Finding ways to help a child’s anxiety

August 27, 2022 by Gail Smith in Parenting, Positive Behaviour, Anxiety

Children can feel anxiety, just as adults do. Anxiety is the feeling where we worry, we feel anxious and we can have a sense of dread. Here are some tips to help your child work through anxiety.

How to get the best from your child’s teacher

August 20, 2022 by Gail Smith in Children, Communication, Education, Emotions, Father, Learning, Mother, Negotiation, Parenting, Positive Behaviour, school, teacher

It makes sense that as a parent you feel confident and that you are in a solid relationship with your child’s teacher. It is important to your teacher, and child also. There are many factors that go into running a school and teaching. Parents are naturally emotional when it comes to their children, so if you have any concerns, you’ll have a better chance of being heard when you are calm and responsibly talk about concerns with your child’s teacher.

Set small goals to set success.

July 29, 2022 by Gail Smith in Achievement, Children, Parenting, Positive Behaviour, school

It is well known that success breeds success and the more a child feels capable and experiences success they quickly build their confidence which feeds into more success. A child’s daily experiences can help build confidence and encourage further achievement if they are more likely to try new things.

Is your child comparing themselves to others?

July 27, 2022 by Gail Smith in Achievement, Children, Parenting, Positive Behaviour, Self Esteem

A child is always on the go developing their sense of self-worth and building foundations that reassure them of their worthiness. They don't need to focus on others around them who are doing better or who perceive to be more successful. Read here for some suggestions to help you work with your child in offsetting unfortunate comparisons and how to build their self-esteem.

The words we choose to use.

June 19, 2022 by Gail Smith in Children, Communication, Confrontation, Emotions, Father, Mother, Parenting, Positive Behaviour

How we speak to our children is long-lasting. Read here for some thoughts on how to manage ourselves in using effective communication with children.

Enjoy the present - it’s here for you now to enjoy →

May 27, 2022 by Gail Smith in Children, Emotions, Happiness, Laughter, Memories, Parenting, Positive Behaviour

Happiness can be found in all of the smaller moments in life. You just have to stop for a moment and enjoy the present.

A child needs to grow a strong belief in themselves

May 25, 2022 by Gail Smith in Children, Parenting, Positive Behaviour, Self Esteem

Our children need to be steadily building a strong belief in themselves. They will put themselves forward and receive some knockdowns but climbing the ladder of being strongly connected to the world will come with mounting strong self-belief.

Being credible is such an important part in parenting

May 18, 2022 by Gail Smith in Children, Family, Father, Mother, Positive Behaviour, Parenting, Raising Boys, Raising girls, Values

By nature of being a parent you are invited to present such fine qualities as credibility and trust to your child. Never underestimate that such an opportunity is also all about developing yourself as a fully rounded, emotionally intelligent person. Like it or not parenting forces us to grow up!

Teach our children to be courteous →

May 17, 2022 by Gail Smith in Behaviour, Children, Experiences, Father, Mother, Parenting, Positive Behaviour

There is a silent, steady power present in being courteous. You are stronger by nature of your courteous style. By treating someone with dignity no matter how different your thoughts are, there is little with which to argue. After all, they see how you accept them as legitimate. You accept their right to have a voice, which gives you a voice.

Give your child occasions to make choices

April 18, 2022 by Gail Smith in Children, Parenting, Positive Behaviour, Decision Making

Children need occasions to make choices and grow to understand that in making choices we live with the consequences. Decision making can be taught as much as learnt on the run. For our children, teaching them that making their own decisions comes with the joy of owning the outcome and also learning from the outcome.

Managing children’s behaviour.

April 08, 2022 by Gail Smith in Behaviour, Children, Father, Mother, Parenting, Positive Behaviour, Raising Boys, Raising girls

The household should have clear rules and be a place where the child can see you, the parent, living by the standards you set for them. Here are some tips to help manage children’s behaviour at home.

Differences in families

March 23, 2022 by Gail Smith in Children, Family, Friendship, Parenting, Positive Behaviour, school

‘It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognise, accept and celebrate those differences.’ -Audre Lorde

There is much to be learnt when a child starts school. Their emotional and social growth is all the richer for embracing the wonderfully rich tapestry of different families across the years.

When home life changes

March 21, 2022 by Gail Smith in Children, Divorce, Experiences, Family, Father, Mother, Parenting, Positive Behaviour, Problems

Family situations change through separation and divorce and children will feel this. The key point is to provide ongoing love, understanding, reassurance and stability in difficult times. Try to remember that whilst you are going through a personal crisis, there is no avoiding that your child will be experiencing emotionally charged times. Accept that you will need support and so to your child. Rely on family support and networks that will minimise some of the impacts.

Catching good behaviour isn’t that difficult

March 16, 2022 by Gail Smith in Behaviour, Children, Family, Parenting, Positive Behaviour, Potential, Self Esteem, Values

How often do we reward our children in spontaneous ways? Do we notice the various spontaneous occasions that can be rewarded and often through different ways?

Never underestimate the value of the positive words you use with your children. There is a clever way of getting even smarter with words and that is by picking up on spontaneous positive moments you notice.

Consider avoiding confrontation where possible.

March 09, 2022 by Gail Smith in Children, Family, Father, Mother, Negotiation, Parenting, Positive Behaviour, Confrontation

As children grow older, you may find it better to avoid confrontations and find different ways to amend the situation. This is easier said than done sometimes. Here is some advice from Gail Smith, The Primary Years.

How to deal with giving consequences for problem behaviour

February 21, 2022 by Gail Smith in Behaviour, Mother, Father, Negotiation, Parenting, Positive Behaviour

I totally dislike the word Punishment. It has such dark and serious connotations and for a child it can be quite overwhelming when they hear there will be punishment for bad actions. How about saying there will be some consequences for poor behaviour. Here are some important aspects of dealing with problem behaviour that should be understood when managing negative behaviour with children.

Do you have a desire or special message you wish to deliver to your children?

February 08, 2022 by Gail Smith in Parenting, Positive Behaviour, Values

There is an old saying, ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.’ Your child will be strongly influenced by your image and how this image is portrayed in their young lifetime, will determine how much of it is finally adopted. Family values are important. Read here for some factors to consider. Gail Smith, The Primary Years.

As school closes and holidays begin

December 24, 2021 by Gail Smith in Parenting, Positive Behaviour, Post Covid

Now it’s time to really rest and recover from a confusing and complex year. It is a time to gather with family and friends and above all to strengthen connections.

Children will be excited about holidays and carry some slight reservation about the year to date. No matter how the year went for your family with lockdowns etc, Christmas is a good time to put some ritual and normality into their lives. It is pointless reflecting on goals not achieved or plans abandoned. What’s done is done. Now is the time to bring some hope and joy into your life as a family. Christmas in a way is putting normality and ritual back into their lives.

A few latent thoughts about school, 2021.

Try to not reflect on what was not achieved. Teachers will have done their best under the circumstances.
You will actually be surprised how much your child has learnt over the year and in surprisingly different ways. Children are more sensitised to how society is responding to such a crisis as the pandemic. Their maturity and self-awareness will have been given a sudden and unexpected jolt. Perhaps they are more intuitive about where and how to function around people. They have learnt to accept less and to be patient and tolerant of others. In our society, which has been focussing on the individual for some time, the lockdowns and pandemic has forced us to look at the common good for all. It has been about compromising lifestyle so that lives are saved.
Schools have worked hard to put a good closure on the school year and no doubt some positive talk about next year, would have been the order of the day, especially discussing class groups etc. The children would have left the school, hopeful and excited for 2022. I have every confidence in the positive speak that teachers would have given the children in their planning for the New Year. Their job is all about giving children hope through the learning experience.
Tap into your child from time to time, to understand how they are processing and reflecting on the 2021 year. Some children may need to talk more about their experiences and feelings, others may be quick to move on. It will be different for each child. Listen carefully to your child to hear their cry for support.
Above all look to the future with optimism and give your child a clear understanding of how you, as a family are managing the ongoing situation. Keep them well informed (age appropriate) and talk positively about how the new year will present challenges and opportunities.

‘Optimism is a kind of stimulant- the digitalis of failure.’
-Elbert Hubbard

When to simply ignore the problem

December 18, 2021 by Gail Smith in Behaviour, Communication, Parenting, Positive Behaviour, Problems

This cannot always be easy and yet it can be a troublesome area for parents who struggle to let go of issues or behaviours that are poor. We all have our buttons that can be pushed easily. We need to know our measures and what triggers our reaction to different situations. Sometimes, simply tiredness and fatigue can shorten our tolerance level. Also, there are some situations that make parents more reactive or anxious when a child behaves inappropriately. This article is to invite reflection on the whole area of when it is better to simply ignore certain behaviours. Why you ask, when the behaviour is inappropriate? Well, consider:

The stronger reactions we have to our child’s behaviour, the more they grow to expect that response. Therefore, are we sometimes feeding the problem as they will repeat the pattern with no change.
Is the unacceptable behaviour on a scale of one to ten that important to correct? Sometimes it is best to simply accept that their childish ways can be live around.
Reflect on why you want the behaviour corrected or changed. Are the reasons valid or are you reacting to what others may think etc?
The more you have a day labelled with corrections and chastisement, the more debilitating it becomes for all. Keep in mind that in this case, the effectiveness of your reactions is very low. This of course makes us further frustrated. Do you know the point where it’s best to stop reacting?
Be selective. If you notice some behaviour that is unacceptable, choose the best time to talk to your child and deal with the matter. Often quick responses in busy settings like shopping centres are ineffective. You want your child listening and available in conversation to get the best results.
If your child is having an off day or simply not well, be sensitive to dealing with the problems. Try to be proactive and provide a climate that gives you and the child a softer landing.
When is a problem really a problem? Keep this in mind when you see behaviour in which you have an immediate reaction. Sometimes the problem can resolve itself without your intervention. Keep this in mind.
Try to not react straightway, because after a small reflection you may see the situation differently or with less intensity. This makes for a softer resolution for all. Timing is everything.
Keep in mind that they are childhood behaviours, sometimes driven with intent, sometimes carelessly done and sometimes without thinking. Try to ascertain the intent and this may help you to see that the problem is actually less important to manage.

Your journey as a parent on many levels seems very long, but upon later reflection, you will wonder where the years went. The overall impression for the child as an adult is that you were fair and loving, a great listener, negotiator and a sympathetic parent. Best to work on developing that impression than one of being focussed on suppressing behaviour.

‘Sometimes the best reaction is no reaction at all.’
-PinArt

The proactive approach for our children is the right way to go

November 30, 2021 by Gail Smith in Behaviour, Communication, Family, Parenting, Positive Behaviour, Problem Solving

Best to always avoid tricky situations than to dive into them unprepared. The consequences can be long, overcomplicated and perhaps could have been avoided with some proactive actions. As busy parents, who wants to deal with extra problems and find themselves in more complicated situations than is necessary? Being proactive requires some thought to foresee what is likely to happen and where possible go around the problem or divert the situation. When you know your child and how they respond to certain situations you are in the best position to be proactive.

Being proactive also has many benefits in building stronger, healthier relationships with your child.

By avoiding the little problems, you are less likely to have to deal with issues escalating to a new level. One problem can easily triple in a short time.
Better parenting is all about planning well and recognising the signs that can change a happy situation into a disaster in a flash.
It is healthier to be in a positive state with your child than to be regularly dealing with behavioural issues that can require discipline etc. In the first instance, they could have been avoided.
To be proactive, a parent looks for the best way to deal with some issue before it actually happens. This requires knowing your child and choosing occasions and times that work best for you. It may mean redirecting plans, reducing hostile conversations, noticing less trouble and generally looking for the positive in situations.
Be alert. Tired parents and children are not a good combination for avoiding conflict.
Put some family strategies in place that are proactive. For example, if your child is always running to find their bag for school, get them to put it near the door the night before. It is all about seeing a potential occasion where it can escalate making everyone unhappy.
Affirming your child is also a very proactive activity. The more they feel valued in doing the right thing, the greater possibility out will be repeated.
Be clear in your directions and make sure that your child heard your instructions before reacting. Sometimes busy times with poor listening can quickly escalate into problems when real listening has not occurred.
Look at the setup of your home. Are there places around the house that encourage sound relationships or are there obstacles that can cause tension such as computers in family spaces? For example, are bikes, toys etc. put in safe places that are accessible but not interfering with movement? Take a walk around the house, are there places and spaces that can be improved where a child will not break precious items, etc. The environment in the house should suit the age of your family.
Speak optimistically. This always suggests that there is no threat in your voice and that you are in no way upset. A child listens to their parents’ voices to get a measure of how they are valued. They are more likely to respond well and less reactive if feeling reassured.

Above all recognise that being a proactive person reduces tension, avoids unnecessary confrontation, builds stronger relationships and models to a child that working in a positive framework is a much more powerful and effective way of living happily and peacefully.

‘Being positive won’t guarantee you’ll succeed.
But being negative will guarantee you won’t.
-Jon Gordon