When a child feels overwhelmed by too much information, they simply shut down as a defence. Children can become just as overwhelmed as adults. Read here on some strategies to help avoid anxiety in your children.
Read MoreParenting come with a sense of being cautious and protecting your child. Be less afraid of taking a risk and letting in some positive thoughts.
Read MoreBy nature of being a parent you are invited to present such fine qualities as credibility and trust to your child. Never underestimate that such an opportunity is also all about developing yourself as a fully rounded, emotionally intelligent person. Like it or not parenting forces us to grow up!
Read MoreDowntime with the family is a vital time to replenish the family spirit, refresh relationships and simply enjoy each other’s company.
Read MoreI have learnt some precious realities in watching mums raise a family, live with it and through it, suffer all the hardships, carry the weak moments and rise above the troubled spots. Now that’s being a mum!
Read MoreWhat do our children really think about us? Are they aware of all our efforts? Do they remember the little details and the extra efforts we make over the years? What is their level of appreciation of us the parents?
Read MoreNo easy task for parents who want to teach their children how to enjoy what they have rather than seeking out the next improved item. Read here for some examples of how to teach children to value what they have.
Read MoreAs parents, we simply don’t have all the answers. Just when we think we are on top of matters, our child surprises us with new challenges. It is mentally healthy to recognise that seeking help is an excellent response when needed.
Read More‘It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognise, accept and celebrate those differences.’ -Audre Lorde
There is much to be learnt when a child starts school. Their emotional and social growth is all the richer for embracing the wonderfully rich tapestry of different families across the years.
Read MoreFamily situations change through separation and divorce and children will feel this. The key point is to provide ongoing love, understanding, reassurance and stability in difficult times. Try to remember that whilst you are going through a personal crisis, there is no avoiding that your child will be experiencing emotionally charged times. Accept that you will need support and so to your child. Rely on family support and networks that will minimise some of the impacts.
Read MoreHow often do we reward our children in spontaneous ways? Do we notice the various spontaneous occasions that can be rewarded and often through different ways?
Never underestimate the value of the positive words you use with your children. There is a clever way of getting even smarter with words and that is by picking up on spontaneous positive moments you notice.
Read MoreEach child brings something different to the family. Each child is an individual and should be parented as an individual. Here are some thoughts on the matter from Gail Smith, The Primary Years.
Read MoreAs children grow older, you may find it better to avoid confrontations and find different ways to amend the situation. This is easier said than done sometimes. Here is some advice from Gail Smith, The Primary Years.
Read MoreEverybody has rights in a family. No one is excluded from having rights, no matter what age or disposition. When we reflect more deeply on this, it can help us put things into perspective. Often, we can be overwhelmed by our role as parents and unsure about our rights in that role. We can sometimes wonder about the vulnerability of our children and what part we play in making them secure.
Read MoreGo with the flow! If we remain rigid in how we organise our lives, we will only experience disappointment and this will add to diminishing your mental health.
Read MoreAs we enter the last phase of our summer holidays, I imagine there are many thoughts going through our minds about starting up again in 2022. What will this look like we wonder? How can I give hope and joy to my children when there is still so much around that is a cause of anxiety? Read on for some tips to consider. Gail Smith, Author, The Primary Years.
Read MoreHolidays give us such opportunities to enjoy our family in a whole new way. If we can reflect on what worked so well in our family, is it possible to bring some of that holiday feeling into your daily routine when life goes back to normal? Can we see that holiday experience as part of the way we really want to live all the time?
Read MoreIn today's world, we tend to worry and feel the stress of everything occurring around us. Children quickly pick up our emotional dispositions and this can induce their own form of worrying about us as a stable source of reliability. Read here for some thoughts that invite us to hold a positive, hopeful disposition that acts as a stable framework for our children. Gail Smith, The Primary Years.
Read MoreThis is a time of giving and there is so much advertising around the shops, television etc. that can cloud one’s thinking and destroy the balance of giving and receiving.
This is also a time to be teaching our children about the gift of generosity and the spirit of Christmas which is about giving of oneself generously.
Schools will be getting ready to close for the school year and will be farewelling their children, putting closure on their times together and reflecting on how this year has presented its challenges and opportunities. Certainly, a time for our own children to reflect on what they have learnt from yet another strange cycle of school life, lockdowns etc.
Despite all the ups and downs when we come around to Christmas it is an opportunity to demonstrate the value of giving, sharing and being inclusive in so many ways. In a strange way, having had such challenges personally this year, should teach our children the exceptional value of Christmas as it is all about simply coming together and connecting.
Consider the following thoughts that may help as we get closer to school closure and reflect on the message of Christmas.
Tap in with your child and ask how they are farewelling their class. Talk about being inclusive with parties and acknowledging everyone as Christmas is not “bah humbug” but about everyone.
Talk about Scrooge in the story of The Christmas Story. This character by nature of his mean attitude suffered loneliness as he was so self-centred and ended up lonely and isolated. This story just invites thoughts about those children in the class who are less included. The more we use opportunities to talk about inclusivity and wellbeing for all, the better we disperse the Christmas spirit. This year, particularly is a reminder about isolation and loneliness. Our children can now easily identify with that feeling after so much isolation in their own life.
Some families choose to connect to a well-recognised charity at Christmas time. This is a wonderful opportunity to talk about the charities that do such good work at Christmas time.
Check in with your child’s teacher to see if there are any unresolved issues that need discussion or follow up. Given the unusually short school term, some children may need special closure on different aspects of school. Never underestimate it is the same for all children.
In talking with your child about the school year, tap in to any anxiety that may be there about starting a new grade in 2022. Less school contact hours in the previous year can make some children anxious about being successful. They may feel concerned about beginning again after such an interrupted year. This particularly applies to those children who worry about being correct all the time. Think about how change effects your child.
As news evolves about shifting patterns with the Covid pandemic, ensure that you inform your children well about the status quo. They need frequent, accurate information that is age appropriate and always tempered with a sense of hope. You are their best source of being well informed and feeling safe.
Let’s see the approach of school closure and Christmas as an opportunity for families to plan, rest, recovery and renew a sense of hope and faith in our world that needs stability, reassurance and joy for our children. Families are a key factor in giving our children hope for their future. Christmas is a perfect time for families to take stock and renew that gift of hope.
“For it is in giving that we receive.”
St Francis of Assisi
Best to always avoid tricky situations than to dive into them unprepared. The consequences can be long, overcomplicated and perhaps could have been avoided with some proactive actions. As busy parents, who wants to deal with extra problems and find themselves in more complicated situations than is necessary? Being proactive requires some thought to foresee what is likely to happen and where possible go around the problem or divert the situation. When you know your child and how they respond to certain situations you are in the best position to be proactive.
Being proactive also has many benefits in building stronger, healthier relationships with your child.
By avoiding the little problems, you are less likely to have to deal with issues escalating to a new level. One problem can easily triple in a short time.
Better parenting is all about planning well and recognising the signs that can change a happy situation into a disaster in a flash.
It is healthier to be in a positive state with your child than to be regularly dealing with behavioural issues that can require discipline etc. In the first instance, they could have been avoided.
To be proactive, a parent looks for the best way to deal with some issue before it actually happens. This requires knowing your child and choosing occasions and times that work best for you. It may mean redirecting plans, reducing hostile conversations, noticing less trouble and generally looking for the positive in situations.
Be alert. Tired parents and children are not a good combination for avoiding conflict.
Put some family strategies in place that are proactive. For example, if your child is always running to find their bag for school, get them to put it near the door the night before. It is all about seeing a potential occasion where it can escalate making everyone unhappy.
Affirming your child is also a very proactive activity. The more they feel valued in doing the right thing, the greater possibility out will be repeated.
Be clear in your directions and make sure that your child heard your instructions before reacting. Sometimes busy times with poor listening can quickly escalate into problems when real listening has not occurred.
Look at the setup of your home. Are there places around the house that encourage sound relationships or are there obstacles that can cause tension such as computers in family spaces? For example, are bikes, toys etc. put in safe places that are accessible but not interfering with movement? Take a walk around the house, are there places and spaces that can be improved where a child will not break precious items, etc. The environment in the house should suit the age of your family.
Speak optimistically. This always suggests that there is no threat in your voice and that you are in no way upset. A child listens to their parents’ voices to get a measure of how they are valued. They are more likely to respond well and less reactive if feeling reassured.
Above all recognise that being a proactive person reduces tension, avoids unnecessary confrontation, builds stronger relationships and models to a child that working in a positive framework is a much more powerful and effective way of living happily and peacefully.
‘Being positive won’t guarantee you’ll succeed.
But being negative will guarantee you won’t.
-Jon Gordon