Sometimes it’s best to just go with the flow

Sometimes it is not possible to be reactive to a situation that is unsettling or perhaps able to control things well. This is life. There are far too many unknowns on a day to day basis. Perhaps even minute to minute basis. At the moment with CoVid still present and appearing in different forms, we need to go with the flow a little more as it ebbs and changes around our community. The more we think it is under control, the more we will be frustrated as rules and health recommendations change.

Good modelling for the child is that they recognise in their family that sometimes we can ebb and flow when pressure builds up. Allowing some flexibility and breathing space in tricky situations allows time to sometimes solve the problem or at least reduce the tension. 

Teachers are very aware that sometimes it is simply best to change directions and just go with the flow. This is a saving grace when pressure builds in a classroom. Also, it is worth remembering to be a little fluid can prevent major storms. Avoiding a major storm means that there is less damage control and damaged relationships. Teachers will also measure success not by major achievements but by avoiding obstacles that can slow down and hinder their overall work. This can also be called wisdom.

 A few tips:

• Read the signs. If pressure is building can I just change directions and accept how things work out? Am I able to accept the fluid directions that can sometimes lead to a surprise outcome?

• Am I able to understand that life may not always give us exactly what we planned?

• Watch your expectations. If you set very high expectations it can be more difficult to slow down and just go with the flow.

• When you have decided to go with the flow, talk to your child as to why you think this is the better option. Demonstrating that you are flexible when necessary is a positive trait.

• Do you know successful people that are spontaneous in slowing down and redirecting actions when needed? Talk about their gifts and how this works for that person.

Sometimes fighting and seeking to fly away from the problem can lead to considerable stress. The more we try to control, the more tension and failure can easily be set up. Best to use a wise head and allow some flow into your life. It can also be a joy experimenting with a more fluid disposition.

It is better for children to develop discernment and learn when and how to go with the flow to suit the occasion. Building on such early wisdom can only strengthen their emotional maturity.

“f you can’t fight and you can’t flee-flow’”

— Robert Eliot

Laughter, a great stress buster

Do you know or remember people in your life as a child that were happy? Did they laugh a lot and were they smiling often? No surprise that people with a positive, happy disposition attract other people easily. In fact, laughing is absolutely contagious and can influence very quickly the culture of a group of people gathered.

In Japan I hear of laughing clubs where people come together regularly, simply to have a good hearty laugh. This is seen as stress-busting and releases all the positive endorphins into the bloodstream. It makes you feel good and less focussed on being around negative influences. People say that it is quite uplifting and the more they have, the more they want.

We all want to feel better and we certainly are easily drawn to positive people. Children are always hoping that when their teacher is allocated for the new year that they get the teacher who is fun and enjoys a good laugh. Learning can come with more ease when a child feels that they are with someone who does not judge but sees the best in them. Warm-hearted people are never seen as judgemental people.

Laughter is a fabulous stress buster!

Teachers also are very aware that they have higher productivity from the children when the classroom is operating on a happy, positive note.

By being in the bosom of a family that enjoys a good laugh, the child feels happy and the optimism carries over to so many areas of their life. Who wants to feel down when you can feel up more often.

Whist I appreciate that we cannot laugh all day, it is still important to build into your routine with children some positive happy times that simply bring joy to everyone. This gives them a positive feeling and keeps the blues at bay. It breeds optimism and hope.

 It is amazing how two people can see the same situation differently. One may see the glass half full, the other half empty.

 Give yourself permission to be a person that enjoys a good laugh every now and again.

 In working with children, it was sometimes possible to simply share a joke together. This was a wonderful icebreaker and set both child and Principal at ease.  Sometimes at the cost of forgetting the problem to be discussed!

 A few thoughts:

• If you are having a flat day try not to share too much of that with your child. If possible, come in on all the opportunities for a laugh together. This will lift your spirits as well.

• What about when the family shares a meal together. This is an excellent time to share a laugh. Ask the question:

‘Did anyone have something funny happen to them today?’

• Funny movies can bring much relaxation and humour to the family who shares it together.

• When your child tells you something funny that happened share in the laughter. Let your child know that you enjoy hearing the lighter side of their day.

Children are quite spontaneous with their humour. You can learn a lot from merely being around your child. Their joy and laughter is infectious. Above all, allow laugher into your life and it will flow onto your child very spontaneously.

“You don’t stop laughing because you grow older.
Your grow older because you stop laughing.”

— Maurice Chevalier

Early days back at school

The good news is that school is finally back in action. We need to understand that children will still be feeling slightly uneasy given the recent past and the current news and the discussions about vaccinations. Questions are still being asked about the suitability of the injection for different age groups, its effectiveness, new strains of the pandemic etc. Recently, I have heard parents concerned about their children talking about dying. I wonder if all the vulnerable scenarios that have occurred and background news of deaths from coronavirus have made some children anxious about the fragility of life.

Is your child nervous about returning to school post covid?

Here are some suggestions to keep the dialogue going with your child:

• If you listen to the news check in with your child that they understand details accurately and the information is suitable for their age.

• Talk about the positives such as the injection, scientists’ skills in combatting the virus, the wonderful support of people looking after the sick etc. There is definitely the element of hope in all that is being done to combat the virus. Children need to understand the wonderful endurance and science that leads to cures.

• Tap in with what the school is doing to educate the children in managing the virus at school. This is a great topic for all to discuss in the family. This is where home and school can support each other so well.

• There are some wonderful books on scientists who have developed cures in medicine over the years. This is a great time to read life-giving stories of scientists such as Madam Curie etc. These people are real heroes in finding cures and creating medicines that are so effective in reducing pain and suffering. The more our children think about the great stamina and intellect that such people showed, the more we highlight the determination of the human spirit.

• The routine of school will be an excellent way to bring normality and stability into the child’s life. Are there family disruptions that destabilise this routine?  If possible, keep life consistent and predictable throughout the school term. Ensure you inform your child well about any changes.

Remember that your child is living through the pandemic. Their longer-term memories will be very much about how we felt and how we managed ourselves. I am sure they will be looking back and reflecting on how the family operated throughout this time. Keep life a little simpler. Let school be a positive part of your life as it can be such a powerful influence at this time for your child. Schools are stable environments where reliable and trusting people deliver learning. It is a place of friendship and comfort for your child. Embrace it with them.

First days of school for your prep child

What an adventure this is for all the family. Here are some tips on making the early days a success for all.

• Your child will be full of excitement and anticipation. This can sometimes go pear-shaped and turn into distress unless handled well. Keep in mind that you need to be physically close to your child as you enter school. This is comforting for them.

• ·Talk about some happy things you notice such as the school play equipment, coloured seats etc. Here you are filling their thoughts that this is a good place to be. You certainly approve!

• Go in the class with your child and make sure they are comfortably seated. Quickly space will fill and it will become a noisy place of children, parents, extended families etc. all competing for a space near their child. Here you talk calmly and stay with them but leave quickly when told. Finish your conversation with something like:

“I’ll meet you over there. I love you.”

• Tell them exactly where you will meet them. In fact, go to the place that you will meet them after school. Honouring this by being on time is very important to the child.

• Show them the lunch you packed. Let them help and put in some treats. Afterall school should be a happy place with warm memories. Also, put in a smiley picture in the lunchbox. This is such a treat when they spot it at lunchtime.

• When they leave the classroom after school just let them talk and you be the great listener with much excitement in your voice about what your child has discovered in the day. Don’t be questioning too much, just let them talk.

• For several days keep the same routine up. The teachers will guide the parents as to how and when they want parents present in the room.

• Remember that school consumes much of their week now and this will require some family adjustment to cope with tears, tiredness, insecurities etc. that will appear in the first few weeks. It is quite common that when the shine comes off the new aspect of school, the child begins to reflect on what they are missing at home. They then begin to feel remorseful being away from family. This is especially the case when there are younger siblings at home.

• Encourage independence as the days progress. They can help you plan their clothes for the new school day, organise school bag and lunch. Take it slowly but indicate that growing independence is all part of being a real school student.

• Always be on time to collect your child and make certain that if there are new arrangements for the pickup, your child must have a full grasp of this information. Home time can be a busy and unsettling time for some children as they anxiously wait to be collected.

• If this is not your first child in prep, remember that for them it is still a unique time in their life and attention should be given to their special settling in time. Sometimes because the family are familiar with school, there can be a tendency to think that your latest prep will settle much faster. Surprisingly this may not be the case.

• Label all items of clothing, lunch boxes etc. This is important so that your child feels secure and there is less anxiety when these items are lost. Little disturbance such as misplaced water bottles can be unsettling situations for the child.

Everyone in the family loves their prep child. They are the centre of attention. They will succeed and prosper. Extended family such as grandparents all become intensely interested in the joy of their grandchild starting school. Sometimes these expectations can be overwhelming for the child especially if they are feeling sad and have moments of wanting to be home. Keep an eye on how they are feeling on all fronts. Remember we cannot set expectations for them other than they settle well and begin to enjoy the school scene.

Ultimately, we want the child to begin loving the journey of school on many fronts.

“This is the beginning of anything you want.”

— Author Unknown

First day jitters can last a little while.

Keep the start of the year on a positive note

What a busy time for all as you prepare to pack away the Summer fun holiday items and get ready for the regularity of school. We can all get a little overwhelmed and irritable about getting back to routine especially given the unease of last year.

Your child will be mentally getting ready for school challenges and of course, will have in mind the journey of 2020. My advice here is to not get caught up in making the start of the school year too perfect. Let the child gently ease into the school and discover along the way what their new environment will offer. There may be school rules and discussion about hygiene etc. Your child needs to understand what the new norm is in the school and they will begin to adopt to changes and shifts in how the school may be operating.

Here are some thoughts about how to keep the beginning of the school year upbeat and optimistic.

• Talk positively about the new year. Discuss as a family something that you are all looking forward to in the near future. This could be some event that wasn’t possible last year.

• Listen well to what the child tells you about school and if there are changes talk about how you applaud the school’s effort to keep everyone safe and healthy.

• Check in with your child to make sure anxious gossip about health matters regarding CO-VID 19 is accurate and that your child is not anxious about what they hear around the schoolyard.

• If your child is not in prep and you are not in the habit of dropping them off, I recommend being with them before school a few times. This gives them extra reassurance and that reassurance helps at this stage of the year. Remember that there are still some residual anxieties around from last year.

• If your child is a little anxious about full-time school and missing you, show them on a calendar the school holidays and that there will be plenty of occasions to just be family once again. 

• For some children being home for so long last year was a comfort and they will need time to adjust to a regular school schedule. A day working online at home does not equate to a full active day at school.

• Talk positively about their friendships and encourage your child to be friendly to all class members. Take an in inclusive approach to the matter of friends. Often at the beginning of the year it can be divide and conquer with regard to establishing friendships in the class. The less confident child may take more time to establish friends or perhaps lose confidence in re-establishing themselves with friends.

• A great tool at this stage of the year is to set up a chat box in your child’s room. If they have anything, they want to talk about they can include this in the box. At special times probably bedtime together you can talk about these issues.

• If you are busy working, school can slip easily from your thoughts. Check their bags each night for notes and of course emails from teachers. An occasional email to the teacher to check-in is also a good idea.

 Above all, keep the term optimistic and affirm your child’s steady progress into the life of the school in 2021.

“Optimism. It’s not just a mind-set. It is behaviour.”

— Larry Elder

Back to school and living the new norm

What is that new norm? It is about living with Covid 19 present around us. It is also having a raised awareness of how the condition can influence our lives. We are still reeling from the difficult year we had in 2020. Now our children return to school and try to start afresh with a new teacher, new friendships, challenges on the yard etc. We all remember the time when so suddenly school was shut and children went online at home to study. No surprises that we have some residual grief about the losses and isolation we all had to endure.

With the above in mind, I recommend that parents consider the following thoughts for a year that, for our children, will be a new norm. The schools may have changed some rules to adjust with dealing with the pandemic and children are aware that washing hands, keeping a distance etc. are all new rules we are living around.

 Consider:

• When planning for term one, go easy. The children may take extra time to adjust to the new school year and term one is all about meeting and greeting, setting boundaries and establishing oneself in the classroom.

• Check in regularly with your child.

“This year has started well. How are you finding the new start?”

• Be in touch with the teacher to ensure that your child is starting well. Best to do this early rather than finding out after too many unsettling times have occurred for the child.

• Setting up a routine is important. Invite your child to help with the plan for that routine. Establish where they will do their homework and talk about the balance of activities across the week. Given the break they had last year, a whole term of afterschool activities across a week could be quite a task.

• Ensure that bedtime is regular. Given the recent holidays and the different patterns of last year, establishing routine bedtime could be difficult for some time.

• Talk occasionally as a family about the unique journey everyone had in the family last year. There may be some grief and disappointments that your child needs to talk about. Perhaps some anxiety about being away from you more often this year. Also, talk about the positive side to the home schooling and to your time together. It was, after all a unique year, unlikely to ever be repeated.

• It is also important to talk generally about the state of the pandemic and how we are managing ourselves. There will be the new issue of the vaccination and there will be much talk about this matter both in the media and amongst the community. Let your child know that keeping abreast of current information that is accurate is important.

• Are there aspects of last year that you wish to take up in 2021? Many families are already bemoaning the fact that they will have less quality time with their children. Plan to keep up some good habits you may have developed from last year when in isolation.

 We all go into this new year with the hope that it will be better for everyone. As a family, we have grown in so many ways being together so intimately. We have initiated new ways to entertain ourselves and just be family.  May the new year, bring with it recently acquired wisdom from 2020 and the hope that we go forward well prepared for 2021 and the new norm.

“Children will listen to you after they feel listened too.”

— Jane Nelsen

Back to school post covid

That strange sense of finishing school

Children will be feeling that strange sense of leaving school, disengaging with friends and getting mentally ready for Christmas and the New Year.

It seems such a rush. After all they have only been at school for such a short recovery time. However, this has been 2020 and for all in the family, change and shifting normalities are the norm.

What to do about it:

• Accept it! You can’t change what has been an extraordinary year for everyone. It still comes with its challenges of wearing masks in shops etc. Embrace it with the children.

• Keep the family talk up about the year and allow the children to freely talk about their challenges across that time. Do this in a positive, reassuring way.

• Understand that behaviour may be different with your child and tolerate a little more when it comes to changed behaviour.

• Keep up the play and allow your child to enjoy free time. Remember that COVID-19 normal was so different and the child is adjusting to getting back to routine. Perhaps with some trepidation of that change.

• Letting go of friends for the year can cause some distress as in some cases. Children may not have had great experiences when they briefly returned to school. Remember that after a whole year of school, children are in and out of friendships and build solid relationships. For some this takes lots of reassurance and time.

• Christmas should be a wonderful time just to gather and offer nurture and support to the children and the whole family. It may be a time of reconnection with more people for the first time. A time to heal and a time to rest from anxious 2020.

• As the child thinks and plans for Christmas and the New Year, it is a time when you can just talk about the growth and changes you have seen in your child over the year. Perhaps you have noticed their growing patience with younger siblings or their growing interest in cooking. Talk about the skills that have acquired in those difficult times. Focus on the skills and little successes your child has made during the lockdown. Talk about how you may have learnt more about yourself.

Whist this whole year has had its ups and downs it is still a rich opportunity to highlight the initiatives and growth you have seen in your child. Make the most of it. Turn it into an amazing family journey. Oh what an adventure!

                  “A problem is a chance for you to do your best.”

Are we expecting too much?

Oh, what a year it has been for everyone! Here we are with a few weeks to go, Christmas in the air and school back in action.

Are we normal again? What is normal and is it important to be back in what we understood as normal? Who knows the answer to that question?

With all the variation of the year, changing expectations and the ever-present idea that we could be back in lockdown if everything goes pear-shaped, are we expecting too much?

Here are a few tips to make for a gentle exit to the year and a happy entry into the holiday period.

• Be gentle on yourself. If you notice that you are not operating as normal, so be it!  Now is a balancing act of getting everything done for Christmas and at the same time remaining calm.

• Keep simple and happy routines going for the children. They deserve to feel safe and be reassured of normality in their life. They need to feel a sense of familiarity in their world.

• Don’t set expectations too high with regard to learning. The children are getting back into what is a broken year for school and even teachers will find it hard to assess the performance of the children. You may find the school report quite modified to suit the situation. Remember learning has occurred this year in a whole different way.

• Keep home life stable and not too unsettled. Be predictable and reliable when promising children what lies ahead.

• Take care when disciplining poor behaviour. Check in to find out what is driving the problem. Children can still be unsettled in the school, with friends etc. There may be some matter affecting their ability to function well.

• Take care not too overcrowd the week. Let some form of normality operate in your family life. What can you take out of your week to simplify life for the family? Look positively to the Christmas period. It is an excellent time to heal from our unsettled year. Watch old joyous Christmas movies filled with warm feelings, goodwill and happiness.

• Reduce negative talk around the house. This can make children anxious.

Finally, keep up the listening with our children. They need to feel heard as they come to understand what they have been experiencing this year.

“Keep your face always towards the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.”

— Walt Whitman

As we anticipate the end of the year

So much change and difference has been occurring this year. The news each day about the pandemic, the staggered return to school, the anticipation of holidays, the finishing off a very short unsatisfying school year and so the list goes on. It is natural that our children will be cautious and double-checking with us about holidays plans, Christmas etc.

All of us are placing hope in the new year that it will be as normal as we have had in the past. Children also are quietly placing their own hope in the new year that they will not be anxious anymore about the unknown.

𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧:

• Talk about the positive news we here especially with regard to the incredible speed of the vaccine.

• Talk about the holidays and Christmas being a time to slow down, enjoy the summer spirit and share happy times together. Talk about the plans that you are putting in place for January.

• There are some good news stories appearing in the paper. Talk about the great examples of courage and generosity that are present in our society.

• Invite your child to be part of the holiday plans. This is also a time to talk about what is possible as a family.

• What kind of Christmas are you planning? This is a great time to inject happy, positive feelings around the family. Consider how you will celebrate the festive season and include your child in the planning. The more they engage in activities that are affirming and joyous the more reassurance they gain about the future. We are all talking about the new norm we will live in post the pandemic. Let us at least try to put back some happy normality such as the celebration of Christmas, Summer and holidays. We are fortunate to have this on our doorstep.

• There will soon be the end of the year school functions and it is so important that the children farewell their class in the normal way. Teachers will of course modify the celebrations to suit the occasion but it is a chance to talk about the year and the challenges it has presented. It will be a chance for all school participants to farewell the grief that all felt with such a compromised school this year.

• Try to attend farewell school functions if included as it provides some security and a sense of normality for the child. It also is a vehicle to talk about the modified school year and the loss the child has felt with friendships etc.

• Even though as family lockdown presented all sorts of challenges and opportunities school holidays are all about rest and recovery. Giving your child what would be a normal family Christmas and holiday will be comforting and reassuring after such a tumultuous year. They will love that sense of normality in their life.

Finally, whilst I understand that we’re all talking about what has happened this year, try to reduce the anxious conversation around your child and talk about the hope of Christmas and the New Year. Such talk is healthy for everyone in the family.

Schools are all about problem solving

Do you like problem-solving?  Schools are all about problem-solving. Children are invited to pose questions and go through a process of exploring optional ways of learning about the matter. You could say that it is quite open-ended and some people who are more closed in the way they work feel that inviting questions is not the best way to learn. Whatever your thoughts, education is all about making inquiries and investigating and probing into issues. We are encouraging our children to be problem solvers, to accept that there are various ways to look at a problem and various ways to explore options.

As parents, this is an opportunity to support the child’s learning by being someone who doesn’t put all the answers in front of the child. Your role is to explore questions with your child. Asking questions and together reflecting on different ways to look at a problem. You have many opportunities as a parent to share in this method of teaching children.

Consider:

Schools, problem solving in The Primary Years

• When you are together in the car this is a great time to explore ideas together perhaps about what you see outside.

• Read some content of the newspaper to your child. Discuss some topic that lends itself to being seen from many angles.

• Plan to have a weekly family discussion on some controversial matter. Remember to give your child ample opportunity to respond with ideas. If you watch some news together there is plenty of content there for discussion and general inquiry.

• Tune into some of the work the child is doing at school that may involve a project on some topic. Notice how there are many questions being posed about that topic. Here you can join in with some ideas of your own.

• In engaging with your child through an inquiry approach to ensure that you value their opinions and ask about their sources of information. After all, questioning leads to quite a lot of researching.

• When you see the research that your child is doing on a set topic, tune in with some question’s about the nature of the research and how it fits into the whole topic.

• With younger children, you can still explore with them many of the questions that they ask on a regular basis. They love the question…

“Why?”

This is a chance to explore different answers together.

These thoughts are simply to help parents tune into the nature of the inquiry approach which is all about showing an investigative attitude to all areas of learning. The more we question, the more we explore optional ways of looking at situations and problems.

“Questions are the engines of intellect. The cerebral machines which convert energy to motion, to curiosity, to controlled inquiry.”

— David Hackett Fischer

Schools are happy places for our children

Always keep in mind that schools are happy places for our children. They are filled with the excitedness of children and are bustling environments where teachers work hard to provide a climate that is safe and encourages learning in a positive environment.

Now that sounded simply like a motherhood statement or something that you read in school policies.

The truth is that children should be attending school in a happy state. It is impossible for a child to learn effectively if they are not feeling safe and begin to develop anxieties around how they are positioned in the classroom and on the school yard. This is not to suggest that the school environment is a perfect space all the time. In fact, many of the challenges affecting happiness need addressment through school situations.

Overall, the child should feel happy to attend the school each day. This gives them the stamina and self-assurance that they can cope with problems that arise. Consider the amount of time across a week, a term, a year where the child will be at school. Adults struggle to go to work when they begin to lose their joy for working in that space. Resentment builds up and sometimes people become chronically depressed when forced to attend a workplace in which they are unhappy.

So too, a child will feel unsettled and begin to lose interest in school, become more truant and they may become defiant in class. Remember the old flight and fight adage.

In order to keep up the child’s feeling of being happy at school it is crucial to tap in regularly to see that school is a happy place in which to be. This does not mean that every moment is a joy but that generally speaking the child is feeling happy to be there.

Consider:

• Having a family chat about school once a week.

• Noticing any changes such as increased tummy aches or other reasons created for not attending school. Sadly, the more absences that occur, the greater difficulty for a child to return to school.

• Are they reluctant to get ready in the morning? Have they lost their buzz to get up and get dressed?

• Are they eating their lunches and generally are they maintaining a healthy appetite?Do they talk about school matters or have you noticed a change in the way they talk about school?

• An easy check in is to ask weekly, on a scale of one to ten how was school this week?

• Have you noticed a drop in their work or a change in general school behaviour?

 Once changed patterns are noticed, tap into your teacher to see if they have depicted changes.

Keep the talk up with your child and remember that whilst every day will not be a ten out ten, they still need to be contented and happy with their day.

If changes have occurred talk gently and listen effectively to their concerns. Then together negotiate ways forward. A parent’s objective is to keep the “happy balance” heading in an upward trend.

“One of the greatest things in life I think is to have a happy childhood.”

— Agatha Christie

Providing balance to your child’s life.

We all need balance in our life. The last few months have challenged families in how they provide such balance and how they keep the overall momentum and spirit of the family going.

Balance is all about ensuring that variation and some real difference comes into play. Having more of the same can be restrictive, tedious and does not give the child opportunities to think in alternative ways. It hinders the ability to process different information and to succeed through various channels. When you spent those long hours working with children on the computer during the home-schooling period, did you not crave letting loose and freeing up time to do other more relaxing activities?

Classrooms are all about providing a day’s activities that contain balanced activities with recreation, spare time, alternative activities etc. The variance stimulates a child to perform better. It’s like pressing a refresher button every so often.  It is all about encouraging children to change direction and process their thoughts differently. This is excellent for stretching the brain in different directions. It enables children to look forward to activities in which they know they can succeed.

The good news is that many of the activities we enjoyed before coronavirus lockdown have returned and so now, we can plan our week confident that we can provide some balance for the week.

Consider:

• Can the children return to sport?

• Are there new sports or outdoor activities they can join?

• Given the quality time you had together in lockdown such as riding bikes etc, can this still be part of your regime?

• Have you mapped out time for homework, time for family activities? Time for personal space etc?

• Are you able to hang onto some of those great family habits of sharing time together now that we are back to post covid normal?

Your child will be adjusting to school, home, reengaging with friends, etc. Keep an eye on the balance and as a family discuss what the week should look like for all family members.

We do not live in a perfect world and families strive to be the best but this will come with twists and turns. Those twists and turns are all about finding some balance especially when times get tough and a new alignment is needed to keep the family well orientated. Such alignment will need frequent upgrades every so often.

 Families are after all a work in constant progress.

“Restore balance. Most children have technology, school and extracurricular activities covered.
It’s time to add
A pinch of adventure
A sprinkle of sunshine
and a big handle of outdoor play.”

— Penny Whitehouse

SO, WE ARE ALL BACK IN ACTION!

How does it feel to be back into weekly routine with the children at school? Much relief I imagine as well as mixed feelings of having less connection to the children throughout the whole day. These times are curious indeed and we will all have various feelings about what is happening, is about to change again and what is safe and constant in our life. As we approach the normal anxiety that comes with Christmas preparations, we are still dealing with settling the children back into school for a few weeks and planning those summer holidays hopefully with more choice than we have at the moment.

No surprises that the family will be a little unsettled as everyone fits back into a routine, wears masks, shops within 25 Kms etc.

Post Covid 19 - and our new routines.

Unusual times calls for some unusual actions to get everyone through the darkest hours. Here are some thoughts to help ease the stress.

• Be kind to yourself, if routine isn’t as you knew it, so be it for the remainder of the year.

• Allow the children to be moody and unsettled as they are still finding their balance back at school and in the home.

• Check in with your child to ensure that they understand what is happening and that they are not being guided by misinformation which can happen through schoolyard gossip.

• Reassure your child that we are getting to the end of the year and with this comes hope for the New Year. We need to build in that component of hope as we work to simply getting better.

• Share family time as with the return of school this will mean less time together and to date, you have had an amazing quality time together.

• Keep up with family activities as these have probably increased over the past few months and they have been a great healing time together. Reduced family time will be a loss for the children.

• Expectations at school will be different and so it is still important to tune into what is being asked of your child. This tells them that your interest in school is still alive.

• Keep family conversations going about how everyone is settling back into routine. The child will feel some loss and gain in all sorts of ways. It is best to talk about these feelings and together work through those shifting emotions.

With a few weeks of the school year left and with the approach of Christmas I have three thoughts on my mind:

Slow down

          laugh together

                    share conversations about this year’s journey.

Don’t forget: You the career need nurture.

As we enter into our new norm, post coronavirus, how are you a parent and carer coping? There will be change all around us. Some we cannot control and other aspects we may have some control over. Think about how you are entering this new norm and ensure that it includes your wellbeing. The carer needs to be cared for.

Sometimes as a parent we go on overdrive to ensure that our children have all their needs met and this overdrive can make us quite irritable and out of sorts. Notice the signs in yourself as you get back to normal routines. Are you getting tired now that the situation has changed? Are you also getting enough sleep and personal space to ensure that you are as balanced as possible in how you manage your children?

In working with children and in meeting regularly with parents, it became very clear that a tired parent was not a good listener to their children and sometimes had feelings of being quite inadequate in their parenting. This often had a spiralling down effect and the child quickly picked up on the vulnerable state of the parent. This then fuelled anxiety in the child which sometimes manifested in very poor behaviour.

The more vulnerable and less satisfied the parent, the greater propensity for unsettled behaviour in the child.

Don’t forget. You matter too.

I hear you say that there is the plight of the parent.

Consider the following tips on keeping your own life in check which also includes a good dose of happiness.

• In each day where does, the “you” time fit in? This could only be ten minutes but some personal time makes us all feel mentally rested.

• Look at the balance of the week with all the timetable and activities set. Can anything change to make your life easier? Remember this may mean sacrificing some aspect of your child’s planned week. However, it is necessary to include your needs in the weeks.

• It is important to let your child see how you value some personal time. Have this conversation with them:

“Today I will go to bed earlier as I need some time just to read my book. Please help with the clean up after dinner.”

• Do you connect well with friends? Conversations between friends especially those in the same situation can remind you that you are all in a busy time of your life. Ensure that these are positive chats and not just ones to bring you down. Avoid the negative talk as it can be quite destructive.

• Bring laughter into your life often. I know one woman that watches 30 minutes of the comedy show a day just to have a laugh and feel better. When you need to address issues with your child, consider how you feel, try to talk about matters when you are less tired and reactive.

• Take a walk often. Even a short one around the neighbourhood. Fresh air lifts the spirit and creates some personal space.

• Do you have a passion? It could be reading, jogging, the gym etc. Ensure that this is a regular part of your week and try not to reduce this precious time because of busy circumstances. Ensure you let the children know how important this time is to you.

• Ensure that around the house are important objects that make you feel better. Photos are great. Flowers enlighten the day, cups of tea are easily accessible.  Keep your running gear close at hand. It is all about ensuring the home also is your comfort station and not a working family space.

• Catching up with friends for short intervals can also lift the spirits. It is amazing how short intervals of feeling better can generally improve your mood.

• Leave messages around the house to remind you about things that are important to you. On the fridge mention your gym days. In the bedroom have your book etc. near the bed. Keep your runners near the door.

• Giving yourself visual images of what is important to you, lift the spirit and raise the importance of the activity in the life of the family.

These thoughts are about ensuring that you matter. The more you raise the family’s awareness of the importance of having your special time, the more the family understands that care is for everyone and everyone feeds off each other’s care.

“Be there for others but never leave yourself behind.”

— Dodinsky

Ten general thoughts about school life

1.    Make it inclusive. Ensure school is seen as an important factor in your family. It should not sit as an added extra but be seen as an integral part of family life across the year. Talk often about school as a family. Discuss the activities and events that are present in the life of the school.

2.    If you become more actively engaged with school activities you will have more understanding of the internal structure of the school. This brings home and school much closer together. It puts your child at ease. They are proud to have the presence of their parents in their school environment.

3.     Invite your child to read newsletters to you and to talk about forthcoming events.

4.    Ensure you have a presence in the school. Playgrounds are great places to chat with other families and talk about the events at school.

5.    Consider the number of hours per day a child spends at school. This cannot be dismissed at the end of the day if the child is keen to talk about school. Let it all flow.

6.    Ask yourself what can I learn as apparent from the school? If you keep your focus on what is happening you will be amazed at the learning you gain.

7.    As your child connects to the school, you will also discover new networks of parents who often become great friends over the years. Afterall you are sharing a journey together with these families.

8.    School life for your child may bring back nostalgic memories of your time at school both positive and negative. Take care to keep in mind that this is your child’s journey in a different era and will present different challenges and opportunities that should not be clouded by your own memories.

9.    Children will come home influenced by so many varied opinions and attitudes. They will challenge us as we may hear them expressing views that are contradictory to our own. A school must be open to differences and will educate inviting your child to consider optional points of view. We need to be ready for this. It may challenge us to discuss other values, beliefs etc. with our child.

10.  Make your home a space where the influences of school are present. For example, display children’s work on fridges, leave school newsletters around the home, ensure the child has a comfortable space to do homework etc. Leave school notes visible to read for all. School is a definite way of life and the more the child can move comfortably between home and school, the easier the process for all.

Ten thoughts about school life

Thirteen myths about schools

1. Schools are very closed in the way they operate

No! When your child starts school, the environment needs to be welcoming, friendly and inclusive. Schools recognise that without the support and encouragement of parents their work will not be effective. Schools understand that for a child to feel connected and in a safe learning environment they need to be working in partnership with the parents. Children become very unsettled if there is no harmony between school and home.

2. Schools all work in the same way with the learning process

No! It is true that schools are required to follow the National Curriculum. However, how they interpret the curriculum and how they work in teams planning can be quite different from school to school. Also, there may be set policies in schools on how certain curriculum areas are taught. Generally, most schools try to be consistent in how they teach and much professional development goes into their work and planning techniques. If you need clarification, ask the school about what pedagogy they use and how they follow the curriculum. Of course, schools will offer curriculum nights for you to learn about what happens in the classroom. These are highly valuable to attend

Myths v’s Facts about Schools

3. Teachers only invite parents into the classroom when necessary

Really? Parents are generally invited into the classroom on most occasions. They sometimes set up classes for parents to visit. However, you should feel welcome to sit into a class at any time.

4. Only certain parents are chosen to be part of excursions

This is not the case. Teachers recognise the importance of being inclusive and try to balance the presence of parents on excursions etc. You play such an important role in the life of the child and should be included when you feel you want to learn more about the process of learning for your child.

5. Changing schools is damaging for your child’s emotional development.

This is not generally the case. However, when you need to change schools for whatever reason ensure that your child gets involved in meeting the teachers and being active in learning about the school. Of course, there is some adjustment time in meeting new friends, feeling welcomed and adjusting to a new teacher and school culture. However, in my experience if it is handled well by the new school and family the child grows emotionally and recognises their capacity to form new friends in a new setting. This teaches resilience and reinforces to the child that they can be flexible.

6. The child’s teacher for the year is solely responsible for their learning.  

This is definitely not the case. Children learn in different ways and from different people and experiences.

The parent is actually the first educator followed by all the influences of the school, various specialist teachers and life activities. No one aspect is responsible for their growth intellectually, emotionally, socially and physically.

7. If my child does not like the teachers, it is a wasted school year.

As the above myth says learning happens in many forms. When the relationship with the teacher is a not a strong one, the child is still capable of learning and if they learn to value the qualities of the teacher, the child grows in working with different types of people. This is such a valuable skill to work and appreciate differences in teachers.

8.  It is the school’s responsibility to ensure my child has friends.

This is not the case. It is true that teachers will work on social skills and negotiate with children about matters where poor behaviour interrupts their friendships. Ultimately, it is the child who must work though the emotional journey of finding and establishing friends. The school will and can deal with inappropriate behaviour linked to breakdowns in friendships but ultimately through trial and error, success and failure, a child learns to negotiate their way through the social web of relationship with other children.

9.  If a child is finding school difficult it is the total responsibility of the school to fix the problem.

This is not the case. It certainly is the responsibility of the school to work with the child in improving their learning. Some schools offer more in this area with remedial support. Each school is different in how this issue is handled. However, encouragement from the parents, working in collaboration with the school and support at home are all necessary for the child to feel that learning is a success for them. It is best to keep in frequent touch with the teacher to learn how best your child learns and what support you can offer at home. This is a delicate area and needs both school and home working together in trust to ensure that the child’s self-esteem is intact.

10. When a school rings the parent, it is always bad news.

This is definitely not the case. Schools often ring parents about a range of matters and sometimes the teachers love to talk to the parent about how the child has improved. It is common practice for Principals to be in contact with parents for many reasons and to discuss matters that are not peculiar to their child.

I would keep a journal of parents I contacted to ensure that the school was keeping in touch with families.

Of course, calls may come to discuss school issues but they are done with understanding and genuine support for the child. They believe the more communication,the better for the child

11. If my child repeats a class they will suffer socially and the child will feel unsuccessful.

This is a delicate issue and is very much about the specific needs of the child. In my experience, children who repeat have shown considerable improvement in their capacity to learn and engage socially with their classmates. They start to gain success and feel that they are a capable learner. This is a topic very debatable in educational circles, I simply operate out of my own experiences here as an educator and school Principal of twenty-nine years.  I also appreciate that many would disagree with me in this matter. Of course, repeating a child requires careful planning and collaboration between the parents, the child and school.

12. A child in a composite class is disadvantaged in learning compared to straight class.

This is definitely not true. The quality of a child’s learning rests heavily with the skill of the teaching. A composite environment provides a broad climate of learning for the child. What happens in the classroom is the key to the learning and not the age distribution of the children. I have seen this over many years and test results prove the case.

13. There are some schools that have no bullying at all.

Bullying occurs in all schools. What is the key component to managing bullying is how the school handles situations and what programs they have in place to educate children on the issue?  Some schools have a major focus in their social and emotional learning and teachers are given considerable professional learning on how to teach children about managing bullying.

Bullying occurs as children are at various stages of emotional growth and some need assistance to understand how to socially engage with each other. Parents should monitor how their child is coping with this issue and feel comfortable to approach the school as soon as there is evidence of your child feeling unsafe. Read the schools’ anti bullying policies to gauge how they manage the issue.

Question time for our children in unsettling times

At the moment there are many varied and unsettling discussions going around with regard to lockdowns, time in isolation, estimated time to come out of lockdowns etc. This can be a tricky and confusing time for children who quickly interpret your irritations and anxieties so easily seen on your face and heard in your words.

Given everyone’s frustration and feelings of disappointment with prolonged lockdowns and delayed start to school, it is not surprising that your child has many questions to ask and deserves some answers to reduce their fears and to give them some clarity and hope for the future.

Consider simply asking them:

Living in Covid times, your child has many questions to ask and deserves some answers to reduce their fears.

• Do you have any questions about what is going on at the moment?

• Are you starting to feel uncertain about what you have heard?

• Are you understanding what is happening at the moment?

• Would you like me to explain what the information tells us each day?

• Are you feeling uncertain about school matters?

• Is some news that you hear causing you to be upset?

• What do you understand at the moment about the progress of the government with lockdowns etc.?

• Are there any ideas you may have to feel better about this situation?

• What makes you feel better when you get sad about this pandemic?

We always need to find hope. Let’s talk about the hopeful aspects of the situation such as the development of the vaccine?

Language appropriate responses are necessary given the age of the child. Keep sentences simple and clear when talking to your child. Check-in with them that they understood.

Consider the following reflections that I believe are worth thinking about under the current situation.

• Your child will read the signs from your responses both physically and emotionally. They will notice what you have to say and will easily read in the nervousness you may display over matters.

• Ensure newspapers that are around the house are suitable for the child to read, often they start with very disturbing headers that can be unsettling.

• Keep an eye on the television news items that your child is watching. Limit these to just one piece of information. Too much overload on depressing news can be overwhelming.

Sometimes your child will not talk about what is on their mind. Staying quiet is a strategy to hide their feelings. This is why talking to them about the pandemic, including them in conversations is important for their mental health.

I appreciate that finding the positive in today’s situations is difficult but look deep and talk about the great gains in vaccine development, the acts of charity performed by so many and the great gifts of gratitude we owe the health care workers.

The more we look to finding the positives, the greater the chance the child will cope with the negatives so present around them.  Given the extended nature of the lockdown, there is even more purpose in keeping the best dialogue going with your child. After all, in their own childish way they are living through this pandemic as well.

On the very important subject of learning to read while at home.

There is no escaping the fact that there is one particular age group of students that will feel the disadvantage of not being in a school environment for a while. That age group are the children starting school and are in their foundational years. This is especially the first two to three years of school.

Learning to read in ISO

Here I refer particularly to the disadvantage of not learning reading in a school setting. The child, at those early ages, is like a sponge and the total stimulus provided by the classroom and teacher sets them off on an amazing discovery of reading. It is like a light bulb goes off in their brain and suddenly you see a massive acceleration in learning. There is no question that reading is the key to so much learning that follows in those early years.

Parents cannot be providing the stimulus that is on offer in a   classroom. Therefore, don’t feel guilty that you are in any way responsible for what your young child is missing out on.

However, given the nature of our limited year with the pandemic, we make the best of what we have and help the child in the most effective way possible. Keep in mind that this is a level playing field for all children who should be happily ensconced in school across the five days. Education will need to make adjustments to their teaching and learning to compensate for the deficit of learning in those early years.

Here are some suggestions to give your child opportunities to get on the gravy train of reading. But beware! Make it an enjoyable experience and one where your child feels successful and not anxious that they are displeasing you. Such a reaction will shut down the child when it comes to learning. Throughout the process, it should be seen as an adventure to discover words etc.

• Read daily to your child. Choose suitable books that are age-appropriate.

• Allow your child to mimic words. At some point, they may learn the story off by heart. Let them tell the story and this is also a legitimate way to learn to read.

• Label their bedroom and kitchen etc. with simple words depicting the room. For example, write words like bed, fridge, seat etc. Don’t make this too complicated.

• Recite poetry and sing songs regularly. The rhythm and pattern of simple poems and songs helps the reading process.

• Point our words in the street such as Stop and GO.

• Write simple sentences for your child and read them out together. Sometimes putting words on cardboard can be a fun word game.

• When they draw a picture together you can write what it is under the image. Ensure all attempts at writing are visibly displayed around the house.

• Obtain audiobooks where the child can follow the prompts and sound to turn pages. These can be found in libraries and online.

• If the child attempts to read something that is difficult, simply guide them and praise their efforts at having a go.

• Simple words that sound out with phonetics can be introduced as well. Remember nothing is a test or trial. It is all about experimenting with words and being positive.

Learning to read is complex but also needs your simple input with providing the stimulus around the house. Leave plenty of paper and pencils around as experimentation with writing words is a legitimate way of learning to read. You role is not to correct their writing but talk about it and copy below the correct version.

Keep the conversation going with children. Allow them to talk a lot and experiment with new words. Reading, writing and speaking are strongly linked together in the learning process. One feeds off the other.

There are many online reading programs to be used. Take care not to spend too much time on them as they can defeat the purpose if they totally consume the child. Remember, literacy is all around us and children can learn to read with so much stimulus that you offer on a daily basis.

“We should teach our children to dream with their eyes open.”

— Harry Edwards

So, let’s talk about mental health.

We are talking quite a lot about the mental health of our children especially during these difficult times living through the pandemic. There is no doubt that anxiety can be present all around us in varying ways. The news, negative discussion amongst family members, statistics every day and so the list goes on to suggest that mounting anxiety can occur.

Your child will, of course, be processing all the news they hear. They will also read the signs you give them through your concerns and let us not forget the very visible presence of wearing masks each day. The mere fact that they are working from home and online presents its own worries and is another example of how isolating it is as a way of life.

We cannot dismiss the above,  but we can put in place certain behaviours and actions that help a child cope during these difficult times. It is all about finding strong coping skills during these difficult times.

Consider the following which I believe may have some ideas for you to consider in reducing some anxiety for your child.

We are talking quite a lot about the mental health of our children especially during these difficult times living through the pandemic.

• Be happy. Show them some optimistic news such as the numbers reducing. A smile makes such a difference. It is a great feel-good tool.

• Talk about the wonders of modern science and how a vaccine will be developed that will combat the pandemic.

• Keep busy. Idol time has a way of inflating anxiety.

• Set up a schedule where you all are aware of how the day will be spent. Ensure that it is variable and the child has to focus on different directions throughout the day.  The more you shift and change thinking, the more rethinking is necessary for the child.

• Put into it elements of surprise to keep them guessing.

• Play a lot and laugh a lot. There is so much humour to be found with and around children.

• Watch humorous movies that bring the family together and show the funny side of life. This, of course, includes reducing individual time with intense computer games.

• Is there a significant family project that you can work on? For example, can they paint their bedroom with assistance? Are they able to make a go-cart? Projects that take time and effort can be so much fun. They are impressive because of their scale.

• Read more stories to your child. Is there a family time when everyone reads together?

• I have mentioned before the value of playing together. Here I add the value of being physical together. This could be playing football, soccer etc. Contact games are a wonderful way to disconnect from problems. The physical exercise releases all the necessary chemicals to genuinely feel better.

• Playing music that you can share together and dance for some families can be a great release.

The suggestions are just a few ideas. Think about what makes your family happy and focus on building that happiness up on a regular basis.

“What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, more unashamed conversation.”

— Glenn Close

Never underestimate the values of friends for your children.

We all need friendship. There is something about developing friendships that goes well into our DNA. Children spend much of their early childhood and of course later working on developing friendship. There is much to learn as they go through the stages of discovering what they want and do not want from a friendship. They will go through the various stages of losing friends, being disappointed by them, regrouping etc. All of these experiences are natural and are necessary for a child to become discerning with others they choose to befriend.

Whatever stage they are in, friendship remains a high priority for the following reasons.

• It gives them a sense of who they think they are. They recognise in friends something of themselves as they talk about common interests etc.

• Friendship can be a special secret space where you talk to someone who can identify with your feelings.

• Friendship is a comforter. It gives you reassurance that you are connected to other people in a special way.

• Choosing your friends gives you a deeper sense of what you value and there is joy in talking with others who understand.

• Without developing friendships there can be a sense of isolation and personal loneliness. We need to share and find common grounds with those we like and enjoy being around.

All these thoughts remind us that in our isolation days children need to be in frequent contact with their friends. They just need to feel that warm sense of connection and hope that it is still alive in their relationship.

Keep your child talking to their friends. Encourage them to have regular contact through the internet, the phone etc. The more they talk to each other the happier they will be that friendship is still a strong part of their life. It hasn’t gone away.

Take care to be the encourager and not the enforcer of strict rules regarding the number of calls.  Talk to your child about their friends and enjoy the stories they tell you about them. Your interest in this matter gives them the reassurance they need that their friendships are valuable.

We are in extraordinary times and this means we need extraordinary approaches to maintain a healthy mindset. If you are finding yourself operating a little differently, with less focus on routine etc. this is not necessarily a bad thing. The new norm is the dawn of new ways of being for all the family. Embrace it!

“Good friends are hard to find,
Harder to leave and impossible to forget.”

— G Randolf