Let’s talk about managing food allergies at school

This is such a difficult topic, as dealing with life-threatening allergies for children demand so much attention and understanding from all parties. Schools take this seriously, but unfortunately in the busy life of a school, mistakes can happen. The bigger the school, the more difficult it is to get the message across that, for example, everyone adopts a nut-free policy. Sometimes, some homes are not aligned with school rules and this is where it can fall down, putting children at risk. The answer, I believe, simply involves the child in question, gradually over time, being educated on food groups and allergies. It is so important that the child learns to personally manage their health themselves. Schools will help with supportive rules. However, if a child knows the signs of where food allergies are present around them, especially at eating time, the greater capacity they have of being safe from attacks.

Without going into much detail, children can learn that sometimes surfaces, where other children have eaten, can contain some contaminates that they need to be aware of. I hear you say, how hard it is for a child to feel that they have to own their condition. I believe that the more a child takes ownership of their health, the safer and ultimately the happier they will be. There is nothing more satisfying than being in charge yourself. It takes away so much fear and anxiety.

Hot Topic!  Should schools ban ‘dangerous food’?

Hot Topic! Should schools ban ‘dangerous food’?

Think about the following ideas to help graduate a child into learning and taking ownership of their health issues, especially with regard to life threatening allergies.

  • From an early age gently talk about the health matter and begin the education into food groups, allergies etc.

  • As a parent, you will of course educate with wisdom, common sense and with an optimism, that it will be all for the best. Talking positively about how important it is to keep healthy and well.

  • At school, keep the education going at your class level, especially and talk to the teacher about how the classroom can help when food is introduced. Teachers are all about education and if a child in their room, has specific food allergies, that are life-threatening, they will take great care to support the best climate for the child.

  • Teach your child that everyone’s wellbeing is different and the home environment is a great place for celebrating that difference, especially when preparing and learning about food.

  • Tune in with your child about how things are going at school and what precautions the child is taking when eating time comes around. It is always helpful to occasionally tap into the teacher to discuss how food is being managed throughout the school day. This is important, as, throughout the school year, the classroom will set up different dynamics, that may challenge eating time.

  • Don’t forget to affirm your child if they demonstrate a smart way of managing their food allergies. Children, when left to their own devices, are creative in solving their own problems.

  • Teach them to speak up and not feel vulnerable about their allergies. The more confidence a child shows in themselves, the safer they are in managing their own health issues. Their wellbeing is unique to them.

  • The younger the child, the more careful and supportive are parents and school in providing a safe climate. However, at a younger age, a child can learn a great deal about their health and how to look after their condition. We are teaching them that self-care is a necessary part of their life.

Schools take on the responsibility of providing a nut-free policy and will do their best in providing that safe environment for the child. They also rely on everyone being on the same page, all the time. This can be challenging. The safer route is to keep your child abreast with self-knowledge where they build confidence and grow stronger in personally managing their health issues.

‘Self-care is how you take your power back’

-Lalah Delia

Ten great ways to help your child settle back into school

1. Family chats about coming out of the lockdown

Gather as a family and talk about what it will be like going back to school after a long time. Let your child talk about their fears and anxious thoughts, which will generally be all about re-establishing friends, feeling safe and getting back their feeling of confidence in learning. Don’t be surprised or challenged by what they have to say, as it is their time to talk freely about their worries.

2.    Reassure your child that school is a safe place

Reassure them that they will be in safe hands and that their health will be a big consideration with the school. Some children may be anxious about leaving the safety of home given the pandemic discussions that are around. It may have been a lockdown, but for a child, the home created a safe haven. Give your child accurate information about the pandemic, but make it age appropriate. This is important, as unsettling gossip at school can destabilise a child.

3. Plan you way out of the lockdown

Design a plan which may involve you taking them to school, talking to the teacher etc. whatever makes them feel that you are still present in their lives away from home. This will make the transition a more secure one and will build trust in the child in resuming school.

4.    Change can bring feelings of grief

Never underestimate that your child will experience some grief in letting you go. The concentrated time they have spent with you has been for them a time of getting to know their parents more deeply and feeling comforted by your reassuring presence. Therefore, when school resumes, consider still spending dedicated quality time with them as going cold turkey will be very unsettling, especially for younger children.

5. Make home a consistent and safe place

Re-establishing themselves in a school setting will take time as routines and school patterns are slowly re-established or created. Keep home life consistent so that the child feels secure in the boundaries and familiar environment they know and enjoy. Their home has been a comfort zone for quite some time.

6. Check in with your child regularly.

Check in with them regularly about how they are coping back at school. It will be natural that they will have ups and downs, not the least of which will be friendships. They may wish to tell you all is well as not to upset you. However, be open to conversation and not too probing in questions.

‘Sometimes starting school after a long break can be difficult. I wonder how you are going with it?”

 7. Never underestimate the effect of change

Going back to school is an immense change. Don’t underestimate its impact on the child. Therefore, adapt or moderate the family lifestyle to accommodate how your child is coping. This may mean some compromises or simply ensuring that quality time with family is maintained.

 8. Affirm your child’s efforts in being a change agent

Affirm your child’s efforts in returning to school. This is quite a challenge for them on many levels. Your appreciation gives them some reassurance that they are doing their best under difficult circumstances and it is valued.

‘I am so proud that after a long time you can settle back into school. That is a big step after such a long break.’

9. Less talk about the things that bring us down

Keep negative chatter about the state of the pandemic down and talk about the positive aspects as we move forward. This is important to ensure that the children are not building negative thoughts, now that they are in the eyes and ears of a school community. Negative gossip can build anxiety.

10. Don’t underestimate the fatigue from such a change experience.

You may find your child may feel some fatigue, mental and physical in going back to school. This can be from all the new pressures and expectations placed on them which were not the case in the home environment. Plenty of rest at home and a gentle reintroduction into routines, sport etc. outside the home is the best way forward.

It is all about frequent checking in with their progress into the new framework of our post lockdown world.

Looking after yourself a key ingredient into coping

There is an old saying which says, “If mama isn’t right, the whole house isn’t right.” Here we mean that keeping yourself well and feeling mentally on top of things is critical for the mental health of the whole family. You, the parent is a major driver in the mental health of the family.

          No pressure I hear you say loud and clear!

Here are some thoughts on keeping mentally healthy during these difficult times where we feel so unsettled and disillusioned by the news we hear on a daily basis about the pandemic.

  • Watch out for the triggers in your life that will unsettle you easily. We all have buttons once pressed that make us feel unhappy, angry disappointed, etc. If you can recognise those triggers then perhaps you can avoid them. This may mean some restructuring in your day, perhaps avoiding the news, conversations etc. When you think about it, there are occasions and situations that will bring you into an unsettled state. Seek out ways to avoid them. It could be as simple as not watching the news, reading the paper, not discussing the daily numbers with the virus, etc.

  • Take care not to blame yourself when things go wrong. This can happen easily when you are feeling down. For example, if your child doesn’t complete work online do not immediately see yourself as the bad parent. The more we see ourselves as the one to take the blame, the less capable we are to manage the situation effectively. Very quickly we begin to spiral down and only see the negative in situations. You are not the source of all problems and circumstances often outside your control dictate outcomes!

  • Try to focus on the positive. Today is sunny, this means Spring is coming and we can do more activities outside. Sometimes just reflecting on the simple positives just cheer you up. This does require developing a mindset that looks to the positive. When you start thinking that way you begin to have more gratitude for the good things around you and this shrinks negative feelings.

  • Be conscious of developing unhealthy coping skills. This can mean going to places and comfort zones that give us short term relief. Of course, alcohol would be in this category.

  • Think about what really works for you that makes you happy. Everyone is different in this area. Some people love yoga, others like to jog, cook, read, sew etc. The more you gravitate and feed your personal passions the better you feel.

  • Ensure you find yourself in situations where you get rewarded. It is important to hear affirmation from those around you. Of course, your children are a wonderful source of showing you how much they love you. Never underestimate the power of hearing positive talk about yourself. After all you are worth it!

  • Treat yourself to little indulgences. Some people love a bath, some enjoy a quiet time in the garden etc. Your personal space is very necessary to rejuvenate the spirit. If flowers make you feel happy, buy some each week.

  • Finally, talk to friends. There is nothing more enjoyable than simply having conversations with those that you value most in life.

Remind yourself that powers outside your control have led to our pandemic situation. We are just trying to create an environment that brings some light and joy into a difficult situation. However, in order to be a giver of joy, we must look after ourselves first in whatever way works for you.

Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.
— Brene Brown

On we go with lockdowns

Whilst I have written several times on this matter, it occurs to me that there is no problem in repeating how and what to do to help our children’s mental health during this period. Everything keeps shifting. As each week comes around, there is an evolution of new thoughts and discussions on how and what is best practice in managing the situation. This everchanging pattern leaves us very unsettled and searching for the truth.

In the longer term, we cannot understand or contemplate how our children will interpret this tumultuous period in their life. What we can do as parents though, is provide a secure climate at home, that keeps the positive alive and a sense of hope, a source of regular discussion.

Children need to feel secure and as parents, we are the source to make this provision. Our hope is that in the longer term, they remember us as parents who kept up with accurate information. They also want us to be honest. However, in the same vein, to give us hope, so that they have something to look forward to and to set a goal in these troubling times. Setting goals is aspiring to feeling and being better.

‘If I finish my on-line work, I will ride my bike with mum and dad in the park for two hours.’

In the longer term, we cannot understand or contemplate how our children will interpret this tumultuous period in their life.

In the longer term, we cannot understand or contemplate how our children will interpret this tumultuous period in their life.

This is most important that they trust what we have to say and look to us for further ongoing current, accurate information and guidance. It is our responsibility to keep them abreast with the changing situations, age-appropriate of course.

Take care not to talk the negative talk in front of them. They pick up on what is said and if it is unsettling, they may harbour that thought, without seeking accurate information. Children in my experience, do not approach adults who seem agitated or unsettled about their facts and feelings. They always gravitate around the stable influence in their life.

Through the internet, talking to friends, news items etc. information, correct or otherwise is everywhere. You are the main source of truth for your child. It is imperative that they want to seek you out when they have questions that make them unsettled. They will go to you if they see you as someone who will not falsify information, put them down or polish the truth. If you are a calm and stable person, that listens with very little reaction to the questions, then they know you are reliable and can be trusted.

Children are living their own journey with this pandemic and so they deserve the truth and the ability to build their knowledge base as time progresses. For example, we are now talking about the percentage of vaccines that are taken up as being significant to when and where we can open up our cities. The conversation keeps shifting and so too should the information and conversations we have with our children. Of course, we deliver the information in an age-appropriate way and as frequently as is needed.

 I believe it is also important to be clear with your child how your family is responding to the lockdowns etc. For example, talk to them about how you shop, what precautions you take and how far you travel. These practical aspects are still to be understood by the child. The clearer they are about how their family operates under the pandemic, the safer they feel in the presence of their reliable family.

 Your family has an immense responsibility during this pandemic of not just keeping your child safe from physical harm, but also from longer-term mental harm. The more secure, predictable and reassuring you are as a parent, the better the mental health for the child in the longer term.

Family is your most reliable source of support in any situation because love from your family is unconditional.
— Auliq Ice

Dealing with the put downs

Nobody likes being put down. Children especially can begin to see putdowns as something they deserve or an indication that they are not worthy to be given credibility. No matter how we avoid them they often come our way, subtly or more directly.

If a child takes an aggressive response to the put down, the problem can quickly escalate. When the child responds by passively giving in and not responding, they can build resentment and this behaviour does not stop the put downs from coming their way. The best response is for a child to be assertive, expressing themselves in a way that clearly tells the offender that their behaviour was unacceptable. This assertive way of responding does not put the other person down which further shows maturity on the part of the child being put down.

The best way to be assertive is to state it clearly.

“I am upset that you speak that way. I find it offensive.”

“I am disappointed in your words. They are quite hurtful.”

“I don’t like the way you talk to me. It’s quite inappropriate.”

These responses are about informing the offender that their words are offensive.  In no way does it seek retribution, but it puts the offender on notice that their words were not to be tolerated.

It is also about looking the offender in the eye, being clear in your speech and showing confidence in the way you calmly rebuff their accusations. This is about developing emotional maturity which helps the child respond in ways that give them a sense of being in control. As the parent you can help your child show assertiveness by the following:

  • Give the example of being assertive yourself when you feel spoken to or treated poorly.

  • Teach your child to use the “I” statement. Get them to practise them….

“I am disappointed when…”

“I am unhappy when…”

“I do not like your behaviour when…”

Once the child becomes familiar with using this language, they have a quick and effective way of responding to the person putting them down. The more they use it, the stronger they feel.

  • Discuss times when you used assertive approaches in your life and how you felt afterwards.

  • From time to time tap in with them in relation to how they feel about themselves when others speak poorly to them. Sometimes frequent and subtle put downs can build up considerable feelings of being bullied. Ignoring put downs can also encourage the offender to keep on with the attack.

In a classroom, it is common practice that teachers will role model how to be assertive and encourage children to use language that works. Whilst still taking responsibility when they see a child bullying another, they will still teach the offended child to be assertive to prevent future attacks and to recognise when words used are unacceptable.

The teacher will also instruct the child using an “I” statement to state clearly the reasons for the upset.

 “I am angry when you laugh at my new glasses.”

  “I feel very upset when you laugh at my stutter.”

Teachers will also encourage children to recognise when a put down is unacceptable. Accepting and tolerating put downs requires a maturity to determine the intent.

However, should put downs become unmanageable then adult intervention should take place. Take care to know when this is necessary as prolonged and unmanaged putdowns can turn into severe bullying.

Finally, you the parent through your own experiences can model when a put down is not acceptable. Your understanding of your child’s sensitivity and emotional maturity should give you the guidance to teach them how to be assertive and in control at any age.

Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.
— Stephen Covey

How to deal with outbursts of anger.

Let’s consider the age of the child for this matter. Younger children when they have fits of rage are often expressing disappointments etc. with very little language and so, to them, having a full-on outburst is their way of sending out very loud messages that their needs are not being met. When such an outburst occurs and it is a high one, there is little you can do at the time, other than keep the child safe and wait! Sounds useless but once a child is in an uncontrollable state no logic, nor reasonable conversation will be heard. The child is simply zoned out. Their emotions have taken over and they are not capable of responding to your pleas. When they have calmed down and you feel that they are more in control, than that is the time to simply say:

‘You have been so upset; something is making you feel that way.’

Gentle conversation and listening to their concerns are now the best time to discuss what happened. Keep in mind with some children, they may not fully understand how unsettled they became during the crisis and they may need some emotional chill out time to really calm down. Common practice at school when a child was out of control was to keep them safe in a room and simply wait until they calmed down. Teachers know that high order emotions are not a time to discuss problems.

When older children have an outburst of anger, care must be taken to ensure they are safe. This is always the first priority. Once again whilst they are in a severely distressed state, there is little you can do, except be patient. Offer no criticism, just reassuring words. Accept that this is not a time to talk about the problem. Allow time for the child to calm down and take care even then about discussing the matter at hand. Some parents may choose to say:

‘Something has really upset you and when you feel ready, I would like to talk to you about it.’

Remember the following important points when there are serious outbursts of anger.

  • Time out to calm down is the best and most effective response.

  • When you talk to your child later about the outburst, keep in mind that they may not actually think the outburst was such a problem. When you are out of control, you are not aware on what is disturbed and unsettled around you.

  • You may be quite upset about the outburst. You may also be angry that the outburst was such a disturbance. Take care not to be carrying any of this hostility around when talking about the outburst. Choose your time well.

  • Once the outburst is over, you may find your child quite tired as a lot of energy goes into these outbursts. Be prepared to allow some time for your child to mentally rest from the experience.

  • An outburst, depending on the age of the child, can be about a little matter, but it could also be about a matter that they simply cannot resolve any other way. When talking about the outburst, take care not to understate the importance to the child.

  • Often with young children, they cannot express themselves well. Their language and ability to process thoughts are limited and so the outburst is one way of drawing attention to themselves. Take care not to be too disciplinarian about the outburst as it is for them a means of expressing themselves. Older children, who use outbursts, are more a concern as generally, they choose to be emotional in a public way, rather than use language and other means to help them. Such children need careful support to strengthen their ability to communicate their messages better.

  • Keep in mind that if you demonstrate in your own life that outbursts are your way of coping with stress, you are telling your child that this behaviour is acceptable.

Above all, keep in mind that outbursts are about sending us a message of being unhappy. Our parental job is to gently decipher the problem after the outbursts have passed when we observe that the child is in a better space to listen. This of course may be more about their time rather than ours. Patience is needed.

The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving ways.
— ~

“Lockdown again,” I hear you say.

I wish there was an easy response to how best to support children and families during lockdown but nonetheless, let’s have a try.

Lockdown is in itself a down word. Why not, ‘recovery time’ or ‘time out’. Whatever the name, the feeling of being in lockdown, oh sorry, ‘time out’ can be a real down feeling for all concerned in the family. The following thoughts are to remind us again of some positive thinking in this time when we feel so deprived on so many levels.

  • The lockdown is to protect the lives of people. We live in a society where at all cost, people’s lives are given the highest priority. Our society values people.

  • We are really needing to remember the common good. For example, by wearing masks you are looking after other people as well as yourself. By using the QR system you are providing information that can lead to early detection of the virus and fewer people spreading the disease.

  • There is not much joy left in online school work but in the longer term, more than any other time we can remember, you the parent will have plenty of personal time with your child. This can have an amazing impact on building deeper, lasting relationships with your child. When working across a busy week of school etc, your quality time with your child is greatly diminished.

  • Have you noticed that your conversations with your child are broader and that you are both looking for joint activities to do more than ever before? This must be continuing to build a lasting, memorable relationship with your child.

  • Have you noticed new and interesting things about your child? Having more time together gives you more time to simply notice the joy of your growing child.

  • Of course, as the lockdown increases and changes, as the parent, you need to give further explanations about the shifting nature of the virus. Your information here should be clear and age-appropriate.

  • This is such a wonderful time to talk together about a serious matter that needs mature handling on the part of the parent. It challenges us to recognise the importance of giving accurate information and also building hope into the conversation. This is such an important time for sound parenting, as the child looks to you for mature family leadership, reassurance and support. Often much of our parenting is done on the run. With the issue of the pandemic so prevalent in our lives, how you handle it around your child will have a major impact on their understandings later in life.

  • Difficult as it may be, bringing some warmth and humour into the day can make an amazing difference to everyone’s disposition.

  • Keeping up with the smiles, having jokes, exercising together and talking as a family in a happy and relaxed way on a regular basis can lighten the spirit.

We must accept finite disappointments but we must not lose infinite hope.
— Martin Luther King Jr.

Getting back to routine after lockdown

Tricky times requires creative thinking and for our children going back to school is a relief as well as creating some anxiety about yet again fitting in to school. There is no doubt the times are challenging and our children will look back on this period with some trepidation and for them, it is a new norm.

This article is a simple one. It is all about helping your child be comfortable and adjust to the “not so routine” of life and school. They are living with the ever-threatening idea of yet another lockdown and this must cause some trepidation as they attempt to go back to school and fit into the school plan.

 Consider the following thoughts.

  • Be flexible. Everything is changing including the teacher’s expectations with the children. Accept that difference is part of the new norm.

  • The permanency for your child is the stability of the family. Your constant presence in their life is a powerful support for them in today’s climate. Try to ensure that routines, schedules etc. are in place again. This creates some safe reassurance for the child.

  • Check in with your child’s social life. Are they happily engaging with their friends or are they somewhat reticent to reignite friendships? Chat to your child’s teacher if this is a problem. Children can easily feel unsettled with friends after such intermittent breaks from school.

  • Ensure your child has a balanced amount of sleep and recreation across the week. They certainly need to set up a balance that will be consistent across the week and feel reassured that the routine will be part of their norm.

  • School holidays will soon be starting. Given the isolated, online work they have just had, start planning this time with your child. This should be a productive time and one that gives your child joy, physical opportunities, some adventure and quiet time.

  • Keep the conversation flowing with regard to all the progress being made with vaccines etc. Our children need to understand the times they are living through. Their understanding may carry with it some anxiety but it should be filled with accurate knowledge on the management of the virus. Of course, the information to be given must be age-appropriate.

Finally, children thrive on being happy and having a sense of hope and optimism in their world. For this to be achievable they rely on you, the parent. Keeping the focus for the future on a positive note is such an important part of the parent’s work in today’s climate where unpredictability thrives and their foundational years can be shaken. You are the rock upon which the foundation is built.

It’s not simply the learning..
It’s the stability. Stability is essential in the lives of children.
—   Pedro Noguera

  

8 quick tips to keep the mood positive in these tricky times

With the lockdown yet again comes some very low, unsettling feelings for some families. Here are some quick tips to keep a positive momentum happening at home in the long days.

  • Be positive. Talk to your child about the life-saving measures of lockdown including the fact that our government is putting our safety ahead of all other matters. This is an important part of a humane society. Try to keep the political discussion out of it.

  • Talk about the amazing speed of vaccine development. It has happened so quickly and very skilled scientists are working around the clock to improve our health and to find solutions quickly.

  • Talk about contact tracing and how measures are put in place to locate people exposed to the virus. The organisation in this exercise is immense.

  • Keep the work online in proportion to the day’s events. Too much online school activities can make for being alone and unhappy. It is hard to feel successful while working online with school activities.  Build in sport or some other recreation and spontaneous laughter during the day. After all, this is a quality time to be with the family, where there is the least interference.

  • Give your child updated information, age-appropriate of course. With all the negative and unsettling news, children need the truth about the state of the coronavirus outbreak.

  • Keep them away from unsettling newspapers that focus on dramatic headlines that are questionable in truth. This is not a time for whipping up more anxiety.

  • Build a few happy, surprise treats into the day. A little bit of extra sugar won’t hurt but can lift the spirits across the days. We are in unique times and we just need to be creative in the way we engage with our family. We need to be more flexible and use our initiative to break the tension that builds.

  • Whilst I am always arguing about monitoring the use of technology in the hands of children, now is an important time for them to be in touch with their friends. Talking to friendship groups is comforting and reassuring for children.

Finally, keep in mind that your children will look back on these extreme times and appreciate how you managed their journey through the pandemic and most especially, the lockdowns etc. Being present for them, conscious to keep a happy momentum, informing accurately and capitalising on quality time together is the answer to managing these difficult times.

Laughter is a tranquiller with no side effects.
— Author unknown

Another lockdown and more home schooling. How important is it?

Let’s take some pressure off ourselves and look at this lockdown week. Schools are busy writing reports, and summating work etc. Their focus is very much on these midyear reports for which teachers are so accountable. Given their work overload, I would be surprised if work set online would have high expectations as the teachers have limited time to plan for these online activities.

This week I would be encouraging the children to fulfil the teacher’s requirements, but also concentrate more on keeping up the reading and working on progressive projects etc.

This is also a week for once again capitalising on time together. In the early days of winter just get outside, bike ride, walk, jog, play games etc; that will take the focus of yet another lockdown away from everyone’s minds.

 We certainly can get caught up with negative rhetoric that is around but by focussing on some positive experiences together as a family especially engaging in happy physical activities, the time will slip away.

There are some important conversations worth having with children as we enter a time of more anxiety around the pandemic.

Consider:

There are some important conversations worth having with children as we enter a time of more anxiety around the pandemic.

There are some important conversations worth having with children as we enter a time of more anxiety around the pandemic.

  • Keeping up to date with the current situation. Discuss this with your child and make the conversation age-appropriate. Keep the information simple to grasp and invite your child to ask questions that may be troubling them.

  • Many newspapers present very distressing news items. It seems they are all about the blame game and sadly remind us of the worst of the situation. Be careful about what printed material is in front of children. Disturbing headings can build anxiety. Keep to the facts. Control the accurate facts around the children.

  • Talk about the incredible and speedy breakthroughs we are having with vaccines. This is a wonderful conversation about how science is such a gift to humanity. It is also showing the amazing ingenuity of the human race. This is a great time to learn about other scientists and their amazing breakthroughs in science.

  • Keep an eye out for the information sent home from school. The staff are struggling through these difficult times and will want to offer the best to their children. Do not compare how different schools are responding to the lockdown. All school environments have their own approach to working through issues and especially now they need your support and reassurance.

  • Keep in mind that we are living through very different times and our societal responses to the changing virus are never planned in and for the long term. It is all about short term responses to changing virus conditions.

We are teaching our children to be resilient and tolerant of change that will help everyone. This is a new phenomenon and it is all about empathy and the Common Good. This is a great time to talk about the importance of the Common Good. This is a big challenge for those that focus on the Me generation.

Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much.
— Helen Keller

A few thoughts on school in the month of May

Hopefully, a routine is now well underway. Children should be very familiar with their teacher and class. Homework processes should be well established and weekly patterns with sport afterschool etc. well entrenched in the family’s life.

There are always changes and challenges in a classroom, not the least of which is the social exchanges that happen between children. This is worth checking in on from time to time. Talk to your child and when in doubt the teacher will have the wisdom and knowledge to know about any incident.

Here are some thoughts to keep the school and home life churning away comfortably in partnership:

  • Frequently talk to your child about the progress of school. Tuning into school discussion is a way of showing ongoing interest even in the ordinary times.

  • Keep an eye on homework patterns and remember if the homework is a struggle talk to the teacher, do not resolve it at home. There are many theories about the value or not of homework. It certainly should not be causing family disruption when the child isn’t coping. It is not the role of the parent to take over homework. The ownership belongs to the school.

  • Attend school information nights or class visits when invited. It is so important to keep up the momentum with your child, that school is important and the information they give out is valuable. Your presence at the school means so much to your child.

  • Keep an eye on the sleep your child gets during school weeks. As the term progresses, winter creeps in, children can be prone to sickness and fatigue.

  • Is your child coping with the amount of afterschool activities? This should be looked at in light of their capacity in coping with school, homework etc. More activities do not make for a richer experience. It is all about finding the right balance.

  • Talk about your child’s friends. Be interested in them. It is most important to a child that their friendships are valued by the family. They rely so much on them for social and emotional support. Your approval adds to their sense of satisfaction.

  • Read the school newsletter around the family. This is an excellent way to keep in touch and discuss with your child the various aspects of the life of the school.

  • Use your fridge as a way of talking about school. Put notices on the fridge, refer to them often.

  • Younger students, especially those in the foundation years get school fatigue after a few weeks at school during the term. Keep an eye on this and certainly, keep them home if they need a small break. Best that they are at school happy and learning rather than developing a sense of sadness and tiredness.  Of course, negotiation with your teacher is most important here.

During the school term, it is important to ensure that the life of the school which is such a focus for your child is given high priority in the family.  It should not be competing with family demands. This is comforting to your child when they feel that what happens in the day does not stay in the day, it can be discussed happily at night. We want our children to sense a strong interconnection between school and home. They need to see that the learning and life experiences they gain at school which are wide and variable have a real place in the life of the family.

At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.
— Jane D Hull

Positive talk with your child around the Naplan

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

If your child is sitting the Naplan test then I recommend approaching the situation in a positive way and give your child the reassurance they need that Naplan, in the scheme of things has little relevance.

 Consider:

  • Talk to your child about all that you have learnt about them through the teacher.

  • Remind them that your teacher is the best person to tell you how you are progressing at school. Remind your child that education, learning is about building up knowledge. It is not about picking out a special test to compare you to a larger cohort of children.

  • If you feel that your child is anxious about the test arrange a parent-teacher interview with your child to give the child reassurance about their ability to learn.

  • Also remind your child that the teacher does regular testing which is accurate as it is cumulative and that is what you learn about progress.

  • Once you obtain the Naplan results ensure that you talk positively about your child’s progress and offer positive reassuring words about the value of all the education across the year.

  • Talk to your child about your views on Naplan. If you are of a similar mind and question its value as an educational tool, discuss this with your child. It can take the pressure of the test putting things into a better perspective.

  • Remind your child that it is one test in one day. How relevant is that in the schema of life?

  • Talk generally about testing done at school. Reminding your child that its primary purpose is to guide teachers in their planning. Well planned teachers teach very well. Their results are more accurate as they are cumulative and above all they know your child!

  • Try to avoid talking negatively about Naplan issues, media, news etc. as children still talk to each other and build anxiety from what they hear around them.

  • Talk to your teacher about how Naplan is distributed and administered. Talking to your child about these practical issues can reduce anxiety on the day.

  • Children need to know that you value their journey of learning which is long, extensive and variable. Reminding them of this decreases the relevance of a standardised test once a year.

The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs one step at a time.
— Joe Girard


Let’s look at Naplan or is it Noplan?

The purpose of the Naplan testing was always about the Government gaining data that they could use in planning for educational improvements. Whilst there have been many theories and beliefs in the latter years about why Naplan, the question now is whether it has relevance in helping your child in their learning?

There are many questionable factors that have made the overall data to some degree invalid and worthless. For example, some schools may teach to the test, thereby disadvantaging those children who are not specifically working towards the test. Of course, the question is also whether more independent schools will approach the test with rigour to ensure the best results for the school. Also, what if your child was unwell the day of the test. How relevant are the results?

What are your thoughts on Naplan?

What are your thoughts on Naplan?

Consider that teachers will teach the curriculum in different ways across a year. What if they have not as yet taught what was on the test? Does this discriminate against your child?

Does my child feel the anxiety of these very formal tests at a young age?

Certainly, in my experience, there was a good percentage of children who felt the pressure. They would be anxious about their results being interpreted in the light of everyone else in the state. Also, consider the disruption to teaching and to teachers as they prepare and organise the children to sit the tests. Do the test results reflect their teaching? And so, the general concerns go on.

 A big factor in this discussion is that if this is about the results of the individual child, we need to remember that teachers are testing constantly. It is a normal part of their work. They already have a collection of data in a range of areas that reflect the child’s progress. Therefore, does the Naplan guide their teaching? I believe not!

In today’s world of increasing anxiety in children, not the least of which has been the pandemic disruptions and related worries, why do we need a standardised test? Simply ask your child’s teacher to show their results which are cumulative, given under less stressful conditions and a normal part of a teacher’s week. The teachers know your child. A standardised test does not tell you much about your child.

I encourage the debate about the relevance of Naplan and recognise that the best evaluation of your child’s progress comes directly from the classroom teacher.

 After all, we do not want:

  • Increased anxiety in our children about their performance in a standardised test.

  • Developing competition between schools.

  • The building up of pressure in teachers and compromising how they teach to suit a test.

Educating children is a broad and complex issue. It should be built around developing their strengths and not dotting in bold their weaknesses. How can we educate if we are constrained to such limitations as a standardised test?

Whatever an education is, it should make you a unique individual not a conformist.
— -John Taylor Gatto

Can we slow down and smell the roses?

We live in a world that is so busy constantly. In fact, I will be bold enough to say that we worship speed and value being inundated with information all the time. Social media, our mobiles etc. are all about using technology to speed up information and to be constantly informed.

Our children live in such a world and teachers spend much of their time keeping pace with the pressure of teaching, and at the same time trying to get children to value a slower pace.

Worshipping speed and the overload of information that it can give does not lead to thinking through a balanced understanding of issues.

However, our children are born into the notion that speed and amount of information measures knowledge.

There are many advantages in teaching your child the advantage of slowing down

There are many advantages in teaching your child the advantage of slowing down

There are many advantages in teaching your child the advantage of slowing down. Firstly, it invites them to process the information gently and it highlights the importance of ensuring that the information so gained is not destroyed by the overload of extra information that comes in so quickly.

Teachers recognise that simply gaining more information fast does not necessarily teach a child anymore. They recognise and value the importance of processing information carefully and with attention to detail.

 The following thoughts help us support our children who are overly exposed to information:

  • When a child uses internet to gather information, take time with them to decipher what is real and not so real in evaluating information.

  • Engage in activities with your child that are single based. This means simply enjoy bike rides or ice creams together. Enjoyment does not need to be any more complicated.

  • When you choose family holidays, choose holidays that are not overcomplicated. Do you find for example too many visitors interrupt such simple time with family? Is it necessary to plan holidays that are entertaining every single day?

  • Activities such as sitting together and working on a cross word puzzle are excellent opportunities to simply stay focussed together on one activity for a prolonged period.

  • Teach your child that overstimulation can lead to fatigue and does not give clarity.

  • Demonstrate by your own example how working slowly and carefully through issues is a better way to solve problems and feel successful in outcomes.

We simply teach our children that slowing down and taking time to achieve tasks has within it much reward. We smell the roses when we successfully feel satisfied in our strong and steady achievements.


Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.
— Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

How focussed are we on being on time?

Do we live by the clock? Does it give us a sense of security so that we feel we can achieve everything we set out to do?

Take care not to measure everything by the clock. If we tend to be too focussed on being on time, monitoring our actions by time and feeling that if we are watching the clock, we will not operate in a much more efficient and successful way.

A problem can develop when we are preoccupied with time. We miss the little things that are so important especially with children. Their spontaneity can sometimes slow us down but is that such a bad thing? To stop and take the time to savour the special unpredictable moments with your child are more powerful than simply being focussed on the time and getting it right.

Are you so preoccupied with being on time that the stress in the family house goes up several notches?

Are you so preoccupied with being on time that the stress in the family house goes up several notches?

Teachers are compulsive planners who know that their time is precious and that they have a set requirement of work to complete in a specific time. However, despite their preoccupation with time and awareness of its importance in their work, they still will stop the lesson. With the children, they will savour those special moments in the classroom that enrich the day and the experiences. Such awareness of the spontaneous precious moments that can happen at any time are important for refreshing the day. They are all about deeper more meaningful contact with people. They can also be instrumental in changing plans and directions for the day. Teachers realise that listening and redirecting actions can enable a classroom to flow more smoothly and more productively.

 Consider:

  • Can you listen to the small things that happen around you with your child?

  • Are you so preoccupied with being on time that the stress in the family house goes up several notches? Can you relax a little in this area?

  • Can we plant in our mind the realisation that we put the value of our children over time and the things that must be done?

  • Think about how preoccupied you are about time. Can you make some adjustments and still feel that can manage the situation?

Those precious moments we capture on camera with our children can sometimes be missed when we become too preoccupied with time.

Take care of the minutes and the hours will take care of themselves.
— Earl of Chesterfield.


Faults! We all have them.

Do we sometimes focus too much on the faults that we see around us? Children by nature of being children are frequently making mistakes from practical matters through to their fragile emotional growth. I say all hail faults! Have often do you hear your child say:

“It’s not my fault.” At an early age, a child struggles to own a fault.

The key here is to focus more on virtues and gifts that we see present in our children. We certainly teach our children to manage faults and we do this in a gentle and caring way. We teach them to manage their faults and we praise their efforts when they show improvement.

Now that school has resumed children are exposed to various learning situations that will challenge them both inside the classroom and outside. They begin to recognise through the support of teachers, that making mistakes is acceptable and that we learn to strengthen the fault line by practice, effort and determination. Their world in school will be a daily exercise of managing success and checking in when faults occur. Our job as parents is to support them by accepting that we all make mistakes and have faults that can be worked on with support and encouragement. Let us take out the negative undertone of the word, “fault” and see it as an opportunity to grow. I am inclined to replace the word with “mistakes”.

Consider the following thoughts:

  • Are you a person who tends to notice faults before you notice the best of the person? If this is the case keep reminding yourself that focussing on faults only exacerbates one’s feeling of failure or disappointment in someone else.  It is not difficult to develop a negative mindset about someone if you just focus on their faults.

  • Talk about how you have been working on yourself to improve in some area. Perhaps your fault is never being on time. Talk to your child about what you are doing to improve in this area. It’s important to show the child that naming the fault is the first job in taking control. Once named it puts things into perspective.

  • When your child talks about how they are struggling to succeed in an area, talk about the times you have seen improvement. Build on the positive times when you did see improvement.

“I can see you are struggling with maths. I remember how you mastered the times tables last year. That was a great success”.

  • Remind your child that we all have faults. It’s part of the human condition. Many of our great achievers over time struggled with faults and worked hard by taking risks and working on improvement.

It’s all about developing the best disposition and owning those faulty areas in which improvement can take place if you so wish to work on them.

I think people who have faults are a lot more interesting than people who are perfect.
— Spike Lee
The Primary Years. Faults.

Sometimes it’s best to just go with the flow

Sometimes it is not possible to be reactive to a situation that is unsettling or perhaps able to control things well. This is life. There are far too many unknowns on a day to day basis. Perhaps even minute to minute basis. At the moment with CoVid still present and appearing in different forms, we need to go with the flow a little more as it ebbs and changes around our community. The more we think it is under control, the more we will be frustrated as rules and health recommendations change.

Good modelling for the child is that they recognise in their family that sometimes we can ebb and flow when pressure builds up. Allowing some flexibility and breathing space in tricky situations allows time to sometimes solve the problem or at least reduce the tension. 

Teachers are very aware that sometimes it is simply best to change directions and just go with the flow. This is a saving grace when pressure builds in a classroom. Also, it is worth remembering to be a little fluid can prevent major storms. Avoiding a major storm means that there is less damage control and damaged relationships. Teachers will also measure success not by major achievements but by avoiding obstacles that can slow down and hinder their overall work. This can also be called wisdom.

Go with the flow with The Primary Years

 A few tips:

  • Read the signs. If pressure is building can I just change directions and accept how things work out? Am I able to accept the fluid directions that can sometimes lead to a surprise outcome?

  • Am I able to understand that life may not always give us exactly what we planned?

  • Watch your expectations. If you set very high expectations it can be more difficult to slow down and just go with the flow.

  • When you have decided to go with the flow, talk to your child as to why you think this is the better option. Demonstrating that you are flexible when necessary is a positive trait.

  • Do you know successful people that are spontaneous in slowing down and redirecting actions when needed? Talk about their gifts and how this works for that person.

Sometimes fighting and seeking to fly away from the problem can lead to considerable stress. The more we try to control, the more tension and failure can easily be set up. Best to use a wise head and allow some flow into your life. It can also be a joy experimenting with a more fluid disposition.

It is better for children to develop discernment and learn when and how to go with the flow to suit the occasion. Building on such early wisdom can only strengthen their emotional maturity.

f you can’t fight and you can’t flee-flow’
— Robert Eliot

Early days back at school

The good news is that school is finally back in action. We need to understand that children will still be feeling slightly uneasy given the recent past and the current news and the discussions about vaccinations. Questions are still being asked about the suitability of the injection for different age groups, its effectiveness, new strains of the pandemic etc. Recently, I have heard parents concerned about their children talking about dying. I wonder if all the vulnerable scenarios that have occurred and background news of deaths from coronavirus have made some children anxious about the fragility of life.

Is your child nervous about returning to school post covid?

Is your child nervous about returning to school post covid?

Here are some suggestions to keep the dialogue going with your child:

  • If you listen to the news check in with your child that they understand details accurately and the information is suitable for their age.

  • Talk about the positives such as the injection, scientists’ skills in combatting the virus, the wonderful support of people looking after the sick etc. There is definitely the element of hope in all that is being done to combat the virus. Children need to understand the wonderful endurance and science that leads to cures.

  • Tap in with what the school is doing to educate the children in managing the virus at school. This is a great topic for all to discuss in the family. This is where home and school can support each other so well.

  • There are some wonderful books on scientists who have developed cures in medicine over the years. This is a great time to read life-giving stories of scientists such as Madam Curie etc. These people are real heroes in finding cures and creating medicines that are so effective in reducing pain and suffering. The more our children think about the great stamina and intellect that such people showed, the more we highlight the determination of the human spirit.

  • The routine of school will be an excellent way to bring normality and stability into the child’s life. Are there family disruptions that destabilise this routine?  If possible, keep life consistent and predictable throughout the school term. Ensure you inform your child well about any changes.

Remember that your child is living through the pandemic. Their longer-term memories will be very much about how we felt and how we managed ourselves. I am sure they will be looking back and reflecting on how the family operated throughout this time. Keep life a little simpler. Let school be a positive part of your life as it can be such a powerful influence at this time for your child. Schools are stable environments where reliable and trusting people deliver learning. It is a place of friendship and comfort for your child. Embrace it with them.

         

First days of school for your prep child

What an adventure this is for all the family. Here are some tips on making the early days a success for all.

  • Your child will be full of excitement and anticipation. This can sometimes go pear-shaped and turn into distress unless handled well. Keep in mind that you need to be physically close to your child as you enter school. This is comforting for them.

  • ·Talk about some happy things you notice such as the school play equipment, coloured seats etc. Here you are filling their thoughts that this is a good place to be. You certainly approve!

  • Go in the class with your child and make sure they are comfortably seated. Quickly space will fill and it will become a noisy place of children, parents, extended families etc. all competing for a space near their child. Here you talk calmly and stay with them but leave quickly when told. Finish your conversation with something like:

“I’ll meet you over there. I love you.”

  • Tell them exactly where you will meet them. In fact, go to the place that you will meet them after school. Honouring this by being on time is very important to the child.

  • Show them the lunch you packed. Let them help and put in some treats. Afterall school should be a happy place with warm memories. Also, put in a smiley picture in the lunchbox. This is such a treat when they spot it at lunchtime.

  • When they leave the classroom after school just let them talk and you be the great listener with much excitement in your voice about what your child has discovered in the day. Don’t be questioning too much, just let them talk.

  • For several days keep the same routine up. The teachers will guide the parents as to how and when they want parents present in the room.

  • Remember that school consumes much of their week now and this will require some family adjustment to cope with tears, tiredness, insecurities etc. that will appear in the first few weeks. It is quite common that when the shine comes off the new aspect of school, the child begins to reflect on what they are missing at home. They then begin to feel remorseful being away from family. This is especially the case when there are younger siblings at home.

  • Encourage independence as the days progress. They can help you plan their clothes for the new school day, organise school bag and lunch. Take it slowly but indicate that growing independence is all part of being a real school student.

  • Always be on time to collect your child and make certain that if there are new arrangements for the pickup, your child must have a full grasp of this information. Home time can be a busy and unsettling time for some children as they anxiously wait to be collected.

  • If this is not your first child in prep, remember that for them it is still a unique time in their life and attention should be given to their special settling in time. Sometimes because the family are familiar with school, there can be a tendency to think that your latest prep will settle much faster. Surprisingly this may not be the case.

  • Label all items of clothing, lunch boxes etc. This is important so that your child feels secure and there is less anxiety when these items are lost. Little disturbance such as misplaced water bottles can be unsettling situations for the child.

Everyone in the family loves their prep child. They are the centre of attention. They will succeed and prosper. Extended family such as grandparents all become intensely interested in the joy of their grandchild starting school. Sometimes these expectations can be overwhelming for the child especially if they are feeling sad and have moments of wanting to be home. Keep an eye on how they are feeling on all fronts. Remember we cannot set expectations for them other than they settle well and begin to enjoy the school scene.

Ultimately, we want the child to begin loving the journey of school on many fronts.

This is the beginning of anything you want.
— Author Unknown
First day jitters can last a little while.

First day jitters can last a little while.