We appreciate that we are important and that we hold great responsibility and balance of power in taking care of our child. I wonder how often we think about the value we give to our child.
Dr Seuss said “To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world.”
Read MoreI have learnt some precious realities in watching mums raise a family, live with it and through it, suffer all the hardships, carry the weak moments and rise above the troubled spots. Now that’s being a mum!
Read MoreIn all my time as a teacher and Principal, I always felt that classrooms filled with humour were happier and more enlivened spaces in which children could work and learn. ‘ Always find a reason to laugh. It may not add years to your life but will surely add life to your years.’ Anon.
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Fear. We have lived in a confined spaces for such a long time and have been listening with intent to all the changes, case loads of the pandemic and death consequences. It is now time to throw it all out. Too much focus on the negative is soul destroying. Time to throw it all out and focus on the things to look forward too. Pack up all the negative thoughts and strategically throw it out. Watch it fall into an abyss and walk away.
Did you arrange your house to suit the lockdown situation? Perhaps you rearranged furniture to accommodate the children’s learning. Consider your house arrangements. Maybe its time to brighten it up with a sense of Spring and readiness for simply getting on with life. How about some flowers each week to brighten the house and put in a sense of hope? Let’s see the house as a place to feel good and a sign of real change.
Are there old newspapers, articles etc. in the house that simply talk about the state of the pandemic? Discard immediately so that children will not casually read negative thoughts about the pandemic. Watch the current news as well as it can drag us back into reflecting on what we have just been through. Be selective about what the children watch.
When talking about the pandemic, talk positively about the high vaccine numbers and the great achievements we have made in managing the situation and developing a vaccine so quickly. Children need to feel reassured that their world is a hopeful place.
Did you develop any habits during lockdown that now need to be discarded? For example, I heard about afternoon drinks to ease the long days. Also how about eating habits that developed to cope with the depressing situation. Now is the time to throw out all that artificially satisfied you during lockdown. They were short term fixers that ultimately do not satisfy. Out they go!
Do you notice how you wore a certain uniform in lockdown? The same clothes, no variation and how much easier was it to look after yourself. Out the door goes that lack of personal care. Bring out the colour and variation in the wardrobe and don’t forget some glitter. It’s time to invigorate your true self.
Over lockdown our phone ran hot. We connected to people in order to keep mentally active and engaged with people. Now its time to reduce phone bills and actually visit people. Being physically present around people demands a lot more of us than a phone call in pyjamas at ten o’clock in the morning.
Now is the time to have a good mental clean out and refresh our thinking and inject hope into our future.
‘Stay positive. Better days are on their way.’
1. Are you someone that tries hard to make everything right all the time? If this is the case you must be on overdrive during the lockdown. I would say quite exhausted. Try easing off a little. Are there things you can simply not do? These are unusual times and require unusual approaches. A little less can be better.
We have all said that we are in a new norm. Consider putting less pressure on yourself by not demanding as much from yourself and the children. Accept that the world has changed. Less mental clutter from expecting too much will ease the tension for everyone. Mental clutter comes from too much to think about without eliminating any of the worries on your mind.
2. When exercising with the kids, try setting little goals.
‘Today we will ride to the park and tomorrow will we will cycle a bit further around the creek”.
Here it is all about shifting the goal posts a little and motivating the children to do better and achieve a little more. It certainly gets the enthusiasm going for everyone. We all need something like a small challenge to get us motivated.
3. Children thrive on routine and feel so secure when they know what is happening. Put a set plan into the day with school work, lunch, etc. all planned. At the end of the day, it is recreation and fun time. It certainly is a motivator for the children. Involve them in the plan and assess how it all went after the day or the week. They will feel comfortable and secure with the routine and look forward to their free time to stretch their legs.
4. Unclutter. Keep the day simple and the house even simpler. The more we clutter, the more we think we have things to do. When you break away from the house for a walk etc. note how things just fade away.
5. Now is not a time to be extraordinarily disciplined and in control of everything. There is enough mental discipline coming from our lockdown instructions. Loosen up a little and enjoy the experience of just being family. Afterall it is such an extraordinary time to be together. Try and savour this time which will never come back again in the same format. Treasure it.
“Tough times don’t last. But tough people do.”
Victor Borge said,
‘Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.’
Here we are not talking about social distancing. We are talking about mental distancing. Let’s create the shortest distance possible!
When we consciously choose to keep laughter alive in our life, we naturally feel better and connect better to those around. People are attracted to warm and cheerful people. Laughter is life giving.
We know, through research, that laughter is a stress buster and at the moment, hard though it maybe, what we all need is a good injection of laughter in our life.
Children are naturally drawn to being cheerful and happy. So, for them, being in a family that laughs together is a natural and healthy way to live.
If laughter can keep us together, then it makes sense that in these tricky times, we use laughter as therapy. Think about the suggestions that follow to keep the laughter alive in your family.
Use a joke book and each night have some family fun reading out jokes.
Play a joke on your child during the day and surprise them with some laughter.
Watch a funny movie together that brings laughter and cheerful attitudes to the house.
Physical exercise can bring laughter into the home as everyone chats about the fun activities they did on their bike, skateboard etc.
Write little cheery notes and put them under your child’s pillow. This is a wonderful surprise element.
If you have a pet such as a dog at home family fun together can bring laughter to the house.
Play family games. There are many board games etc. that bring laughter and fun to everyone.
Do you have any funny family stories to tell the children? This can often be an entertaining time for all.
Laughter is cheap. It doesn’t cost anything and if we simply look around our home, I am sure you will find reasons to smile and laugh.
Become a witty, fun person around your children. You will get so much positive feedback from engaging with your children in this way. You feel more fully alive when laughing with your children.
Be imaginative. Draw, dance, skip with your children. It brings out the laughter and creativity of the family. This may mean being a little different from the usual person you are, but we are in times where we need to stretch our imagination and accept challenges.
Take care to limit the negative talk. People generally feel better and happier when less negative discussion is around.
Be a little more tolerant when mistakes are made. Less time spent in behaviour management and more time in being happy together makes for a calmer, more cheerful family.
Try noticing less mistakes and problems around the house. This will slow down feelings of anxiety and cheer you up.
These thoughts are all about finding different avenues in which to bring joy and laughter into the home. Every family has their own unique way of laughing and playing together. After all, happiness is a very natural state for a person in which to live. Our physical and mental health is all the better for laughter in today’s unsettling world. See it as another important immunisation against mental deterioration.
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
Our children deserve to be happy. By nature of being a child, they are keen to smile, feel happy and enjoy their early years filled with imagination and light. Sounds idealistic I appreciate. We also know how we have to keep them in the real world which at times can be a quick shock to be taken out of fantasy, creativity and imagination.
However, being happy around your children is a warm and delightful way to demonstrate that life can and should be happy. Some of us have more serious dispositions. Some are lighter and look for the enjoyment and lighter side of life. Therefore, all families will be different in how they present themselves to their children.
We do need to teach our children that happiness can be found in any moments of the day, across a lifetime. It should be clear what makes us happy and we should be looking optimistically for things that make us happy. Such a disposition is mentally healthy. It is all about how we feel inside and we all naturally want to feel healthy and happy inside ourselves.
If a classroom does not have a happy disposition, the children’s capacity to learn is down. They want to be around happy light-minded teachers as they feel reassured and valued. Such teachers give them reassurance that they can make mistakes as they learn.
When hiring teachers, I was always looking for those teachers who savoured life and had a happy disposition. I owed this to the children they would teach.
My job as Principal was to ensure that the pal was very obvious in the word, Principal. The more they saw you as a friendly, happy person, the more approachable you seemed to them and therefore the more relevant.
Consider the following concepts that you teach your child when you are happy in yourself.
Let’s teach our children that happiness can be found in any moments of the day, across a lifetime.
They want to imitate that sense of being happy. You’re modelling here is so important.
They see it as the right way to be rather than anxious and unsettled. This means that they are less inclined to gravitate around people who bring them down.
They seek out similar children who likewise enjoy being happy and avoid those that bring them down.
When they are happy, they likewise will attract similar personalities.
Children begin to condition themselves into wanting to feel good. It is a more satisfying feeling than being down and intense. This is a positive outcome from being happy.
They are developing into more interesting young adults when they seek out happiness. People notice warm hearted people.
As they build on happiness, they become more insightful people who see life as a great opportunity and a place in which to be.
“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.”
This is a tricky one for children. By nature, they are slow to be patient especially when they are young. They are living in a fast pace world where social media teaches them that instant gratification and immediate response is to be expected and highly valued. One could say that learning patience is an outdated skill. Consider even simple things. For example, do we wait to have hot cross buns at Easter? No, we find them in the shops as early as February when the last dying ambers of Christmas are present.
We live in a world where instant satisfaction is expected and is regarded as the norm. It is not seen as impatience but a necessary requirement of daily life. It is all about we have a right to be happy all the time because we deserve getting what we want.
Teaching patience, therefore, is necessary as it does not come as an innate skill. People who work hard at being patient learn the art of waiting and with it the appropriate rewards. With patience comes a sense of being at peace and controlling the stress of having things straight away.
Fortunately, school teaches about the value of patience and accordingly rewards children for demonstrating an ability to be patient. Walk into any classroom and you will see many signs referring to dates when certain activities and celebrations will occur. There is often an excitable countdown to a special day. Children must wait for their name to be called out and at times may not be chosen straight away for activities. They have to go with the flow and learn the art of patience. And so, the list of reasons why patience is needed and demanded is clear in a school setting.
At home there are many occasions when patience can be encouraged as a great gift and is highly valued in your family. Waiting for a birthday is a typical one. The anticipation builds and then the excitement of the day. The wait is over and accordingly rewarded.
Consider:
We all find it difficult to be patient. This is not an innate skill.
Can you think of several occasions across the week, month etc. when you can reinforce and reward a child’s patience?
Put up calendar dates on the fridge that you are looking forward to. Talk about the wait and the anticipation that is building.
Do you know and admire patient people? Talk about them to your child. How were they rewarded? What made them so likeable?
Ask your child about the times they had to be patient in their school day. Note how being patient kept the class moving.
Demonstrate patience to your child in your own life.
“I have an important meeting with my boss this week. I will wait patiently for this as I think it is about my promotion.”
How about the general nature of being patient? We wait to be served in a restaurant or perhaps we are in a queue at the supermarket. There are many daily occasions when patience is needed. These are perfect times to show your child that being patient is the best way forward. Impatience only leads to stress and poor behaviour on occasions.
Slowly and steadily, you can demonstrate and highlight times when patience wins the day. A child needs positive examples, especially as the anxiousness of society deans quick and immediate responses.
“We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.”
The activities that we choose to do in our leisure time certainly define us. It is worth contemplating how we use leisure time and how this influences our children.
How we show commitment and prioritise is all about leisure time. Are we a family that hitches up the caravan and disappears to the beach? Leisure time should be modelled for the children as high-quality hours quite separated from the hustle and bustle of work, school, etc.
The activities that we choose to do in our leisure time certainly define us.
Children need to learn that there are clear separations with leisure time from regular life. This teaches them that leisure time is an important investment in life. It nourishes the soul as well as the body.
The more they come to value the experiences, the more they will be searching for it in their own lives.
Take care to ensure that leisure is active and engaging. Watching television, screen time on computers is not giving direct attention to breaking from routine and setting up activities that provide real leisure for all the family.
Teachers invite students to plan leisure activities that will be enjoyed by the whole class. Often this involves active activities such as sport, art etc. Sometimes school excursions are all about celebrating leisure time together. It is a great bonding agent.
A few thoughts about developing sound leisure time:
Invite the whole family into a discussion about how they want to use leisure time.
Take risks. Suggest new leisure activities that take everyone out of their comfort zones. Our character reflects the leisure we choose.
Research what is available and within your parameters as a family.
Plan leisure time regularly and talk about it as part of your family routine. Let it become an important way of life and not just an incidental holiday.
Get the children involved in the planning and if it involves gathering and packing equipment, this can be a wonderful way for them to become involved. Let them own some of the leisure plans and preparations.
Remind yourself that creating effective leisure time with the family is yet another way of supporting their mental growth and demonstrating the value of rest and recovery from the routine of life. It strengthens self-awareness and is an important way of expressing family.
“‘In our leisure we reveal what kind of people we are.’”
We all love a celebration. They are so important in our understanding of the values and beliefs we all share in a family. These celebrations are strong reminders to our children that we value something special and we want to gather to remember or acknowledge an important time in our life.
Children look forward to celebrations and given that they may repeat themselves such as birthdays, anniversaries, rituals etc. a child will over time have them entrenched in their thinking as part of their life.
Schools set up celebratory dates from the beginning of the year. They understand that a celebration can be an opportunity to deepen the children’s awareness of some value etc. Take for example, the school’ anniversary each year of Anzac Day. The teachers will use this occasion to reinforce the values of that event and also celebrate the life of those men and woman who died for their country.
There are many aspects to celebrations. Sometimes it is simply about joy and sometimes it may have a deeper meaning such as a religious occasion, anniversary of someone’s life etc.
Keep in mind that the particular celebrations you share as a family reflect your unique qualities and are a chance to reinforce the richness of your family.
The following ideas may help in this area:
List the celebrations for the year with your child. Perhaps you may add in any extras that are important to celebrate given the circumstances.
Talk about why you celebrate the occasions and how you want to celebrate it. Children are wonderful at creating ideas for a celebration. Remember happy, positive, long term memories are born from such experiences. My children still vividly remember shopping for and buying a wedding anniversary cake for myself and husband when they were preteenagers. They were so excited to plan and surprise us and they still remember this occasion after many years.
When something special happens in the family is it an occasion to gather perhaps for a meal and celebrate it together? Be an opportunist and find reasons to celebrate. You won’t have to look far.
Think about celebrating what you want to see more of. Perhaps your child may be working hard to improve their writing and they find success through this. Then share a meal and praise their efforts. It doesn’t take much to see things that you would like to acknowledge.
Be creative in how you celebrate and invite your child into the planning process. In this way, they will take more ownership of the event. They will remember the occasion more profoundly.
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
How often do you laugh? Are you a family that laughs together and often?
Can you remember the last time you had a good belly laugh?
When you think about your past as a child, do you remember people who were always laughing and did this make you feel good?
Laughing is infectious and important for good mental health and for personal happiness. Cheerful people make us feel better and no surprises, we are drawn to them in a positive way.
In today’s climate with so much intermittent anxiety connected to the pandemic, how about increasing laughter in your family? For some, this will be easy but for some families, it may take some planning and work.
Laughter is like a tranquillizer. It makes you feel alive and connected to those who are enjoying a laugh with you. It is a bonding agent.
Sometimes it is not easy to create humour in difficult times but with some creative thinking, I am sure you can find some happy, warm moments at home that can bring instant laughter into the house.
Laughing is infectious and important for good mental health and for personal happiness.
Remember that children love to laugh and crave feeling positive. This is natural to them. They will welcome all the humour you bring into your family life. Your laughter reassures them that they are in a safe happy place. They certainly want to be there.
Consider:
A joke book. Read some jokes at dinnertime. This can be fun for everyone.
Get into the habit of telling your child the funny things that happened to you today. They love to hear positive stories.
Watch a funny movie together. This can be such an upbeat time for families.
In working with children, teachers understand that the tone of their classroom should be positive and happy. To this end, they always welcome a joke and encourage children to share laughter amongst themselves. They understand that joking lifts the spirit. I noticed that if I was happy and talked about some funny situations with children, they were more inclined to talk to me about their concerns.
Shutdown comes with children when they feel insecure and doubt the presence of positivity around them.
Having a cheerful, happy disposition attracts others to you. Having a sense of humour is a gift to cherish. It also lightens the burden of the day.
If our children learn to laugh and come from a home environment that encourages laughter, this will more likely encourage friendships in their life. They then feel comfortable in their connection with others. It also builds their self-confidence in expressing themselves in front of others.
“You don’t stop laughing because you grow older.
You grow older because you stop laughing.”
We are talking quite a lot about the mental health of our children especially during these difficult times living through the pandemic. There is no doubt that anxiety can be present all around us in varying ways. The news, negative discussion amongst family members, statistics every day and so the list goes on to suggest that mounting anxiety can occur.
Your child will, of course, be processing all the news they hear. They will also read the signs you give them through your concerns and let us not forget the very visible presence of wearing masks each day. The mere fact that they are working from home and online presents its own worries and is another example of how isolating it is as a way of life.
We cannot dismiss the above, but we can put in place certain behaviours and actions that help a child cope during these difficult times. It is all about finding strong coping skills during these difficult times.
Consider the following which I believe may have some ideas for you to consider in reducing some anxiety for your child.
We are talking quite a lot about the mental health of our children especially during these difficult times living through the pandemic.
Be happy. Show them some optimistic news such as the numbers reducing. A smile makes such a difference. It is a great feel-good tool.
Talk about the wonders of modern science and how a vaccine will be developed that will combat the pandemic.
Keep busy. Idol time has a way of inflating anxiety.
Set up a schedule where you all are aware of how the day will be spent. Ensure that it is variable and the child has to focus on different directions throughout the day. The more you shift and change thinking, the more rethinking is necessary for the child.
Put into it elements of surprise to keep them guessing.
Play a lot and laugh a lot. There is so much humour to be found with and around children.
Watch humorous movies that bring the family together and show the funny side of life. This, of course, includes reducing individual time with intense computer games.
Is there a significant family project that you can work on? For example, can they paint their bedroom with assistance? Are they able to make a go-cart? Projects that take time and effort can be so much fun. They are impressive because of their scale.
Read more stories to your child. Is there a family time when everyone reads together?
I have mentioned before the value of playing together. Here I add the value of being physical together. This could be playing football, soccer etc. Contact games are a wonderful way to disconnect from problems. The physical exercise releases all the necessary chemicals to genuinely feel better.
Playing music that you can share together and dance for some families can be a great release.
The suggestions are just a few ideas. Think about what makes your family happy and focus on building that happiness up on a regular basis.
“What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, more unashamed conversation.”
Who doesn’t love the excitement that mounts as Christmas approaches? If you know someone who doesn’t then just say “baa humbug” to them! Our children bring us into the fever pitch building to the big day. All children young and old love to believe in Santa and I say why not?
I think Santa is for everyone and could be in anyone, if they enlighten the family, the giving nature of Christmas and the message of love and connection.
The image of Santa, the smiling man with a white beard and a red oversized suit, the giver of gifts, the jolly warm souled person who can only imagine making people, especially children happy, is, after all, a powerful image of pure joy. He makes us feel happy and brings us closer to connecting with others. So, if we cannot believe in the real image of Santa, create in your own mind, the spirit of Santa who brings us all together to simply create a feeling of happiness.
We all need a little Santa in our life and Christmas can be that time when we all come together, exchange gifts to acknowledge our love for our children and each other and reflect more deeply on the gift of family and friends. This may of course, also highlight aspects of family that are not intact and sadness can be close to the surface. Absence and loss can be very real at this emotional time. However, maybe these unsettling thoughts can enrich us by concentrating and enjoying in what we do actually have in our life.
The concept of jolly Santa, the universal lover of people and goodness is also about raising awareness of giving to those who are less advantaged. Ideas such as discrimination, prejudice, isolation. competition should be far from our minds and action at this time of year. They should fade away, as we focus on all that is good and wholesome in our life.
This is a wonderful time as a parent to raise your child’s awareness of giving to others. Perhaps take them to a communal giving tree to offer a gift to another child less likely to receive a gift. There are plenty of charities very active at this time of year where families can tap into supporting them. Also, teach your child about their mission and direction to support others less blessed in life.
By bringing your child into a deeper awareness of the message of Christmas, you are teaching them about sharing, social justice matters at your local level and above all, teaching them that by giving you actually receive so much more. You then morph into the spirit of Santa where you recognise that by giving, sharing and celebrating each other, the world is a better, happier place.
Christmas is a highlighted time to draw attention to supporting and loving each other a little more. So let’s Santarise ourselves a little as we get closer to the big day. It can’t hurt to be more optimistic, more engaging with your children and happier.
I think Santa is for everyone and could be in anyone, if they enlighten the family, the giving nature of Christmas and the message of love and connection.
“Santa Claus is anyone who loves another and seeks to make them happy.”
Isn’t it wonderful how much joy we gain from watching our children? Their laughter, childhood ways, imagination and sense of fun give us life.
This article is inviting us to stop and reflect on how children are a source of joy. We can learn so much about the beauty of life through their eyes. After all, being an adult can be very boring. It can also drain our sense of fun and reduce our awareness of all that is life-giving around us.
Let your child show you the way to being lighter and more positive about life.
At school, it was my common practice that if I was a having a bad day, weighed down by various matters, I would take myself around to the classrooms, just to enjoy the chatter, humour and life in the classroom. It lifted my spirits and made me realise how much I can learn from children. Let’s consider our children’s youthfulness as a happy pill and one that puts us in a better mental framework.
Their simple wisdom, unshakeable love for their parents, innocence when it comes to seeing the best or worse in a situation, teaches us that sometimes we can adopt a lighter more manageable approach to life.
All that we understand can be seen from different, less judgemental eyes. All that we see can be understood with better understanding and more general acceptance. As children have their faith in those around them, they can teach us how not to lose hope and belief in others. They also teach us how to simplify understandings, taking out the anger and hurt.
Here are some thoughts that invite us to reflect on times with our children that can be beneficial for improving our spirit and disposition.
Laugh with your children. See the funny side to their actions.
Listen to their words. Often simply expressed but with powerful messages.
Watch them play and join in to the experience. They often talk about all sorts of interesting things when playing. It is especially enjoyable listening to their chatter in a sandpit.
Children love to draw. Watch them and talk about what their drawings are all about. As an adult doodling can be another form of drawing in a state of relaxation.
Sing with your child. Some of the songs you will know and the repetition is often comforting.
Enjoy the changing expressions on their faces and the interesting body language. These shift so regularly and are a key to how they are processing information.
Let your child know that you learn from them.
“I love the way you use play dough. Can you show me how you created that shape?”
Children have a different sense of time to busy adults. Perhaps we can adopt more time to things we enjoy doing and reduce the busy things we do that clutter the day.
Allow them to be creative. This can go in many directions that will surprise you. Their creativity abounds in so many ways.
Remind yourself by talking to your children about the fun parts of your childhood. What made you laugh and what drove your spirit.
This article invites the parent to simply enjoy the moments with their children and notice the unique childlike manner that is so attractive to them.
Time passes quickly and those moments where we learn about our child in their childhood become less and less as they grow older. My belief is that if we capture their joy, we will carry it with us and it will give us some positive feelings along the way.
Let your child show you the way to being lighter and more positive about life. Adopt a little of their liveliness and enjoy the day.
“If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.”
Call it what you like but this is all about teaching your child that you can look at life in various ways. The best and most positive way to go forward is to develop a growth mindset and not a fixed mindset. This is all about looking at situations and seeing how it can be understood from a position that will lead to growth, new understandings etc.
This is all about understanding that the growth of your capabilities is all about how you manage it. As a parent we encourage our child to see situations as positive opportunities rather than having a fixed outlook. For example, if a child comes home from school and talks about how he didn’t play well at lunchtime with his friends and so he will not play with them again. After all he feels better to not go where he has failed. This is definitely a fixed mindset. Rather we would be teaching our child to consider talking to his friends about the game or perhaps playing a different game with them. Whatever the discussion, it is about not seeing the incident as failure but an opportunity for growth.
We can help develop enlightening in the child, the idea that we learn from anything we do.
“Sounds like you need to talk to your friends about games that work for everyone.”
Frequently talking this way about incidences that have not gone well is teaching the child that there are many ways at looking at situations and the best way forward can be to use a failed situation to improve yourself.
“You seem upset that the test didn’t go well. How about talking to the teacher about what went wrong so that you can get better at that problem.”
Here you are reflecting on the fixed outcome and turning it into an opportunity.
“Oh, dear the sandcastle fell down. Let’s look in the bucket to see how we can make a better one.”
By having the mindset that you will encourage your child to see the problem from a growth aspect teaches them how to approach situations that are not successful. Also, in your own life modelling how, you reflect on failed situations, turning them into a learnt process is important for the child to observe how you manage situations.
In working with children that felt unsuccessful and would give up easily, teachers would often invite them to set small goals or simply lay out in front of them different ways to see the problem. This was all about looking at re-framing the issue.
When I worked with children who seemed to have a fixed mindset about situations, we would discuss all the positive things that could be derived from the situation. We would often list them and discuss what we learnt from them.
“You seem to be unhappy that you cannot do spelling very well. Let’s look at the words you got correct that shows that you can spell”.
This article is about enlightening in the child the idea that we learn from anything we do. This especially includes when things go wrong. These occasions give us a chance to continue to get better. It is all about finding that hope is in every situation if you look hard enough.
“Anyone who has not made a mistake has never tried anything. ”
One of the great advantages of being a parent is that your child will take you through all the stages of growth, physically, intellectually, socially and emotionally. They will reintroduce you to childlike ways. How much therapy can that be!
Playing with your children brings more benefits than you realise.
Whilst I appreciate our children can be exhausting and frustrating from time to time, they do give us such wonderful opportunities to relive our childhood in some way. Perhaps your childhood wasn’t so much fun, now is a time to enjoy the innocence and simple joy of being a child with your own child.
Sometimes being an adult and maintaining the pressure of living up to many and varied expectations can be very waring.
When you take time out to share in some fun and uncomplicated joy with your child, the world is a happier place to be. It also demonstrates to your child, that you can relax and share in their world, with all its magic and imagination. You are modelling that their world has its own charm and meaning in which you want to share. You are valuing their world and not placing expectations on them to be sensible, grown up etc.
In working with children, I was in a very blessed space as a workplace. If I wanted to ease the pressure of the office, I would often enjoy playing the games on the yard with the students, join in netball games, share in choir etc. I certainly felt better from being part of their world. I would return to the office much refreshed.
Consider:
Visiting sandpits and together play in them. Beaches are wonderful spaces to play in the sand, no matter what age the child. They provide a wonderful climate to play sport such as cricket etc. Notice all the fun, families have on beaches in Summer. Beaches provide entertainment for all.
Playing formal games at home. Simple games such as monopoly can provide hours of fun.
Play Lego with the children. Are you as creative or as skilled as them?
Drama is a great imaginative tool. Act out simple plays and stories together. Children love the dress ups. Join in with them. Sometimes using music, singing together leads to much joy. Dramatizing books being read is also a great fun way to engage.
Physical activities such as bike riding together, rollerblading and other active games in the park can lead to so much enjoyment.
Children love to write imaginative stories. You can join in and add sections to it.
Draw together. This can be even using chalk on the concrete.
Invite your child to recommend the game and join in. Younger children are very quick to create stories and adventures.
These considerations may not be new to you but the following reasoning is behind the idea of joining in the world of the child.
It is mentally healthy to play and relax. What better way than to do it with your children.
As an adult taking a break from being a grown up is a positive way to improve mental health. Sometimes maintaining the adult in you is hard work.
By joining in with your child, you relive some memories and trigger some smiles. All positive for everyone concerned.
Finally, who says we have to lose all our childhood and grow up.
A better-balanced adult who can see life from many angles including that of a child is a more interesting person with high emotional intelligence.
“Be small and childlike. There is no simpler, better way to see the big picture. ”
How much thought do we give to how many times we just smell the roses and experience joy with our children? Time passes so quickly and with it, life experiences move swiftly passed our consciousness. What can stay and linger in our minds is how we shared a laugh and simply enjoyed the moment with our children.
There is nothing more rewarding than walking into a classroom and hearing laughter from the teacher and children. That is a clear sign that the children are enjoying their learning experiences and trust in their environment.
Doing things with your children that you love should bring a sense of joy to all involved. Simply being happy with your child is an immense success as an effective parent. This sends a message to the child that all is well with themselves and parent.
The calm, steady sense of being joyful also feeds into a child’s sense of security, reducing anxiety and stress. Simple things like laughing about a joke together, telling jokes, noticing together the funny side of a situation. All of these display a positive, healthy disposition to life and send signals to your child that being happy is the best state in which to live.
When working with children, it was always important to set the scene before talking about matters that may concern the child. We would start with something light such as talking about the great sports day we had yesterday or the funny moment when the bell went at the wrong time. This gives a message to the child that we can discuss matters knowing that we share a common love of life in a positive setting.
Start looking at simple activities you do together as joyful times. Even chatting together in the car, playing “I spy” etc. is a time of joy and fun. It about being alive and positive together.
Family games are also a wonderful time to enjoy each other’s company and to find a sense of joy in the occasion. Choose funny books to have a laugh together when reading.
My own children, now well grown, will occasionally talk about the funny or quirky situations they shared with their mother. These are memorable and tell a story. Remember parents do not have to be perfect, just normal is quite enough.
If you are busy and tired take care not to show this tension to your child. These occasions can be very real road blocks for having happy, quality time together.
Try keeping in mind that any situation no matter how ordinary can become a time of joy. All it requires is your awareness of how a situation can turn into a happy experience. For example, if all is quiet in the car, chat about the funny sign you just read or sing a song together.
Happy people that see the joy in everyday activities are very positive people that others enjoy being around. This blog is about finding the joy and sharing the moment.
“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter”
Do you just love chatting to your child at bedtime? There is something magical about being together and disclosing the stories of the day. This is a time when children feel safe and secure enough to chat to you intimately. One great way to invite your child to talk about the day is to simply say:
One great way to invite your child to talk about the day is to chat at bedtime.
“What made you happy today?”
Also another way to express the day is to ask:
“What made you feel good about yourself today?”
A simple, harmless invitation to talk about the day. It doesn’t focus on the negative at all. Often from the child will come their feelings of being happy but also they may chat about the incidence that didn’t make them feel so good in themselves.
This is a real listening time and doesn’t need to be a time of solving problems.
The invitation to just chat about the happy experiences makes the child relive positive feelings that reassure them. This is important before bed as it gives them a feeling of being safe with their thoughts. Of course having the reinforcement from the parent makes it all the better.
Sometimes you may find the child asking you the same question,
“What made you feel good today?”
This is a perfect time to talk about the values and experiences that enriched your life on that day.
The purpose of using night time to reflect positively on the day is an excellent way to teach children a little about positive psychology which is all about reinforcing the positive and diminishing the negative which acts as an obstacle to happiness.
When working with children at school they would often tell me that the most looked forward to time was talking to parents at bedtime. It was time to feel secure and happy within themselves. The presence of having a parent present gives them such emotional reassurance that all is well with the world.
It’s hard to keep the mood positive all the time, even with children. They get quite crowded with thoughts and desires and sometimes struggle to put order into their life.
It is not uncommon to find a child feeling and looking quite idle and down in the day. When this occurs, there is a simple and easy way to lift that spirit and most importantly to give the child strategies to help them control their moods. Remember what you are doing here is teaching your child how to manage themselves better from time to time.
Suggest that they write a list of activities or things that makes them feel happy. This could include everything from Lego to dolls to playing games etc. The point of this exercise is to discuss the list of suggestions that can very quickly shift a mood or temperament.
Put the list somewhere visible and discuss the possibility of engaging in some of these activities or simply discussing the fun and joy they receive from them.
The purpose of this exercise is to give the child a way out of thinking moody thoughts. It is about enlightening them on the positive and distracting their negative feelings. Keep the list visible for a while and suggest that the list should be upgraded from time to time especially when new experiences come into play.
When working with children it was quite common practice that they would write down activities or resources that made then feel good. It acted as a distraction to lower sad feelings and it also proved an excellent vehicle to talk about what was valuable in their life.
Children generally like to write or draw their feelings and so it is not an uncommon way to express themselves. A younger child without writing skills can of course simply draw the things that make them feel happy.
A good modelling technique is to demonstrate to your child that when you are feeling low you write a list of things that make you feel better. This modelling is a great example to them that you use similar strategies to deal with mood swings.
A little bit of distraction can go along way to redirecting feelings.
“Start writing no matter what. The water does not not flow until the faucet is turned on.”
It is not uncommon to find a child feeling and looking quite idle and down in the day.
How time passes when we simply don't notice the uniqueness of our child, the journey of their growth or their shift from childhood into adolescence, from adolescence into adulthood. This article merely touches on the value of stopping to smell the roses and enjoy the moment with the child.
We are very explicit with our families in terms of the things that we want to pay attention to and these are often around functional and aspirational things. For example, achieving at school, playing sport, doing homework etc. We are all keen to put emphasis on very typical aspects of our life which are common in many families. We expect to be attentive and reflective around such important issues.
What is unique are the individual moments to be shared with your child as they develop over the years. For example, if you bike ride with your child, stop for a minute and reflect on how joyous that experience is for all of you. When you sing a song together, set the kitchen table together, watch a humorous movie together, these are all times to reflect on that special moment that is a snap shot of your life together. It is difficult for parents with young children to imagine their child older, more independent. Time passes and this comes around quicker than we can imagine. Ask any parent whose last child is leaving primary school! A great way of understanding the preciousness of the moment is to look back on photos. Here we easily stop and reflect on that scene and contemplate how things have changed.
We cannot suspend time, but there is some evidence that time accelerates in our mind when everything is going well. Try to simply take some time to enjoy the moment whether it be watching your child in a classroom, sports field, play ground etc and reflect on the joy of that moment. Being more in harmony with the uniqueness of the present moment makes for a calmer disposition all round.
Here are a few thoughts to get you in a reflective mindset.
Take a big breath and just look around.
Look for the lighter side of the moment.
Tell yourself why this is special.
Pretend you are snapping a photo of that moment and remind yourself why?
“If you are always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you are in?”
