Laughter, a great stress buster

Do you know or remember people in your life as a child that were happy? Did they laugh a lot and were they smiling often? No surprise that people with a positive, happy disposition attract other people easily. In fact, laughing is absolutely contagious and can influence very quickly the culture of a group of people gathered.

In Japan I hear of laughing clubs where people come together regularly, simply to have a good hearty laugh. This is seen as stress-busting and releases all the positive endorphins into the bloodstream. It makes you feel good and less focussed on being around negative influences. People say that it is quite uplifting and the more they have, the more they want.

We all want to feel better and we certainly are easily drawn to positive people. Children are always hoping that when their teacher is allocated for the new year that they get the teacher who is fun and enjoys a good laugh. Learning can come with more ease when a child feels that they are with someone who does not judge but sees the best in them. Warm-hearted people are never seen as judgemental people.

Laughter is a fabulous stress buster!

Teachers also are very aware that they have higher productivity from the children when the classroom is operating on a happy, positive note.

By being in the bosom of a family that enjoys a good laugh, the child feels happy and the optimism carries over to so many areas of their life. Who wants to feel down when you can feel up more often.

Whist I appreciate that we cannot laugh all day, it is still important to build into your routine with children some positive happy times that simply bring joy to everyone. This gives them a positive feeling and keeps the blues at bay. It breeds optimism and hope.

 It is amazing how two people can see the same situation differently. One may see the glass half full, the other half empty.

 Give yourself permission to be a person that enjoys a good laugh every now and again.

 In working with children, it was sometimes possible to simply share a joke together. This was a wonderful icebreaker and set both child and Principal at ease.  Sometimes at the cost of forgetting the problem to be discussed!

 A few thoughts:

• If you are having a flat day try not to share too much of that with your child. If possible, come in on all the opportunities for a laugh together. This will lift your spirits as well.

• What about when the family shares a meal together. This is an excellent time to share a laugh. Ask the question:

‘Did anyone have something funny happen to them today?’

• Funny movies can bring much relaxation and humour to the family who shares it together.

• When your child tells you something funny that happened share in the laughter. Let your child know that you enjoy hearing the lighter side of their day.

Children are quite spontaneous with their humour. You can learn a lot from merely being around your child. Their joy and laughter is infectious. Above all, allow laugher into your life and it will flow onto your child very spontaneously.

“You don’t stop laughing because you grow older.
Your grow older because you stop laughing.”

— Maurice Chevalier

Early days back at school

The good news is that school is finally back in action. We need to understand that children will still be feeling slightly uneasy given the recent past and the current news and the discussions about vaccinations. Questions are still being asked about the suitability of the injection for different age groups, its effectiveness, new strains of the pandemic etc. Recently, I have heard parents concerned about their children talking about dying. I wonder if all the vulnerable scenarios that have occurred and background news of deaths from coronavirus have made some children anxious about the fragility of life.

Is your child nervous about returning to school post covid?

Here are some suggestions to keep the dialogue going with your child:

• If you listen to the news check in with your child that they understand details accurately and the information is suitable for their age.

• Talk about the positives such as the injection, scientists’ skills in combatting the virus, the wonderful support of people looking after the sick etc. There is definitely the element of hope in all that is being done to combat the virus. Children need to understand the wonderful endurance and science that leads to cures.

• Tap in with what the school is doing to educate the children in managing the virus at school. This is a great topic for all to discuss in the family. This is where home and school can support each other so well.

• There are some wonderful books on scientists who have developed cures in medicine over the years. This is a great time to read life-giving stories of scientists such as Madam Curie etc. These people are real heroes in finding cures and creating medicines that are so effective in reducing pain and suffering. The more our children think about the great stamina and intellect that such people showed, the more we highlight the determination of the human spirit.

• The routine of school will be an excellent way to bring normality and stability into the child’s life. Are there family disruptions that destabilise this routine?  If possible, keep life consistent and predictable throughout the school term. Ensure you inform your child well about any changes.

Remember that your child is living through the pandemic. Their longer-term memories will be very much about how we felt and how we managed ourselves. I am sure they will be looking back and reflecting on how the family operated throughout this time. Keep life a little simpler. Let school be a positive part of your life as it can be such a powerful influence at this time for your child. Schools are stable environments where reliable and trusting people deliver learning. It is a place of friendship and comfort for your child. Embrace it with them.

Keep the start of the year on a positive note

What a busy time for all as you prepare to pack away the Summer fun holiday items and get ready for the regularity of school. We can all get a little overwhelmed and irritable about getting back to routine especially given the unease of last year.

Your child will be mentally getting ready for school challenges and of course, will have in mind the journey of 2020. My advice here is to not get caught up in making the start of the school year too perfect. Let the child gently ease into the school and discover along the way what their new environment will offer. There may be school rules and discussion about hygiene etc. Your child needs to understand what the new norm is in the school and they will begin to adopt to changes and shifts in how the school may be operating.

Here are some thoughts about how to keep the beginning of the school year upbeat and optimistic.

• Talk positively about the new year. Discuss as a family something that you are all looking forward to in the near future. This could be some event that wasn’t possible last year.

• Listen well to what the child tells you about school and if there are changes talk about how you applaud the school’s effort to keep everyone safe and healthy.

• Check in with your child to make sure anxious gossip about health matters regarding CO-VID 19 is accurate and that your child is not anxious about what they hear around the schoolyard.

• If your child is not in prep and you are not in the habit of dropping them off, I recommend being with them before school a few times. This gives them extra reassurance and that reassurance helps at this stage of the year. Remember that there are still some residual anxieties around from last year.

• If your child is a little anxious about full-time school and missing you, show them on a calendar the school holidays and that there will be plenty of occasions to just be family once again. 

• For some children being home for so long last year was a comfort and they will need time to adjust to a regular school schedule. A day working online at home does not equate to a full active day at school.

• Talk positively about their friendships and encourage your child to be friendly to all class members. Take an in inclusive approach to the matter of friends. Often at the beginning of the year it can be divide and conquer with regard to establishing friendships in the class. The less confident child may take more time to establish friends or perhaps lose confidence in re-establishing themselves with friends.

• A great tool at this stage of the year is to set up a chat box in your child’s room. If they have anything, they want to talk about they can include this in the box. At special times probably bedtime together you can talk about these issues.

• If you are busy working, school can slip easily from your thoughts. Check their bags each night for notes and of course emails from teachers. An occasional email to the teacher to check-in is also a good idea.

 Above all, keep the term optimistic and affirm your child’s steady progress into the life of the school in 2021.

“Optimism. It’s not just a mind-set. It is behaviour.”

— Larry Elder

Back to school and living the new norm

What is that new norm? It is about living with Covid 19 present around us. It is also having a raised awareness of how the condition can influence our lives. We are still reeling from the difficult year we had in 2020. Now our children return to school and try to start afresh with a new teacher, new friendships, challenges on the yard etc. We all remember the time when so suddenly school was shut and children went online at home to study. No surprises that we have some residual grief about the losses and isolation we all had to endure.

With the above in mind, I recommend that parents consider the following thoughts for a year that, for our children, will be a new norm. The schools may have changed some rules to adjust with dealing with the pandemic and children are aware that washing hands, keeping a distance etc. are all new rules we are living around.

 Consider:

• When planning for term one, go easy. The children may take extra time to adjust to the new school year and term one is all about meeting and greeting, setting boundaries and establishing oneself in the classroom.

• Check in regularly with your child.

“This year has started well. How are you finding the new start?”

• Be in touch with the teacher to ensure that your child is starting well. Best to do this early rather than finding out after too many unsettling times have occurred for the child.

• Setting up a routine is important. Invite your child to help with the plan for that routine. Establish where they will do their homework and talk about the balance of activities across the week. Given the break they had last year, a whole term of afterschool activities across a week could be quite a task.

• Ensure that bedtime is regular. Given the recent holidays and the different patterns of last year, establishing routine bedtime could be difficult for some time.

• Talk occasionally as a family about the unique journey everyone had in the family last year. There may be some grief and disappointments that your child needs to talk about. Perhaps some anxiety about being away from you more often this year. Also, talk about the positive side to the home schooling and to your time together. It was, after all a unique year, unlikely to ever be repeated.

• It is also important to talk generally about the state of the pandemic and how we are managing ourselves. There will be the new issue of the vaccination and there will be much talk about this matter both in the media and amongst the community. Let your child know that keeping abreast of current information that is accurate is important.

• Are there aspects of last year that you wish to take up in 2021? Many families are already bemoaning the fact that they will have less quality time with their children. Plan to keep up some good habits you may have developed from last year when in isolation.

 We all go into this new year with the hope that it will be better for everyone. As a family, we have grown in so many ways being together so intimately. We have initiated new ways to entertain ourselves and just be family.  May the new year, bring with it recently acquired wisdom from 2020 and the hope that we go forward well prepared for 2021 and the new norm.

“Children will listen to you after they feel listened too.”

— Jane Nelsen

Back to school post covid

That strange sense of finishing school

Children will be feeling that strange sense of leaving school, disengaging with friends and getting mentally ready for Christmas and the New Year.

It seems such a rush. After all they have only been at school for such a short recovery time. However, this has been 2020 and for all in the family, change and shifting normalities are the norm.

What to do about it:

• Accept it! You can’t change what has been an extraordinary year for everyone. It still comes with its challenges of wearing masks in shops etc. Embrace it with the children.

• Keep the family talk up about the year and allow the children to freely talk about their challenges across that time. Do this in a positive, reassuring way.

• Understand that behaviour may be different with your child and tolerate a little more when it comes to changed behaviour.

• Keep up the play and allow your child to enjoy free time. Remember that COVID-19 normal was so different and the child is adjusting to getting back to routine. Perhaps with some trepidation of that change.

• Letting go of friends for the year can cause some distress as in some cases. Children may not have had great experiences when they briefly returned to school. Remember that after a whole year of school, children are in and out of friendships and build solid relationships. For some this takes lots of reassurance and time.

• Christmas should be a wonderful time just to gather and offer nurture and support to the children and the whole family. It may be a time of reconnection with more people for the first time. A time to heal and a time to rest from anxious 2020.

• As the child thinks and plans for Christmas and the New Year, it is a time when you can just talk about the growth and changes you have seen in your child over the year. Perhaps you have noticed their growing patience with younger siblings or their growing interest in cooking. Talk about the skills that have acquired in those difficult times. Focus on the skills and little successes your child has made during the lockdown. Talk about how you may have learnt more about yourself.

Whist this whole year has had its ups and downs it is still a rich opportunity to highlight the initiatives and growth you have seen in your child. Make the most of it. Turn it into an amazing family journey. Oh what an adventure!

                  “A problem is a chance for you to do your best.”

Are we expecting too much?

Oh, what a year it has been for everyone! Here we are with a few weeks to go, Christmas in the air and school back in action.

Are we normal again? What is normal and is it important to be back in what we understood as normal? Who knows the answer to that question?

With all the variation of the year, changing expectations and the ever-present idea that we could be back in lockdown if everything goes pear-shaped, are we expecting too much?

Here are a few tips to make for a gentle exit to the year and a happy entry into the holiday period.

• Be gentle on yourself. If you notice that you are not operating as normal, so be it!  Now is a balancing act of getting everything done for Christmas and at the same time remaining calm.

• Keep simple and happy routines going for the children. They deserve to feel safe and be reassured of normality in their life. They need to feel a sense of familiarity in their world.

• Don’t set expectations too high with regard to learning. The children are getting back into what is a broken year for school and even teachers will find it hard to assess the performance of the children. You may find the school report quite modified to suit the situation. Remember learning has occurred this year in a whole different way.

• Keep home life stable and not too unsettled. Be predictable and reliable when promising children what lies ahead.

• Take care when disciplining poor behaviour. Check in to find out what is driving the problem. Children can still be unsettled in the school, with friends etc. There may be some matter affecting their ability to function well.

• Take care not too overcrowd the week. Let some form of normality operate in your family life. What can you take out of your week to simplify life for the family? Look positively to the Christmas period. It is an excellent time to heal from our unsettled year. Watch old joyous Christmas movies filled with warm feelings, goodwill and happiness.

• Reduce negative talk around the house. This can make children anxious.

Finally, keep up the listening with our children. They need to feel heard as they come to understand what they have been experiencing this year.

“Keep your face always towards the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.”

— Walt Whitman

As we anticipate the end of the year

So much change and difference has been occurring this year. The news each day about the pandemic, the staggered return to school, the anticipation of holidays, the finishing off a very short unsatisfying school year and so the list goes on. It is natural that our children will be cautious and double-checking with us about holidays plans, Christmas etc.

All of us are placing hope in the new year that it will be as normal as we have had in the past. Children also are quietly placing their own hope in the new year that they will not be anxious anymore about the unknown.

𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧:

• Talk about the positive news we here especially with regard to the incredible speed of the vaccine.

• Talk about the holidays and Christmas being a time to slow down, enjoy the summer spirit and share happy times together. Talk about the plans that you are putting in place for January.

• There are some good news stories appearing in the paper. Talk about the great examples of courage and generosity that are present in our society.

• Invite your child to be part of the holiday plans. This is also a time to talk about what is possible as a family.

• What kind of Christmas are you planning? This is a great time to inject happy, positive feelings around the family. Consider how you will celebrate the festive season and include your child in the planning. The more they engage in activities that are affirming and joyous the more reassurance they gain about the future. We are all talking about the new norm we will live in post the pandemic. Let us at least try to put back some happy normality such as the celebration of Christmas, Summer and holidays. We are fortunate to have this on our doorstep.

• There will soon be the end of the year school functions and it is so important that the children farewell their class in the normal way. Teachers will of course modify the celebrations to suit the occasion but it is a chance to talk about the year and the challenges it has presented. It will be a chance for all school participants to farewell the grief that all felt with such a compromised school this year.

• Try to attend farewell school functions if included as it provides some security and a sense of normality for the child. It also is a vehicle to talk about the modified school year and the loss the child has felt with friendships etc.

• Even though as family lockdown presented all sorts of challenges and opportunities school holidays are all about rest and recovery. Giving your child what would be a normal family Christmas and holiday will be comforting and reassuring after such a tumultuous year. They will love that sense of normality in their life.

Finally, whilst I understand that we’re all talking about what has happened this year, try to reduce the anxious conversation around your child and talk about the hope of Christmas and the New Year. Such talk is healthy for everyone in the family.

Schools are all about problem solving

Do you like problem-solving?  Schools are all about problem-solving. Children are invited to pose questions and go through a process of exploring optional ways of learning about the matter. You could say that it is quite open-ended and some people who are more closed in the way they work feel that inviting questions is not the best way to learn. Whatever your thoughts, education is all about making inquiries and investigating and probing into issues. We are encouraging our children to be problem solvers, to accept that there are various ways to look at a problem and various ways to explore options.

As parents, this is an opportunity to support the child’s learning by being someone who doesn’t put all the answers in front of the child. Your role is to explore questions with your child. Asking questions and together reflecting on different ways to look at a problem. You have many opportunities as a parent to share in this method of teaching children.

Consider:

Schools, problem solving in The Primary Years

• When you are together in the car this is a great time to explore ideas together perhaps about what you see outside.

• Read some content of the newspaper to your child. Discuss some topic that lends itself to being seen from many angles.

• Plan to have a weekly family discussion on some controversial matter. Remember to give your child ample opportunity to respond with ideas. If you watch some news together there is plenty of content there for discussion and general inquiry.

• Tune into some of the work the child is doing at school that may involve a project on some topic. Notice how there are many questions being posed about that topic. Here you can join in with some ideas of your own.

• In engaging with your child through an inquiry approach to ensure that you value their opinions and ask about their sources of information. After all, questioning leads to quite a lot of researching.

• When you see the research that your child is doing on a set topic, tune in with some question’s about the nature of the research and how it fits into the whole topic.

• With younger children, you can still explore with them many of the questions that they ask on a regular basis. They love the question…

“Why?”

This is a chance to explore different answers together.

These thoughts are simply to help parents tune into the nature of the inquiry approach which is all about showing an investigative attitude to all areas of learning. The more we question, the more we explore optional ways of looking at situations and problems.

“Questions are the engines of intellect. The cerebral machines which convert energy to motion, to curiosity, to controlled inquiry.”

— David Hackett Fischer

SO, WE ARE ALL BACK IN ACTION!

How does it feel to be back into weekly routine with the children at school? Much relief I imagine as well as mixed feelings of having less connection to the children throughout the whole day. These times are curious indeed and we will all have various feelings about what is happening, is about to change again and what is safe and constant in our life. As we approach the normal anxiety that comes with Christmas preparations, we are still dealing with settling the children back into school for a few weeks and planning those summer holidays hopefully with more choice than we have at the moment.

No surprises that the family will be a little unsettled as everyone fits back into a routine, wears masks, shops within 25 Kms etc.

Post Covid 19 - and our new routines.

Unusual times calls for some unusual actions to get everyone through the darkest hours. Here are some thoughts to help ease the stress.

• Be kind to yourself, if routine isn’t as you knew it, so be it for the remainder of the year.

• Allow the children to be moody and unsettled as they are still finding their balance back at school and in the home.

• Check in with your child to ensure that they understand what is happening and that they are not being guided by misinformation which can happen through schoolyard gossip.

• Reassure your child that we are getting to the end of the year and with this comes hope for the New Year. We need to build in that component of hope as we work to simply getting better.

• Share family time as with the return of school this will mean less time together and to date, you have had an amazing quality time together.

• Keep up with family activities as these have probably increased over the past few months and they have been a great healing time together. Reduced family time will be a loss for the children.

• Expectations at school will be different and so it is still important to tune into what is being asked of your child. This tells them that your interest in school is still alive.

• Keep family conversations going about how everyone is settling back into routine. The child will feel some loss and gain in all sorts of ways. It is best to talk about these feelings and together work through those shifting emotions.

With a few weeks of the school year left and with the approach of Christmas I have three thoughts on my mind:

Slow down

          laugh together

                    share conversations about this year’s journey.

Question time for our children in unsettling times

At the moment there are many varied and unsettling discussions going around with regard to lockdowns, time in isolation, estimated time to come out of lockdowns etc. This can be a tricky and confusing time for children who quickly interpret your irritations and anxieties so easily seen on your face and heard in your words.

Given everyone’s frustration and feelings of disappointment with prolonged lockdowns and delayed start to school, it is not surprising that your child has many questions to ask and deserves some answers to reduce their fears and to give them some clarity and hope for the future.

Consider simply asking them:

Living in Covid times, your child has many questions to ask and deserves some answers to reduce their fears.

• Do you have any questions about what is going on at the moment?

• Are you starting to feel uncertain about what you have heard?

• Are you understanding what is happening at the moment?

• Would you like me to explain what the information tells us each day?

• Are you feeling uncertain about school matters?

• Is some news that you hear causing you to be upset?

• What do you understand at the moment about the progress of the government with lockdowns etc.?

• Are there any ideas you may have to feel better about this situation?

• What makes you feel better when you get sad about this pandemic?

We always need to find hope. Let’s talk about the hopeful aspects of the situation such as the development of the vaccine?

Language appropriate responses are necessary given the age of the child. Keep sentences simple and clear when talking to your child. Check-in with them that they understood.

Consider the following reflections that I believe are worth thinking about under the current situation.

• Your child will read the signs from your responses both physically and emotionally. They will notice what you have to say and will easily read in the nervousness you may display over matters.

• Ensure newspapers that are around the house are suitable for the child to read, often they start with very disturbing headers that can be unsettling.

• Keep an eye on the television news items that your child is watching. Limit these to just one piece of information. Too much overload on depressing news can be overwhelming.

Sometimes your child will not talk about what is on their mind. Staying quiet is a strategy to hide their feelings. This is why talking to them about the pandemic, including them in conversations is important for their mental health.

I appreciate that finding the positive in today’s situations is difficult but look deep and talk about the great gains in vaccine development, the acts of charity performed by so many and the great gifts of gratitude we owe the health care workers.

The more we look to finding the positives, the greater the chance the child will cope with the negatives so present around them.  Given the extended nature of the lockdown, there is even more purpose in keeping the best dialogue going with your child. After all, in their own childish way they are living through this pandemic as well.

On the very important subject of learning to read while at home.

There is no escaping the fact that there is one particular age group of students that will feel the disadvantage of not being in a school environment for a while. That age group are the children starting school and are in their foundational years. This is especially the first two to three years of school.

Learning to read in ISO

Here I refer particularly to the disadvantage of not learning reading in a school setting. The child, at those early ages, is like a sponge and the total stimulus provided by the classroom and teacher sets them off on an amazing discovery of reading. It is like a light bulb goes off in their brain and suddenly you see a massive acceleration in learning. There is no question that reading is the key to so much learning that follows in those early years.

Parents cannot be providing the stimulus that is on offer in a   classroom. Therefore, don’t feel guilty that you are in any way responsible for what your young child is missing out on.

However, given the nature of our limited year with the pandemic, we make the best of what we have and help the child in the most effective way possible. Keep in mind that this is a level playing field for all children who should be happily ensconced in school across the five days. Education will need to make adjustments to their teaching and learning to compensate for the deficit of learning in those early years.

Here are some suggestions to give your child opportunities to get on the gravy train of reading. But beware! Make it an enjoyable experience and one where your child feels successful and not anxious that they are displeasing you. Such a reaction will shut down the child when it comes to learning. Throughout the process, it should be seen as an adventure to discover words etc.

• Read daily to your child. Choose suitable books that are age-appropriate.

• Allow your child to mimic words. At some point, they may learn the story off by heart. Let them tell the story and this is also a legitimate way to learn to read.

• Label their bedroom and kitchen etc. with simple words depicting the room. For example, write words like bed, fridge, seat etc. Don’t make this too complicated.

• Recite poetry and sing songs regularly. The rhythm and pattern of simple poems and songs helps the reading process.

• Point our words in the street such as Stop and GO.

• Write simple sentences for your child and read them out together. Sometimes putting words on cardboard can be a fun word game.

• When they draw a picture together you can write what it is under the image. Ensure all attempts at writing are visibly displayed around the house.

• Obtain audiobooks where the child can follow the prompts and sound to turn pages. These can be found in libraries and online.

• If the child attempts to read something that is difficult, simply guide them and praise their efforts at having a go.

• Simple words that sound out with phonetics can be introduced as well. Remember nothing is a test or trial. It is all about experimenting with words and being positive.

Learning to read is complex but also needs your simple input with providing the stimulus around the house. Leave plenty of paper and pencils around as experimentation with writing words is a legitimate way of learning to read. You role is not to correct their writing but talk about it and copy below the correct version.

Keep the conversation going with children. Allow them to talk a lot and experiment with new words. Reading, writing and speaking are strongly linked together in the learning process. One feeds off the other.

There are many online reading programs to be used. Take care not to spend too much time on them as they can defeat the purpose if they totally consume the child. Remember, literacy is all around us and children can learn to read with so much stimulus that you offer on a daily basis.

“We should teach our children to dream with their eyes open.”

— Harry Edwards

So, let’s talk about mental health.

We are talking quite a lot about the mental health of our children especially during these difficult times living through the pandemic. There is no doubt that anxiety can be present all around us in varying ways. The news, negative discussion amongst family members, statistics every day and so the list goes on to suggest that mounting anxiety can occur.

Your child will, of course, be processing all the news they hear. They will also read the signs you give them through your concerns and let us not forget the very visible presence of wearing masks each day. The mere fact that they are working from home and online presents its own worries and is another example of how isolating it is as a way of life.

We cannot dismiss the above,  but we can put in place certain behaviours and actions that help a child cope during these difficult times. It is all about finding strong coping skills during these difficult times.

Consider the following which I believe may have some ideas for you to consider in reducing some anxiety for your child.

We are talking quite a lot about the mental health of our children especially during these difficult times living through the pandemic.

• Be happy. Show them some optimistic news such as the numbers reducing. A smile makes such a difference. It is a great feel-good tool.

• Talk about the wonders of modern science and how a vaccine will be developed that will combat the pandemic.

• Keep busy. Idol time has a way of inflating anxiety.

• Set up a schedule where you all are aware of how the day will be spent. Ensure that it is variable and the child has to focus on different directions throughout the day.  The more you shift and change thinking, the more rethinking is necessary for the child.

• Put into it elements of surprise to keep them guessing.

• Play a lot and laugh a lot. There is so much humour to be found with and around children.

• Watch humorous movies that bring the family together and show the funny side of life. This, of course, includes reducing individual time with intense computer games.

• Is there a significant family project that you can work on? For example, can they paint their bedroom with assistance? Are they able to make a go-cart? Projects that take time and effort can be so much fun. They are impressive because of their scale.

• Read more stories to your child. Is there a family time when everyone reads together?

• I have mentioned before the value of playing together. Here I add the value of being physical together. This could be playing football, soccer etc. Contact games are a wonderful way to disconnect from problems. The physical exercise releases all the necessary chemicals to genuinely feel better.

• Playing music that you can share together and dance for some families can be a great release.

The suggestions are just a few ideas. Think about what makes your family happy and focus on building that happiness up on a regular basis.

“What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, more unashamed conversation.”

— Glenn Close

Never underestimate the values of friends for your children.

We all need friendship. There is something about developing friendships that goes well into our DNA. Children spend much of their early childhood and of course later working on developing friendship. There is much to learn as they go through the stages of discovering what they want and do not want from a friendship. They will go through the various stages of losing friends, being disappointed by them, regrouping etc. All of these experiences are natural and are necessary for a child to become discerning with others they choose to befriend.

Whatever stage they are in, friendship remains a high priority for the following reasons.

• It gives them a sense of who they think they are. They recognise in friends something of themselves as they talk about common interests etc.

• Friendship can be a special secret space where you talk to someone who can identify with your feelings.

• Friendship is a comforter. It gives you reassurance that you are connected to other people in a special way.

• Choosing your friends gives you a deeper sense of what you value and there is joy in talking with others who understand.

• Without developing friendships there can be a sense of isolation and personal loneliness. We need to share and find common grounds with those we like and enjoy being around.

All these thoughts remind us that in our isolation days children need to be in frequent contact with their friends. They just need to feel that warm sense of connection and hope that it is still alive in their relationship.

Keep your child talking to their friends. Encourage them to have regular contact through the internet, the phone etc. The more they talk to each other the happier they will be that friendship is still a strong part of their life. It hasn’t gone away.

Take care to be the encourager and not the enforcer of strict rules regarding the number of calls.  Talk to your child about their friends and enjoy the stories they tell you about them. Your interest in this matter gives them the reassurance they need that their friendships are valuable.

We are in extraordinary times and this means we need extraordinary approaches to maintain a healthy mindset. If you are finding yourself operating a little differently, with less focus on routine etc. this is not necessarily a bad thing. The new norm is the dawn of new ways of being for all the family. Embrace it!

“Good friends are hard to find,
Harder to leave and impossible to forget.”

— G Randolf

Let’s understand the value of our unique time together.

What more can we say about the tricky situation we face ourselves in with the lockdown and homeschooling? Here, I suggest we think about how children are learning differently and this has its amazing merits.

Consider the following list of ways children are now learning and experiencing life. Think about how you can enhance and enrich the situation.

Make the most of this stressful time. Value this unique time with your children.

• You are having more conversation with your child across the day. Make them valuable conversations.

• Given the hours you are together, ensure that those hours provide happy experiences. Keep laughter and lightness alive across the day.

• If you are enjoying more outside exercise with your child, start talking about and noticing the beauty and differences in nature. With winter in its grip, this is a great time to observe temperature changes and how the season is crisp and the skylights different.

• With exercise comes more awareness and sensitivity to the body. Talk about your changing fitness levels and have fun in playing and exercising together where possible.

• Be smaller in the way you act and be childlike from time to time. This can be such fun and enlightenment for your child. They need to see the child within their parent.

• Silence can be seen as golden. Enjoy the passive, quiet times when you are simply together. See them as an opportunity to be in each other’s presence without complications of conversation, noise, expectations, etc.

• Of course, food is important during these unsettling times as it often nourishes the spirit and not just the body. Engage in cooking together and enjoying exploring with new flavours, colours etc. in food. Don’t be frightened to simply experiment, make a mess together etc.

• Is there some manual activity you can do with your child? Build a cubby house, make a go-cart etc. Such manual exercise together builds strong bonds.

• This is a time for the family to learn about the value of just sitting and also being active. Talk about how both have value and how to create the balance and not see each of them as rivals.

• This is a wonderful time to really know yourself as a family. What makes your family tick? Explore this question with all the family and talk about how you act as a family unit. Once the busy, noisy regularity of the week goes back to normal you will not have that quality thinking time as a family. There is a certain dynamic that drives your family. Explore it while the opportunity presents itself.

There are many simple activities and experiences going on in the isolation of your family across the day. Think about the simplicity that will be gone once normality comes back. Will we then be craving a quieter time? Will we be regretting the opportunities we had to be just family?

Enjoy the simple, uncluttered moments with the family. Remember that this unique time has some special value in your life.

“Live intentionally. Forget that and your life will be lived for you.”

— Linus Mundy

Do we really understand how we use power over our children?

Power can take many forms. As a parent, you are confident and responsible. You understand your responsibility and will always sacrifice your interests over that of the child. As a parent, you understand that sacrifice is part of the job and so the self-actualisation one gains from being a parent highlight how the joy of having a child impacts on your life.

We grow with the child and our personality has quite an impression on the child. Our child comes to know what influences our moods, what excites us and what from time to time angers us.

How natural and normal is that in disclosing who we are and how we respond to life. Very natural I would say.

This article is to remind us that our children are like sponges and will respond to our reactions in different ways. Somewhere in their DNA they are working it all out! They learn from our responses and will internalise reflecting on how they would respond and act in that situation.

If our temperament is quite a strong one and we have opinions that are strongly expressed, sometimes our children can be overwhelmed by the power that this exhumes. I have seen many situations where strong-willed parents who express a powerful voice have children who respond meekly to situations. They feel they have no independent voice.

The child feels safer not to express themselves as they fear a response from parents. Silence is a powerful tool which children come to understand. If you are a parent with a strong persona and recognise within yourself that your opinions are well expressed consider the following:

Are you allowing your child to develop their own voice?

• Is your child simply going quiet and not disclosing their feelings?

• Are you giving your child the opportunity to express themselves in an open and non-judgemental way?

• When consequences need to be put in place do you involve the child in the process and show strong listening skills with your child?

• Often children with strong parents use silence as a way of excluding themselves from opinion and conflict. Remember if you want long term engagement with your child you need to engage them in a way that gives them a sense of being heard and valued.

Children who feel not included or underpowered with strong parents who have a very assertive way of communicating can simply shut down. It’s safer that way! This gives them immunity from being attacked or feeling a failure. It becomes a habit not to engage and so the relationship drifts. Many a child I spoke to over the years as Principal, admitted that it was easier to be silent than have opinions.

Consider the following thoughts to ensure that your child feels included and valued.

• When having discussions at home ask your child what thoughts they have on the matter? Listen with intent and affirm their opinions. Show little reaction. Be interested.

• Make it clear to your child that their opinion is valued and included in family conversations. Start asking their opinion more often even on simple matters.

• Talk about how you like to communicate and discuss how different ways of communicating are valued.

“Sometimes I like to express my opinions in a strong way as I feel passionate about different things. I guess I can be a little loud at times. However, many people express their passions in a different          way.”

• Point out people that you admire who get their message across in a calmer, less noisy fashion. Admire the different styles.

• Invite your child to have an opinion. Listen and affirm their efforts. Applaud how they communicate with others.

“You spoke so well about your feelings on the environment. I love how you talk to people about such matters”.

Children listen and learn from parents. Your style of communication is also carefully noted by your child. They will respond to the invitation given to them from parents. Allow your child to develop their own voice.

A few tips on helping with home schooling

We are still in tricky times. Here are a few basic tips on making the learning environment easier and more palatable for everyone concerned.

Tips to help Remote Learning easier for your chileren.

• Teachers believe in moving children into different spaces in the classroom from time to time. Talk to your child about how comfortable they are and invite a change of space if they feel this would give them a fresh new perspective.

• Ensure there is adequate light where they are working and of course they should be working away from too much stimulus and distractions.

• Noise can be a significant factor given they need to concentrate on a screen.

• Keep the area around the child uncluttered so that they can concentrate and speared themselves out as best they can. They need to have ownership of their learning space.

• Ensure that they have quiet times on the computer so that they can balance talking with you and working independently.

• The chair they use should give them some comfort and flexibility of movements.

• Parents can help by occasionally tapping into them as they work quietly.

• At the end of the day when school activities are finished, it is still important to respect the space they have set up. If possible, keep it intact for tomorrow. This shows that you value what they are doing and that their work is credible.

• If they are doing some work, sketches etc. on paper suggest that it is displayed on the fridge. Here we continue to acknowledge their daily work.

• Ensure in the morning that they have everything they need before starting. In a busy family set up, pencils etc. Can go missing very quickly. Your aim is to reduce the pressure for them.

• Classrooms are busy places and children move quite frequently in and around their spaces. Invite your child to take breaks and sometimes such stretching and walking across the room is enough to clear the head and reduce cobwebs.

• Try to avoid setting your child up in spaces that are used as walkways to kitchens etc. Daily traffic can be disturbing.

• If a child is using their bedroom it is important to check occasionally as working independently in isolation is difficult for primary aged children.

• If your child struggles with working independently it will be best to situate them near you as they will feel comforted by the support. This is also what teachers do in classrooms. They set up situations to check in with children who need more assistance.

• At the end of the school day, reward your child for all the efforts and have a brief discussion on what your child feels they have achieved. It is common practice in the classroom to revisit the day’s activities towards the end of a school day.

• Ask them the following morning what goals they have planned for the day. Be careful not to instruct but listen with interest. Your child is used to teachers checking in with them in the classroom.

• If your child is waiting around for a zoom etc, provide something to entertain them on the table. Some artwork, playdough etc. Classrooms set up many alternative activities to fill in times.

Finally, remember that you are assisting them and guiding them into good work habits. However, as parents, you are not assessing their work or are you accountable for providing daily education. At that point overstepping the line can cause quite some anxiety for the child. Just be the parent who gently guides the school day at home.

“Educations begins the moment we see children as innately wise and capable beings. Only then can we play along with them in their world.”

— VinceGowmon.com

So, we are back working on line from home.

Perhaps we can look at the bright side?

Firstly, this is familiar to all the family. Getting setup and working from the computer is becoming quite the commonplace.

Falling back into old habits can be OK if it all worked well for you before. Consider the following thoughts to give your working day a boost.

Consider some thoughts from Gail Smith, The Primary Years, to give your working day through COVID-19 restrictions a boost.

• Organise with your child when and how you will do the work. Now that they are experienced at it, invite them to suggest new ways to work. Perhaps they may want to move into a new position in the home for a fresh new perspective.

• Plan to do refreshing activities after each day’s event at work. This should involve activities that are fun and life-giving preferably in the open air.

• Suggest that your child make their own masks one day. This shows their individuality and creativity to what is a difficult time for all.

• Think about refreshment you may offer across the day. I would suggest using some happy, surprising treats to support the new lockdown operations. After all, we all need some moments of being uplifted.

• Introduce music across the working day. Invite the child to choose what makes them feel good.

• The days can be dull now that it is mid-winter. Consider timing your breaks for when we have some sun. This is good for the soul.

• Ensure the child is situated in a light-filled space while working. This can make a big difference to their mood and level of production.

• The news regarding COVid 19 has made us all feel frustrated and a little more anxious. Ensure accurate information is still given to your child, age-appropriate of course but tailor the conversations with some positive news about how figures may be improving, etc.

• Start bringing in jokes and laughter into the day. A funny joke once a day is good for the spirit.

• Finally, we are all learning how to live a little differently and our awareness about health issues are widening each day as we learn about changing patterns with the virus. Use this information to talk to your child about how a virus works. But also keep in mind some positives.

• We are developing a method of immunisation. How clever does that make us as a race?

• Many health care workers such as doctors and nurses serve in the health industry. They show courage and bravery in working in difficult situations. How strong we can be as people who care a great deal.

• How generous are some people to give support to others who are more vulnerable? Such generosity is amazing. It is a gift.

• Look at all the positive people who are following the rules. This tells us we do care about the common good.

• Find some good news story about how someone showed special care to others. Talk about the great gifts of generosity evidenced in the community. Often, we hear such goodwill stories in the news.

• Talk about how this is a very much a challenge for us as a community and it is also an excellent time to talk about the common good. As we live in a very “Me” orientated world this is such an opportunity to raise awareness of the role we all play in our society. The difference we can make if we all pull together.

How does the punishment fit the crime?

In our tricky world, appropriate consequences for poor behaviour, are hard to resolve. Given the intense time we are placed in with our children there will be occasions when we need to correct their behaviour. We need incredible tolerance and understanding under the circumstances, even though we are under so much personal pressure.

When we live in a confined space together and have to create our own new world, this will come with unusual tensions which do not demand a familiar response. What is normal in these situations? There is no familiar formula.

I would be recommending not considering punishment to fit the crime, but rather reflecting on how the child is coping with the tensions and how best to respond. Consider the following suggestions in talking to your child when their behaviour is out of control and your ability to manage the situation is at a low.

“I am upset that this has happened. How can we best deal with it?”

“I find that things are difficult at the moment, please find a solution to help me get on top of this problem.”

“I am angry that this has happened and I am finding it difficult, what can we do to solve this problem?”

“My ability to handle this situation is not great at the moment we will deal with it later.”

All these responses are about acknowledging behavioural problems, not overreacting, yet demonstrating a need to talk it through and resolve the matter. It gives you the personal space to take away the anger and think about how to respond in a fair and reasonable way at a later date.

Quick aggressive responses do require a fair bit of comeback and can-do considerable damage to fragile relationships.

Whilst I appreciate that through active listening and understanding the problem, there may still need to be consequences. I am however, advising that in a confined situation for a prolonged time it will require both parties to have tolerance and shift expectations in terms of consequences. We are in a new norm and this is taking its toll on everyone. It requires us as parents to think differently in managing our children.  Abiding by “old thinking” will not be the answer for supporting children in this unique situation. Tolerance, understanding, forgiveness, turning a blind eye, etc. are helpful tools in moving forward in some situations.

The parent needs to show intuition, wisdom and discernment in finding solutions to inappropriate behaviour often driven by extremely different circumstances for all parties. This is where you, the parent take ownership of managing the situation well.

“You have to think a little smarter, be proactive not reactive.”

— Frank Abagnale

In these stressful times, we need tolerance and shift expectations in terms of consequences.

When is Success really Success?

Just about every time I would argue! All of us need to hear that we can achieve and that we have capabilities in varied and different ways. Sometimes this can be in simple matters. Sometimes it can be in more detailed and complicated ways. What is the key is the importance of hearing from others that you have simply done well? Your efforts are noted.

Success breeds success. A child needs to feel that they can achieve and that others most especially the parents, recognise this fact.

Words are powerful tools in building a child’s stamina.

Saying often: “Well done” goes a long way in the mind of a child. It says you know what you are doing. You have been successful. The likelihood of repeating success is higher once the child hears that they can achieve. Never under estimate the value of a simple, “well done”.

Teachers are very skilled at building in what I call “success busters” in their day. They are careful to ensure that all children receive a balanced dose of success busters across the day. They notice the difference when a child feels less inclined to contribute, feeling that they are not valued. It becomes an automatic tool to teachers who know by experience that you catch more people with honey than sour words.

“Thanks for cleaning up the paint. You did it so quickly”

“You have put so much effort into your work. Well Done”

“How clever you are when it comes to reading stories out loud. You read with so much expression.”

Notice that the more you mention the specifics of why they have been successful, the more legitimate the affirmation. It shows that you really notice what has made them so successful in your eyes.

Words are powerful tools in building a child’s stamina and giving them emotional reassurance that they have something valuable to offer.

In supporting a child by using careful targeted, reassuring language the following actually occurs:

• The child hears the words and finds satisfaction in the public announcement made to them and to others in earshot.

• The child feeds off such reassurance and is more likely to respond with confidence.

• The child is more likely to respond in positive ways to others. This is teaching them about thinking and acting positively. It is about teaching them by example that they are aware of people’s efforts.

In essence this article reminds us that building success comes from reassuring words and affirmation. It builds strong emotional foundations which are well needed when the negative and vulnerable times can become overpowering from time to time.

“The road to success is always under construction.”

— Author unknown. Kids activities.net

All eyes are on you at home.

This is a short reminder that when you express anxiety, this can be modelled by your child. They are keen to learn from you in many and varied ways. They look to how you respond to situations and will grow to understand how you interpret life, the way you react to difficult situations etc. No escaping it. As the parent, your behaviour is being internalised and modelled by your child. On the bright side, this can be seen also as a positive. Consider all the various experiences in your life where you display compassion, love, forgiveness and tolerance. Don’t underestimate all the positive behavioural aspects of your life that are internalised by your child.

Often, we say is it nurture or nature that gives direction to the way our children respond to life issues? Whatever the answer, there is no escaping that how you express your life will have an impact on your child.

In working with children, it was not uncommon to hear them talk about the way in which their parents would respond to situations. They were very much in tune with your levels of approval, disapproval and tolerance. They are generally not of an age that can be too discerning and so they will mimic your emotional responses quite often. Consider the following thoughts to give guidance when you are feeling unsettled or anxious.

• Try to express your feelings in simpler forms. Adult versions of what makes you unsettled can be confusing.

• Is it necessary to talk about your anxieties in front of your child? This is where you need to be discerning and especially consider the age of the child.

• Sometimes just stopping and thinking is best before rushing into a response that can be critical or provocative.

• When feeling unsettled decide how you want to present yourself in front of the child. Is it feasible to remove yourself for a while?

Teachers understand that working with children they must maintain an even temper and disposition. In this way, the child becomes climatized to an emotionally stable teacher and classroom. This does not preclude the occasions to discuss feelings of being unhappy. However, such discussions are done in a controlled and responsible way.

As parents, so much happens spontaneously and on the run. Take care to be aware of the presence of your child when talking about serious matters to other adults.

If you are anxious or unsettled, talk to your child in a way that helps them understand what is going on.

“Today I feel quite unsettled as I am starting a new job.”

Here it is about giving them some insight into your feelings without undue anxiety developing on their part. It is also aligning some anxiety as being in the normal range. A child needs to understand how you manage your anxious moments and learn sound responses for themselves.

The essence of this article is to gently remind us that children are very receptive to changes in our emotional state. They need and feel more secure when they see that you are secure. Allowing them to learn about managing anxiety by watching your responses can be a great benefit to them forging strong ideas of self-management.

How you express yourself will have an impact on your child.