an exemption not to care!

All these thoughts are attempting to teach our children that the restrictions are put in place to support our community’s health, look after the more vulnerable and reduce fatalities. Their motives are for the good of society and our world is a better place for the care.

Giving children a sense of hope is so necessary throughout this entire shifting process. Talk to them about positive results. Discuss how scientists are working on a vaccine.

Tell good will stories of how people are looking after the elderly. Let them know that when we pull together as a society the world is a better and a safer place.

When in years to come our children look back on what will prove to be a recorded stressful time for us all, they will have positive images of how we rose above it by goodwill and communal care.

“If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibilities on their shoulders.”

— Abigail Van Burren

Crazy creative ideas for long stays at home.

I have been giving this some thought and I want to tell you a story that may trigger some ideas. Many years ago, when I was a young teacher and very interested in developing the creative side to my class, my students and I all decided to turn the classroom into a pirate ship. We had been reading an adventure book on pirates which captured the children’s imagination. This was an extraordinary adventure. We took at least one week to build the ship and surrounds. We researched what an old ship would look like and found all sorts of pieces with which to put it together. Desks were removed from the classroom. The whole room was the ship. Much to the displeasure of the Principal, we were determined to keep this room alive and for the next few weeks we learnt all about the ship, how winds moved and influenced sailing. We learnt about tides, wrote poetry etc. It was an incredible adventure and a joy in all of us building a slow steady piece of art from which we had so much enjoyment and learning. Years later, I met up with students who still remembered the experience. This became a powerful learning tool.

Need some creative ideas during self isolation?

What I am saying here is, consider doing something quite innovative at home. Given the length of time you may be housebound, let your house become the creative space. How about setting up a room which can be converted into something creative where the children can experience play and learning?

Perhaps a game room?

Invite the children into brainstorming what that room could look like and using all sorts of scraps etc. Be generous enough to let them experiment.

Also consider painting a room. Under instruction, a child can assist.

The garden is an extraordinarily creative space. How about the children making an art piece for the garden? This could take some time, perhaps several days. The joy is in the process. How about painting the rocks, setting up a chicken coup etc?

Of course, cooking especially baking is a wonderful creative exercise for children. Consider it hospitality 101 at home.

Are there arts and crafts you can teach your child such as knitting, sewing? I hear macramé is back in fashion. Check out places like art and craft shops, junk yards, op shops, etc. that can offer cheap supplies for art and craft activities.

I have recently heard of a dad building a bike with his children using old parts.

Do you have old bikes, toys etc. that could be used for the creation of an art piece? Children love pulling apart old equipment.

If your home will be your total sanctuary for several weeks, set it up to accommodate movement and space for the children. Remove objects that will create stress when damaged. This is important for your sanity. Accept that for a few weeks the home will be a different space in which to live. It will be a space for active living.

Can you build a cubby house with your children, a go-carts etc? It is all about doing activities that require a focus, time and patience.

How about technology. Look online for some short courses that are enjoyable and have a learning aspect to them. Of course, minimise screen time.

How about making home videos, writing songs etc.

Children thrive on being creative and if you create a home environment that enables them to express themselves, they can entertain themselves in unique and intuitive ways over longer sustained periods.

“Creativity is contagious. Pass it on.”

— Albert Einstein

Let’s take away the fear and replace it with positive thinking.

At the moment we see and feel so much fear in the community. It is quite impossible that our children are exempt from feeling the overall anxiety in the air. Also, if your children are in supermarkets, they see the emptiness on shelves and see the anxiety on people’s faces as we all struggle to interpret the great loss and the feeling of deprivation. It is quite a grief for all to see such emptiness.

Let’s take away the fear and replace it with positive thinking.

Children will retain such information and even possibly think about those empty shelves later. It doesn’t take much for their fear to rise when they see the adults in their life, feeling the pain. So, what to do?

• Let’s simply be positive around our children. Tell them that all the precautions are for the good of society. How lucky we are to live in a society where we can arrange things to get better. We have many smart people in our world helping with this situation.

• Let them know how clever people in our Government have put in restrictions to stop the problem from spreading and that is a positive. This is not a time to be politically commenting on politicians. It is about teaching our children that we are all pulling together.

• Let them know that the sooner we stop big gatherings, the sooner we can return to them safely but we must be patient.

• Given that you may have more family time together be optimistic and plan doing more activities in the house. Is there some project you can work on together?

• Of course, games, puzzles, reading etc. are wonderful entertainers. How about setting up a drawing corner. Suggest they draw happy activities that they like to do.

• Sing together. This is a great fun way to work through the situation. How about working out a rap song that is all about washing your hands well. Perhaps you can write songs that are all about finding safe ways to be during the difficult times.

• This is a great time to revive the backyard. How often can you go out together and play?

• Talk about the wonderful skill of our professionals such as doctors, immunologists, etc. who are working on the major problem of coronavirus. Imagine that in a few months they will have controlled the spread!

• Talk about how wonderful it is that every country in the world is acting positively to stop the problem. This is global action at work.

• Avoid exposing your children to conversations that highlight the negative and focus on the anxiety. Incidental chats can be quite damaging.

• On the other hand, incidental chats about how you noticed people being helpful etc, provides ongoing reassurance.

• Talk about the people you know who show clever ways to cope during this time.

• Given that there is a prolonged wait where children will not be active through their sports activities etc, ensure that as a family you are actively engaged. Bike rides and scooters in the park, ball games and picnics in grassy spots could be fun to do as a family. The more active, the better mental health for the whole family.

• Cook together. This is a great time for children to indulge themselves in baking at home.

• Listen to music and dance together.  Music is such a positive influence on everyone feeling better.

• Watch some feel-good movies as a family. This is always a comforting time for children.

• Avoid having television or radio on that is talking about the coronavirus. Young children only pick up on the negativism and do not grasp the whole content of the conversation. They would certainly feel the negative tone of the conversation.

• The focus is on being busy and keeping positive. This will reduce the child’s worry that all is doom and gloom. For the child, an important factor is their parent’s feeling of being secure. This is not a time for uptight parents who focus on too much control.

The children will rely on your positivism to reassure them that in the end, all will be well.

What you want them to remember after it is over is not the fear but rather the great initiatives taken to solve the problem both at home and on the global stage. That is what should linger in their minds.

Being positive is not about denying the truth. It is, in fact, teaching your child that every situation can be seen from many angles. It is giving your child skills in managing anxiety for themselves.

Who knows by building more optimism in the family, it lingers longer and becomes a family trait?

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”

— William James

How to stop the worry with issues like coronavirus.

With social media and the general community talk that happens across all aspects of society, it is very difficult to control the information that your child receives around such matters as Coronavirus.

This is an occasion to teach our children about how to process difficult situations that can raise the anxiety very quickly, especially when a large part of society is involved.

Explaining Coronavirus to our children

Let’s look at how we can use this occasion to help our child manage anxiety that can be disproportionate at times.

•      Education is the key to everything. No matter how old your child, giving them clear information that is age appropriate is the first and best key to managing this situation. Education gets us all out of jail.

•      I appreciate that the information may not be what we want to hear but if you explain how the virus works, best ways to prevent it from spreading and discuss how various people in authority are managing it, this all helps to build up a picture of security for the child.

•      keep your child gently informed about it by having responsible family discussions from time to time. If your child is at school, it is important to debrief regularly to ensure that they are not hearing misleading information from others. This is all about controlling unnecessary fear that can escalate if not managed well. Always keep in mind that educating your child through this crisis makes them feel reassured and safe. After all the truth sets us free.

•      when you hear some positive feedback about how it is being managed, ensure that this is under discussion with your child. It is important to keep that element of hope and reassurance in the conversation especially around such an unsettling topic.

•      if your child is at school, keep well informed about how the school is discussing the virus. The information you give your child should not contradict what the school is saying to the children.

•      keep your child in safe hands. By that I mean regularly monitor who your child is associating with as they may be in a situation where the talk and anxiety is quite high.

•      take care to control the media information that the child is exposed to through television. Unfortunately, media will sensationalise situations and highlight the fear prevalent in society. Your child’s best way to manage this is by gradually giving them updated accurate information that suits their age group.

•      as a family not to talk loosely about what is a happening as the child is quick to pick up incidentals that feed into irrational fear. Allow them to ask questions and to feel that their questions are real and relevant. If they ask questions freely this helps them express underlying fears.

•      at this important time, modelling a calm steady parental approach that is honest with the child is the best. Be happy to keep them informed and offering reassurance when there are some positive outcomes to report.

By teaching them to approach such disturbing matters in a rational, emotionally mature way will reassure your child that the world is a controllable space and my parents strongly support my desire to know the truth.

Teaching children about themselves.

Growing up can be a difficult business for all of us. It is also about finding out who you are and where you have come from on so many levels.

Children begin their development of self-awareness from birth and in little ways they begin to slowly develop a sense of themselves through their interactions and relationships with family and other significant people in their life.

Most definitely school is a time for testing themselves against others and for building a sense of who they are in the eyes of others. Most important is their development of liking themselves and clearly identifying with their specific world.

Parents are critical in helping a child understand themselves. As a  parent, it is important to ensure that your child knows that you love them. Also giving them clear understandings of where they come from and their family story is critical, as they develop a secure place in their mind of who they are and where they fit into family and society.

Here are some suggestions to give guidance to your child as they begin to develop a sense of themselves in the world. Such personal development is ongoing and with increased emotional maturity, a child begins to understand themselves more deeply. What is most important is that they grow to like themselves.

Here are some suggestions to give guidance to your child as they begin to develop self awareness.

• Always be truthful about the past. Sometimes it can be hard to hear but a child has a right to understand from where they came and who were instrumental people in their life.

• Tell stories about the family. Perhaps there are funny situations that occurred when you were a child. Children love to store these stories in their memory and overtime they become special family memories.

• Talking about how you grew up and the differences in today’s world is also helpful.  Here you discuss the differences on a generational basis. It helps the child put themselves in a context.

• When subjects come up such as Anzac Day, do you have family stories to tell? Cultural traditions are important to talk about in families.

• When giving your child an affirming message, ensure that you talk more about the quality observed in your child.

“I was so impressed when you helped your brother cross the street. You have a generous streak in you”.

Here you are reminding them of their generosity which highlights a quality of the child.

You are also building up images of what you see in the child. This helps them develop an image of themselves. This is all about building up their identity.

• Write little notes to them from time to time highlighting noticeable qualities that you have observed.

• If you have precious family heirlooms use these objects as a chance to talk about family history. Old family photos are a great resource here.

As a parent, you have a privileged role in guiding your child into self awareness. There will come a time when the child takes ownership of who they are, but until then, be the gentle hand leading your child into a world where they feel valued, loved and confident. So much of this comes from your mature reassurance.

Teaching about cooperation

Some of us are better and more natural at this and others need to be taught. It is best to realise that teaching your child about cooperation is a safe way to ensure that they value it.

As children grow, they pass through various stages and of course self-centredness is one of them as a young child. It is not always natural that cooperation will automatically follow.

To teach about cooperation, we need to demonstrate in our own lives that we are cooperative people. In a family setting, there are many occasions when cooperating is required. The trick here is to ensure that your child recognises cooperation as an important tool for use in their life.

Schools work diligently to ensure that children see cooperation as a critical part of their daily work. Teachers will often place children in groups and expect that through cooperation and teamwork, the children will come to the best outcome. Whilst this is a skill expected and demanded of children at school, it sometimes needs plenty of reinforcement in the home. This can be the case when siblings are struggling to share, or if the eldest child takes control and demands their way.

Parents should use domestic occasions to ensure that cooperation is part of family life. This can be done through negotiation, or when families are doing activities together and discussion is had about how better they could work as a team. Playing formal games together is an excellent way to teach cooperation. I would use the word “cooperation” often in conversation. By your child negotiating with you point out that they are showing cooperation for a better collective outcome.

 “Well done! You both cooperated in that game and so through your combined efforts you won!”  

If you are watching a program together, where there is clear evidence that cooperation made a difference, talk about it.

Obvious areas where cooperation boldly stands out as a useful tool is sport. Without cooperation in teamwork, sport is not possible. Talk to your children about very skilled teams in netball and basketball that succeed due to their highly efficient teamwork and cooperative style.

Acknowledging a child when they demonstrate cooperation is also important. It is another time when the child recognises that there is value in cooperating.

Here are a few thoughts on focussing on cooperation in the family context.

• Let your child see that you use cooperation in your life as a means to be successful. Perhaps you are in a work situation where cooperation is used regularly.

• Read books with the child around cooperation and team work.

• When supporting the child in school-based activities, sports days etc, talk about how the child used cooperation to be successful. Often open days show you project work that the child has worked on in a group. These are great pieces for discussion with parents.

• In the car while driving, you can see how cooperation is all around. Talk about the crossing lady and how people cross the road using cooperation as a key to be safe and efficient.

• At the end of a school day it is worth just asking,

“Did you use cooperation today to make it a successful day?”

This article is about teaching cooperation to your child. You are raising their awareness that cooperation is part of their world and by using it, you become better rounded in your growth. The more you rely on it, the less self-centred you become and the more you realise that decision making and balanced intellectual growth comes from collective thinking and working together. It becomes a spontaneous way of life.

“Alone we are smart.
Together we are brilliant.”

— Steven Anderson.

Letting the village teach your child

Have we ever thought about from where our children actually do their learning? An interesting thought as we immediately consider the formal learning that schools provide for their students. It has often been said that parents are the first educators of the child and this makes sense when you consider the tight bond and relationship that starts up after birth.

What is sometimes understated is the amazing influence that the community and extended family have in teaching the child. We cannot calculate how this works, nor are we certain as to how much knowledge the child will gain from connecting to the wider village.

Children need to understand the collaborative nature of their learning and not just look to you, the parent, the keeper of all knowledge.

However, external sources play an important role in educating our children. Call it education on the run. A child listens and learns in various ways. Some people may impress them more than others and some people are just interesting to be around. Occasional words about sport, historical events, local issues etc., are all part of the snippets of information a child acquires in life. Also consider that they can learn socially and emotionally from observing how adults interact, what they say to each other and how they operate in public. Children will store such information and interpret it in their own way, when they experiment in dealing with other people. For example, how does your family interact with the elderly? If the child is fortunate to have extended family then they learn many valuable lessons from the wise, older groups.

However, the village concept has broken down in modern society and children cannot roam around idly picking up information. With this in mind, many of our children’s contacts are contrived and the child has less spontaneous opportunities to learn from different groups of people.

Teachers, in planning their curriculum, are always looking for opportunities to go out of the school on excursions, so that children can engage with the real world and learn new ways of being and doing. Parents alone cannot provide the rich breadth of learning that comes from broader society. Also, there are some social anxieties about letting other people into the life of the child. I am not even sure what they are actually fearful of? Are we fearful of others who come from different circles in life, or who present a different set of opinions? I aware that safety issues do carry a major concern in today’s world and this has caused some anxiety with parents.

However, extreme control denies the child their right to learn about difference and interpret for themselves how the world spins. They also need to understand the collaborative nature of their learning and not just look to you, the parent, the keeper of all knowledge.

Here are some practical suggestions to encourage the presence of the village in the life of the child.

• When you go shopping invite your child to negotiate with the shopkeeper and discuss products, value for money etc. Such dialogue is inviting your child to see how different aspects of commerce works.

• Take your child on excursions where they actually engage with people displaying real skills. A trip to the market is a good start.

• Visiting elderly is important. If not in your own family circle but through other agencies etc. A child learns so much from the aged.

• A child can learn so much about cultures if they are exposed to people from different backgrounds. Check out various cultural festivals and take your child to enjoy the food, music and people at these festivals.  Take your child to culturally specific shopping centres to smell and taste different foods, hear unfamiliar languages being spoken.

• Think about you neighbours. Are they young or old? Do they have interesting lives to talk to your children? I often think of some old couples from Italy who generously bake extra pastries etc. to give to the families in the street. These children have learnt a lot about old traditions and cultural variations by simply having local people around them that come from a different set of experiences.

• Encourage your children to engage with all variance of children in their class. Teach them that being exclusive in friendships is not as adventurous as meeting and learning about other children from different experiences. A school environment is an excellent set up to learn about the broad nature of the village.

• When your child has a play date at another family home, they are exposed to different family structures, behaviours, etc. This is another way of learning about how families work.

• Caution and responsible checking by parents is necessary, but it should not be so constrictive that a child is only exposed to things that are familiar. Difference is what makes the world so interesting.

• Show your children how you welcome into your life people and experiences that take you out of your comfort zones. Demonstrate how you learn surprisingly different experiences by being inclusive not exclusive.

• Draw to your child’s attention all the differences with their teachers as they all come from various aspects of life and demonstrate different styles of teaching.

• If you move house there is a whole new learning about the environment in which you now live. Explore it with your child.

• Are there interesting family members who have wonderful family stories of the past. Children need to learn lessons from the past to understand their present time.

The African proverb, “it takes a village to raise a child” is so needed in our modern society where self-sufficiency and independence are sought. Sadly, there are many examples of isolation and loneliness in our society built around striving for personal dreams. Perhaps we need to start thinking about collective dreams, collaborating with others and recognising that we grow and learn through cooperation and teamship. This recipe of respecting and valuing others’ opinions, enjoying the difference and constantly looking for and checking into the village in our life, becomes so nourishing for the soul.